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Monday, February 23, 2009

Need some support from my friends...

I have been patient.

I did really well until after the holidays....

Now I am super antsy and anxious... and shingle-y (it is gone now...)

But I think I have been very good about this adoption wait.

And today...
I got an email from my agency saying that it will probably be early summer before we are placed.

It just sucks.

I was really feeling like after 10 1/2 months we were almost there... like any time... jump when the phone rings... almost there.

I don't know how to do this anymore. I feel really upset and angry... not at my agency... they are great... just at... well... fate?... God?... I don't know... just... everyone.


I want to cry but I can't.
I feel like a fraud.
Like it is never going to happen.

How much longer????

Help me girls... if you are still out there... listening...

Help me deal.


Blogger Celeste said...

I don't know what to have been MORE than are MORE than ready...and having followed you through most of my secondary SO totally are worthy of this momentous gift. I hope that the agency is just preparing you for a longer wait than they really expect.

3:32 PM  
Blogger juneheller said...

I don't know what to say either...just letting you know that I'm out here praying for your baby to get here soon too. It's going to happen, every single infertility blog I've ever read ends in a baby...all of them. It will happen.
She will be so beautiful, so precious, and are all praying for her safe and speedy delivery!

4:47 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

It truly isn't fair. I'm sorry.

Thinking of you.

5:21 PM  
Blogger mommy of a full house said...


5:51 PM  
Blogger Leslee said...

I wish I knew the right words.

I've learned from my wait that everything is ebbing and flowing. You'll feel on top again soon. In the meantime, know that we're hear cheering you on!


6:20 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I am sorry that you got this news, it must be so hard and I think that you have every reason and right to feel angry and sad. You've handled yourself so well and have been good at the wait. It does suck that it'll take longer than you thought.

Here's an attempt at a pep talk sprinkled with my faraway, easy-for-me-to-say observations. You are not a fraud, this will happen, you will get your baby. You getting a more specific timeframe of when it will happen has some advantages. Maybe you can complete the school year now and more importantly, you can readjust your understanding of when she'll arrive, so it won't be a daily roller coaster of hope and disappointment.

You are so close. You are almost there. You've gone through so much, and you seem more than strong enough to handle a few more months. You are closer to being her mom than you've ever been.

I hope you've been able to cry if you still want to. Please know that I realize how hard this is. Take care of yourself!

7:33 PM  
Blogger Malloryn said...

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope that the wait isn't as long as they expect. I'll keep my fingers crossed that your little girl makes her way to you soon.

5:01 AM  
Blogger Tammie said...

It's not fair! If anyone deserves a baby for their home it is you two!
I live in California I can try to steal one of Octi moms..ok just trying to help you smile a little!
On a serious note as soon as those babies were born I thought of you and how unfair it is... you just want A baby and she has 14!
I didnt write that to bum you out but to say that I can only imagine how unfair it must feel to you.
I can't understand why you haven't got your little blessing yet but I so looking forward to when you do!
Besides early summer would be a great time to have a baby. God has a plan for you...
I wonder about you often.. pray for you a lot!
Stay POSITIVE and STRONG.. you have been through so can handle this minor set back...YES YOU CAN!

8:29 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

That's not too long! March, April, May, June.... Beginning of summer! Right around the corner! It's coming!

11:45 AM  
Blogger Kendra said...

So I've been thinking and maybe what you can do to help you get through the next 4 months is a project. You know, like, a big project. Get a pig and teach it to hunt for truffles. Read "The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire". Learn how to knit and knit a baby blanket. Or a sweater. Figure out how to rob the local bank without wearing the pantyhose that will inevitably give you some kind of really bad hat hair. Come to my house and organize my pictures. See where I am going with this? :)

I am sorry it is taking so long for her to get here. We are all on your side and counting down with you, my friend. I'll keep everything crossed in an effort to make her arrival happen sooner rather than later. Love you!

3:10 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

All I can is this but I'm sure it's not much help. Try if at all possible to enjoy this time before your child arrives. Life will be forever different. Your relationship with your husband will be forever different. All in a good way but it will be different. If I regret anything I would say that I regret not cherishing the "me" time that I had so much of before my daughter. I wouldn't change a thing about my life now but if I could go back I would have taken one last vacation, read a few more books, gone on some more dates with my husband. That's all. Thinking of you. Kate

5:37 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

I agree with Karen. Beginning of summer will be here before you know it! I know how difficult it must be . . . in the meantime, maybe take a much-needed trip? Treat yourself a lot. You deserve it. The plan is already in motion for you . . . and I think your baby is busy growing away . . . soon to be enjoying your kisses.

10:23 AM  
Blogger Frenchie said...

Here and listening. I am so sorry. It has got to be excruciating! It will all be worth it in the end, but the now part is just...%$&$**#

I am thinking of you and hoping that your daughter finds her way to you very very soon!!!

1:08 PM  
Blogger Fertilized said...

Waiting Suck! I am sorry to hear that you have more waiting to do before that precious lil girl arrives. I hope it helps to know that the waiting is very much worth it, But you already know that and it doesn't make it suck less right now

8:57 PM  
Blogger Sporty said...

I agree with the others....early summer will be here before you know it.

I hope you know that you are still in my thoughts and prayers and I honestly can't wait until the day I come to your blog to see the news that you have that baby girl you have been longing for!

You know where I am if you need me. Take care.

10:29 AM  
Blogger hope548 said...

I know how hard the wait is from first-hand experience, and can also say from first-hand experience that it is worth waiting for the baby you are meant to have. I know that you know this already and nothing makes the wait easier. I hope you become a mommy sooner than you expect!

11:43 AM  
Blogger Heather W. said...

Hold out hope! It's almost March already. She'll be here very soon. And as someone mentioned, maybe the agency is giving you a later date, just in case it takes longer than they think. Kind of like a back up date. You deserve this, don't lose faith now, you've been waiting too long now! (((HUGS)))

11:06 AM  
Blogger ~Christina~ said...

I am sure this will bring you very little....however, try to think of it this way (And, I know you have waited and then some) ; When the wait is finally over and you are a mother...being a mother is FOREVER and these few months to come and the years behind will seem minimal compared to lifetime of being a mother. (hugs) It's going to happen...and when it does, that will be your eternity.

8:04 PM  
Blogger Sandy D. said...

I am sorry to hear the wait will be even longer. I hope that this time will go as fast as a blink of your eye. I too feel like a fraud. The other day I was at the store and decided to buy a few things to start getting ready for my baby. I ran into someone I knew and then spent the rest of the time in the store (and after) wondering if they thought I was silly to be buying stuff for my baby who probably isn't even conceived yet. But, like you I have to be doing something!! The waiting sucks- but know there are people out there- like me- thinking of you and checking your blog. I can't wait until the day I log in and see your precious little one!! Keep your chin up!

7:27 AM  
Blogger Kellie said...

We are taking different paths to motherhood, as we are trying to adopt from the foster system, but I can tell you with all certainly that I know just how you feel. It sucks. It's not even remotely fair. I'm so sorry.

12:33 PM  
Blogger lisalou said...

The sun is shinning today and I am thinking of you!

5:20 PM  
Blogger Piccinigirl said...

well it's April now and I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, but I know that Finley is on her way to you...I can feel it, in the budding leaves and the sun warming cold hard ground. Just a little while longer and she'll be here.
I know it's hard to wait and it's truly unfair, but She's coming and you and Mr D are going to be INCREDIBLE parents.

The Waiting truly is the hardest part.


11:28 AM  

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