Fallopian Swim Team

After a very subtle seduction scene... I managed to "convince" Mr. D that we should "officially" join the TTC crowd... again... (just in time on CD-13... I plan to do it again tomorrow on CD-15 too... Mr. D will be so surprised!)

When I woke up this AM I immediately began obsessing... Am I? Will I be??? What will happen? WHAT IF??? (jeez... I wish I could make the nut inside my head shut up!)

I rubbed a little progesterone cream on my belly for good luck... (does this crap really work???) At Nic's bridal shower, Christy, a girl we went to high school with (who is pregnant... with her 3rd!!!) walked right up and handed me an almost full pump bottle of the stuff. Apparently, she tried it ... like once... when she had a very unrealistic & unfounded fear that even though they had 2 other kids almost back to back, they might have trouble conceiving the 3rd... I guess Nic had told her about our pregnancy misadventures and she really was touched by our losses. (But still... kind of a weird gesture.) Now, I never really liked this woman. Even in high school... She used to cry A LOT and beg Nic to be her best friend and not mine.. why???... because she is CRAZY... for REAL... INSANE. But when she gave me the cream and told me she hoped her being there (pregnant) so soon after my m/c didn't upset me... my cold as stone heart kind of melted. So Christy, thank you... you are ok in my book (but FYI... you are still crazy).

I think I get worked up because our issue has never been actual conception... it is STAYING pregnant that we don't do well. So I think no matter when I get a BFP I will try to consider myself TTC until about 12 weeks. I feel I don't want to "get attached" until it is "safer"... sad huh? Good luck too... the minute that second line goes pink I am 100% ATTACHED no matter what I try to tell myself!

My goal is to think positive through my next pregnancy. I want to feel the normal happiness without the fear. I don't exactly know how I am going to tackle that, but I will let you now when I figure it out.

But for now.... Go swimmers!