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Sunday, October 25, 2009

What is going on with your adoption????

What is going on with you adoption???

That is the question that breaks my heart every time I heard it. The main reason is because the answer is painful... "we are still waiting". Why are we still waiting? What is taking so long? The simple fact is that our agency is having a very hard time connecting with birthmoms. I have no answer for why or why this has changed so drastically from when we signed with them almost 18 months ago... but it has. And it is all the things you would imagine it being... frustrating... devastating... and plain old hard.

We don't get a ton of communication from our agency... which is ok... I just don't have new answers for the friends and loved ones who ask the hard questions on a weekly basis... In fact.. as far as I know nothing has changed since I called and had a major meltdown on the phone with our adoption attorney back in early August... but we have to hold on to faith and know that God will bring Finn in to our lives when it is time.

Our agency sent out a brief letter to the "waiting families" a week ago... It was hard news to take... here is a little part that I feel comfortable sharing...

As most of you are aware, at (name of agency), we have seen a dramatic decline in the number of women placing children for adoption. We have tried many avenues to increase our visibility and improve our outreach to women in need. As a part of those efforts, we have hired a retired nurse to do outreach with local medical professionals. We have also revamped our outreach materials, and we have purchased strategic bill board advertising to reach women facing unplanned pregnancy. We are also in the process of seeking a contract which will allow (name of agency) to hire up to ten new pregnancy counselors throughout West-Texas -- increasing both our visibility and our services. While It is too early to know what effects our efforts will have, we are very optimistic.

As you can probably imagine.. this news is hard to to hear. We know that we are high up on the list at the agency... but news like this can throw me into a tailspin. They are trying... and we believe that... but it doesn't always help to know. This is the agency that when we signed with them 18 months ago had never had any couple wait over 12 months for a baby... and that was the truth... but the game has changed now and we are trying to adjust to the new situation.
All this to say... if you are one of our dear friends of family members who feel "out of the loop" please don't... it is just that things are moving very slowly right now and during the wait Mr. D. and I have good days and bad days. We don't want you to stop asking questions... just understand when we say with a sigh "we're are still waiting" we really are telling you everything we know.

Thank you all for walking this journey with us. Please continue to pray for Finley Elisse and our family.


Blogger Sandy D. said...

I am someone who is waiting with you and knows how frustrated you feel. We are trying to find a birth mom and a baby as well. Today my school (I'm a teacher too) had the fall carnival. All of the way there I dreaded it because I knew I would see families I don't normally see. I just knew I would hear that dreaded question.... what's going on with the adoption? Except today NO ONE asked... and I had to fight back the tear on the way home because I know they have all given up on me ever having an answer. See- I am a emotional wreck too! You are in good company. This SUCKS!

5:40 PM  
Blogger SassyCupcakes said...

I'm so sorry the game has changed on you. That's so unfair when you've already been through so much already. I really hope your little girl finds her way to you soon.

For us, we're 20 months in to the application process with no idea what kind of chance we have of being approved. If we are, we go into a pool where some will get matched right away, others will wait for a year or two, some will wait for 7 or 8 years, others will never get matched at all. It's so frustrating when all around us other people are able to have control over their family building. It's so terribly unfair.

12:14 AM  
Blogger Piccinigirl said...

My heart just aches for you both and for Finn.because she is going to be sooooo loved when someone places her in your arms.

My prayers and thoughts are with you...always. *hug*

4:31 AM  
Blogger ajsritter said...

Have you ever watched Adoption Diaries on We TV? I wonder if the Independent Adoption Center might be able to help you and your hubby. I'm sure your agency is doing the best they can, but this adoption center has so much publicity and ability to reach out and touch so many possible birthmoms. I know you've been at this for a while, and I don't want to be that person that says, "Have you tried this?" when that was like the second thing you thought to try years ago. I'm behind the curve I'm sure because I had never ever heard of that show until I saw it recently and was captivated. Good luck- I am always checking your blog and hoping for you. And it's ok to be angry and not optimistic at times, because sometimes life just plain sucks. And people should feel comfortable enough in their own skin to say so.

6:05 PM  
Blogger Pusillanimous Wanker said...

I do, and keep reading for that inevitable good news. Then I will keep reading for that inevitable joy. Best of luck to you, however circuitous.

6:44 PM  
Blogger Jeanna said...

Hugs to you....hang in there!

6:08 PM  
Blogger Barbara C said...

I'm a birthmom. i relinquished 30 years ago.

The parents of my son (i have no other word to call him) waited well over ten years to adopt and they really didn't even think anyone would allow them a baby, they were very old.

God kept them on hold for MY baby. they were the PERFECT parents for HIM!

don't give up and don't lose hope. YOUR baby needs you to maintain.

sincerely, bp

6:09 PM  

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