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Thursday, November 11, 2004

Burning Questions vol.1

What I wonder about You...
I know that you are reading this and that most of you have a blog of your own... and lately I wonder about you. I no longer think of you as my imaginary friends but as real people who I look forward to seeing at the end of a long day... So, I thought that once a week or so I would just post a few questions that I am wondering about the people who stop by my blog...

1. Roll call...
(Who is reading and where in the world are you??? I usually don't get many comments but I know you are out there...)

2. Does your hubby or partner know about your blogging?
(Mr. D. does know about my blog and I think he reads it pretty regularly... But it took me several weeks to get up the nerve to tell him about it in the first place. He says that he likes reading it... but sometimes it makes him a little uncomfortable like he is reading my diary or something. If you don't have a blog... does your hubby know that you seek support from online friends?)

3. Do your friends and family know that you have a blog and do you let them read it?
(Nic is my only friend that I have told about my blog... Oh.. she called me from London last night and everything is fine... they have just been getting settled and she has been REALLY sick... She is 11 weeks now so hopefully that morning sickness will subside for her soon. I actually have told my mom and my brother that I write a blog... but I won't tell them the address... I tell them that it is "therapy"...)

4. Do you sometime long to tell everyone you know about your blog?
(Sometimes I do... I just wish they could understand me better and know how I am feeling and when I need more support... but I don't think I would ever really put it out there... to weird...I mean... if they don't care enough to ask how I am doing... why would they wan to read about it on the internet???)

5. Do you keep a hard copy of your blog entries?
I have been thinking about how to do this... If I should print it out with comments or just keep it on a disk... Any suggestions??? I would like to be able to keep my blog as a journal and someday (when they are grown) share it with the children I am trying so desperately to have... but have a weird fear that one day I will log in to Blogger and everything will be gone...)


That is it for my burning questions this week.. Thanks for indulging me... I really do wonder about YOU.

PS... I am 10 dpo (if I "O"???) I have had pings and pangs in my tummy... and last night noticed my sore boobs. I am totally chalking this up to stress and progesterone cream. I am proud to say that I have not started the HPT self torture this month yet... My goal is to hold off until Sunday morning before I start testing.... That way I will be on cd25 before I start testing and driving myself bonkers...

17 Comments:

Blogger Jenna said...

Hey Jamie,
I read your blog every day. I don't always post but sometimes. Here is about me.
1. My name is Jenna I live in San Antonio
2. I have a blog but I haven't writen on it in quite a while. I have been felt like writing. To many sad things. My Partner knows about my blog when I wrote in it he would read it from time to time.
3. My SIL and Brother know that I have a blog but they don't have the address. My best friend reads my blog from time to time. (She reads your blog too.)
4. I don't long to tell everyone about my blog. I would feel that it is to personal and there is alot of people that I don't want them to know how much I hurt.
5. I did keep a hard copy of my blog. I have it saved on a disk. I want to be able to keep it for what ever comes out of it.
I hope that your day is going great it is a little chilly here down in San Anton. I love it.
Good luck with waiting to test.

6:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. My name is Karrie I am in Oregon, Cornelius small town outside of Portland.

2. I do not have a blog of my own and my husband does not know I am online reading yours. I don't think he would really be interested. I have to say you do a great job conveying your pain and feelings on here.

3-5 Again don't apply to me I do not have one. I would be too afraid I would get upset with someone and they would read it and then it would be a big mess.

I found out about your blog from Pregnancy Weekly I used to be on the TTC board. I had been pregnant in Jan 04 and had a miscarriage in March 04. I waited three months to try again and was finally successful again in September 04. I am now a little over 12 weeks and so far so good. I am nervous and scared it will end tomorrow but try to not think about it. I am really praying for you and your husband. I don't comment much but I really think you are helping alot of women by posting what is happening to you. You also have alot of courage to put your feelings on display. Keep trying and don't lose hope I know that you will soon have your little one!!! As for you testing early, I do not think you are insane I did the same thing every month until I finally got the ever so faint line. Luckily it got darker so hang in there and do what makes you feel better. If that means testing early and every day until your period does or does not come do it!!!! Anyways wanted to give you a little background on one of your fans.

Sincerely,

Karrie

8:21 AM  
Blogger Pusillanimous Wanker said...

1. Charlie, AKA "PW". Fayetteville, AR
2. Yes, but she doesn't read it because it is political and she's just not interested. She has a (fairly new) blog of her own, Sweet Imbecilities.
3. Yes. Some do, some don't. My best friend is a regular, though.
4. No, not really. Again . . . not everyone cares too much about Dem politics. And some of the content is inappropriate and / or controversial anyway.
5. No, not at all. I kind of think posts were meant to be ephemeral.

