prayers answered!

It is as official as it can be in the adoption world...

Finley Elisse is due on April 10!!!

Details to come later...

please continue to pray... a lot can happen in the next 2 months...

We are thrilled beyond words!

RED ALERT!!!! #2... (aka: Oh my God... this could happen)!

Mr. D. and I will be driving to "small town five hours away" on Friday night to meet birthmom in person at 10 AM on Saturday morning.

WHAT??? Yep... it is true...

I am FREAKING OUT!

So this is not at all how my agency usually works... but two things have lined up... We expressed an interest in open adoption and this birthmom liked our bio and specifically asked if we were willing to meet her and willing to be open. So of course we said yes!

I spoke with birthmom on the phone while she was at the agency today... sounded sweet... bad home life... feels her home environment/ family situation is not healthy for a child, has aspirations to attend college in the fall and to become a nurse. I stumbled so much when I talked to her... I was so nervous and scared that she wouldn't like me. M (the adoption attorney) later told me that I did fine and that birthmom seemed happy with the conversation. I am just glad that she still wants to meet me after our awkward conversation.

Here is what we know... birthmom is 18, Caucasian, brown hair, blue eyes, 5'6" and due April 10. She has had prenatal care and had an adoption plan set up with another family (not with my agency) and it suddenly fell through (apparently the adoptive dad decided that he was to old for an infant). Birthfather is unknown.

We will leave here on Friday after school to head to "small town 5 hours away". We are planning to stay the night in town and then meet at the agency at 10 AM. Please pray that if this is the child God has planned for us that doors will open quickly and easily and if not those doors would shut. I am praying for clarity more than ever before... and strength... and courage.. and peace.

Red Alert!!!!

got this email today... at 2:30 am

Guys, I got a call tonight from a birth mother who saw y'all on our website. She is expecting a girl. She is supposed to come in at 1:30 . She says she is due on April 10th. I don't know anything about her yet and she may be completely unsuitable and she might not show up. But, if she does I wanted to find out from y'all if you would be willing to schedule a conference call with her in the future. Please dont get your hopes up but let me know as soon as possible.

Time to pray like we have never prayed before.

AND... especially pray that I am able to control my hopes...

I feel nauseous...

Finally.. some good news...

For the first time in 22 months I got an unsolicited email from my agency. I have had plenty of correspondence with them over the wait... but this was the first that showed up unexpectedly in my inbox...

Here it is word for word...

"OK guys... #1 on the list's birthmother is due Feb 23. #2 on the list is on their way to the hospital because we think we have a placement for them. Soooooo assuming all goes well, ya'll should be #1 by the end of Feb. Keep praying."

Please keep praying!!! We may be getting very close! Please pray specifically that the right birth family for us will find their way to our agency and that as we move "up the list" the perfect situation for all families involved will present itself clearly to all of us.

Sex Talk...

This weekend we attended an adoption seminar that was really wonderful! The workshop was about talking to your children about sex... and although we are several years away I jumped at the opportunity to see the speaker and take notes for when the time comes.

The workshop is called Sooner Than You Think and the speaker was Mary Flo Ridley. She has been talking to parents about having "the talk" with kids for years and has a dvd series called Simple Truths. But this was her first time to speak to an audience of adoptive / foster parents and though the message was much the same there were some really helpful things to think about sex from a perspective of adoption.

Some of differences between talking to bio kids and adopted kids that we discussed were things like the following...

1. It is suggested that you must start talking with children with to two things... a clear message about your family's values about sex and a basic biology of how this all works. For little children one of the first things you teach is that babies grow in Mommy's tummy... right? But then explaining that not all mommys are able to grow babies in their tummy (helllloooo infertility...) brings in the opportunity to not only talk about reproductions but about the idea that families are created in many different ways... and that can tie in with learning more about birthparents.
2. In the middle years the talk about sex for families of adoption can include talks about infertility... because kids will have questions... they may understand the mechanics the way they are designed to work... but what happens when you want to be a parent but the body doesn't work? Not every seed in the package sprouts into a flower... so although infertility may not be something discussed in most homes with the sex talks... with adopted kids it may come into the conversation.
3. Just pre-puberty we may continue to discuss our values in relationship to sex... this is the whole "don't you even think of doing it" part. However... in an adoption situation you may have to be careful in the way you word things... Telling a child it is morally wrong to have sex before marriage can, in the child's eyes, become a slam on birth parents who didn't wait... A discussion on the importance of using birth control if you do have sex may become, in a child's mind, a hard thing to hear because they are perhaps alive and well because someone didn't use birth control... So as you can see she brought up some very interesting points that I had not ever though of... and I am glad to start thinking about them now... way before I have to answer the questions.
4. In the teen years you may have to have a conversation about un-consensual sex... especially if you are trying to remain "transparent" about your child's conception and that is a part of their adoption story.

