Reading is Overrated

Is it possible that a mere 36 hours after TTC that you are pregnant? And IF that is possible than is it possible that my boobs already know this and are starting to get sore? I have no idea why my boobs would be sore today unless that is a part of ovulation that I have never noticed before... yeah.. that is probably it.

I slept fitfully last night. I had very vivid dreams that I know were clear but I don't exactly remember them now... I think this AM I remembered them as I was waking up, but they are gone now. I also had sleep problems because the cats were restless and that always means they will be walking all over me and stepping on my hair during the night. My allergies are acting up... BAD... it is just that time of year. I went to the store and bought Tylenol Cold and Sinus instead of Advil Cold and Sinus... just in case. hmmmm... it is going to be a LONG 2 weeks.

Today I took my first baby aspirin. It is strange how this tiny tablet is supposed to thin my blood just enough to help a baby implant and stick. I will go on heparin as soon as we get a BFP, but until then I have started my own baby aspirin and progesterone cream regimen... just in case it works.

I went to 1/2 Price Books and found a depressing book called TRYING AGAIN. If I were going to write a book about TTC after m/c I would make it a very happy and positive book filled with cute pictures and lots of "it is gonna be ok" captions. I would probably get rich too because there does not seem to be a single book out there taking that approach. In fact, the books I saw are somber and stuffed with statistics that I am supposed to take comfort in yet don't. They all say the same thing... You might get pregnant again.. you might not. You might have a miscarriage again... you might not. And the thing that scares me the most... stillbirth statistics.

A paraphrase from the most scary and most depressing book I have ever looked at: "With heparin therapy the woman with antiphospolipid antibodies can raise her chances of having a live baby to 75%." Wow. Now, I am a teacher and no where in my mind is 75% an acceptable percentage. That is a "C" average percentage. My specialist, Dr. "Stay on Topic", was more hopeful because he told me my chances were BETWEEN 75%-90%. I'll take the 90% please.... This book also said that a 30 year old woman TTC each month has a 25% chance of actually conceiving and the average couple TTC 7-10 months before they actually do. Fuck.