Remember this is only bullet points of the adoption/ foster portion of the workshop... there was so much more! I am so glad to have gone. And although her dvd series is not adoption based you may want to look into it... and who knows maybe this workshop will develop into a book about specifically talking to adopted kids about sex.

Oh yes... and when she was asked "at what age do you need to talk to you kids about sex" this is what she said.. " Take the youngest age you might think you should start talking... subtract 3 years.. and you will be about a year late!"

Weekend wrap-up

I had a really wonderful weekend. On Saturday I met up for a mini-reunion with some girls I used to work with when I worked as a singer/dancer in an amusement park after high school and throughout college. It was the perfect job for a young theatre major and I spent so much time on stage and in dressing rooms with these girls! So anyway... it was sort of like getting together with you old sorority sisters and talking about the inside jokes and crazy things you did... only we did it all in front of audiences! We had a wonderful lunch at a tea room and sat for hours catching up.

Saturday night I decided to back my nephew, X-Man, a birthday cake from scratch for his 5th birthday. I decided that learning to bake a 3 layer chocolate cake from scratch was going to be on my "to learn to do" for the new year... so this was a perfect way to practice my baking. This was my first cake from scratch and it took 3 hours! But it was wonderful and everyone was impressed. It was a 2 layer strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting... I even pureed the strawberries and strained the seeds (which is pretty time consuming) all by myself! Mr. D. even had two slices when we ate it at X-man's makeshift b-day party at my house the next evening! X-man took one look at it and declared that he doesn't like strawberry cake anymore (lol!) even though he requested it just the night before! Oh well... my brother and my SIL also liked it... and X-man totally enjoyed the ice cream with rainbow sprinkles that were next to the cake!

Sunday we slept in a little then headed out to Big D for some shopping and lunch at our favorite Mediterranean place. Then we decided to check out the Holocaust Museum because I am currently directing a play about a concentration camp during this time. This was my favorite thing we did all weekend... Mainly because I had the opportunity to meet Mike the founder of the museum and a survivor. Mike showed me around part of the museum and we chatted for quiet a while. He told me part of his story and showed me the numbers tattooed on his arm... I purchased the book he wrote about his 4 years in the camps and autographed it for me. I was so honored to stand and talk with Mike.... and to hear him tell his story and it reminded me of the power of the human spirit. It reassured me that no matter what hardships you face in life that you can overcome even the most devastating tragedies. I have already finished Mike's book... I read it cover to cover in less than 24 hours... I just feel so heavy with the responsibility of portraying the play I am directing accurately and truthfully and I really feel passionately about this new project. I can't wait to take the entire cast back to the city to meet Mike and have them hear his story too. I just can not say enough about the spirit of this amazing man.

Sunday night after the little b-day party I fell asleep in our big recliner at about 7:30 pm... The next thing I knew Mr. D. was telling me that he had run me a bath for me. I went into our bathroom and he had filled the room with lit candles (Sunday night Finn ritual!). I had a wonderful bubble bath waiting for me... with towels layed out, my new robe hanging by the tub, my latest O magazine on the chair, a big glass of water (and a shot of Gentleman Jack!) on the edge of the tub, and he even had my favorite Sunday night guilty pleasure on the TV (Desperate Housewives... ugghh... I know...)! I felt so pampered and loved! He is always doing things like that for me.. I just can't tell you what a great man he is... I don't know what I ever did to deserve such an incredible husband... and as I slipped into the bubbles I told him... "I am so blogging about this..."

It was just such a great (and busy) weekend. It was really nice to have such great moments with my friends and husband. And since a lot of this blog is dedicated to me sorting out my problems and whining about my everyday pains and issues, I also wanted you to know that we do have very happy times and appreciate all that we have been blessed with in this life.