I use Bloglines, so I'm notified whenever you have a new post up. One of the few non-political blogs on my roll!

8:29 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

1.You know me, I'm Erin, I'm in NY.
2. I told Ed I was going to start a blog, but did not yet tell him that i have actually started a blog. I haven't decided if his reading it would make me hold anything important back. That hasn't happened yet (all is fine and readable for him) so I'll probably tell him about it.
3. No, no one else knows. But I haven't had it very long...
4. Sometimes I want to tell people about the blog, mostly "online" people...I like the idea of being able to air my thoughts without having to give any further explanation.
5. No, no hard copies.

9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi there,

Well, I don't disclose where I live because my writing is specific enough that someone may figure out I'm writing about them if they knew the location (as much as I don't care, I don't want to make it that obvious).

My husband knows about my blog and reads it. It is actually an effective way of keeping the lines of communication open between us because he understands better how I feel without me having to spend two hours verbalizing it. The blog is more efficient because it forces me to keep my thoughts linear. My posts take a long time to create and only rarely do I sit down and write them in one pass (Living in the Town of If was the only exception to that, as that was a first copy).

Some people do know about my blog and only those that I won't end up ragging on later (i.e., the few people in my life who haven't pissed me off with stupid comments). For the most part, the blog is for me and I don't really care to share it with anyone who can connect that I am the writer.

No hard copies. I don't really want to share this pain with my children. I want to close the door on this past and burn these pages, so to speak, so I like the idea that this is emphemeral. That, and I'm still coming to grips with how powerful the internet is and words in general. I'm still always surprised to hear a compliment about my writing and still grappling with the fact that my message is getting out there. It's hard because I've had the opposite my whole life, so this takes some getting used to.

xxxooo,
Emily
scrambledeggs

1:01 PM  
Blogger Lala said...

#1 I'm Lauren, I'm in Ottawa, Ontario

#2 My husband doesn't know. He wouldn't understand.

#3 Some of my family knows, not my mom though. I started the blog as a way to keep in touch with far flung friends and former co-workers.

#4 yes and no, I want more friends but not at the cost of self promotion.

#5 no, but I probably should. My husband might find it then.

1:22 PM  
Blogger Jen P said...

1) I'm JenP, originally from the States, but now living at the bottom of the South Pacific in New Zealand.

2) Yes. I've been blogging for a few years, but only since May at my blogspot address. We've been very in the closet about our infertility and I felt I finally needed an outlet. He doesn't read my blog unless I specifically ask him to read certain posts. Sometimes it really helps to have him read something if I'm afraid I just can't speak the words myself. I wish he had a blog and I had an open line of communication into his thoughts!!

3) I have a suspicion my sister-in-laws read my blog although I've NEVER given them the adress. My brother reads it from time to time which I don't really mind. He's bothered by the idea of his sister having sex, so he generally stays away. I wouldn't want my family to read my blog as I've often mentioned particular habits that drive me crazy.

4) Yes!!! I was shopping a few weeks ago after our second adoption training day and a woman in a store hinted that maybe I was pregnant. I felt like just screaming at her that YES I HAD been pg and NOW was not, thanks for rubbing salt into my wound! I guess my belly hasn't subsided enough yet! I sometimes wish I had the url of my blog on my forehead so someone could read what is going on my in my life or my mind at that particular moment. Because we're so in-the-closet it's often hard for family to understand why I'm bawling my eyes out at 5 pm on a Monday when they bring up diaper styles.

5) No, I don't. Sometimes I save them in Word or Notepad if I know blogger might lose them, but I don't feel the need to keep these entries forever. I know that I will make a baby blog for my child in which I document pregnancy (if I ever manage to get pg and stay pg!) and I'd like to keep that, but this, this horrible burden I carry everyday -- I can't wait to be rid of it!!

Great post idea and Best wishes!!

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. My name is Abby, and I live in NYC-have for 15 years (which obviously includes 9/11). I'm a nurse practitioner. I was drawn to the IF blogs b/c I had infertility problems (then preterm labor, then post partum depression...but I digress!).
2. I don't have a blog. My husband knows that I read these blogs. Sometimes I try to tell him an amusing story from one of them-usually I get a blank stare. Oh well. But now he's starting to look at some blogs-usually political.
3,4,5-Don't apply.
-Abby (abfausto@hotmail.com)

3:55 PM  
Blogger chris said...

Chris, Triangle area, NC.

Can't remember the order.

My husband knows. Like Emily, I sometimes use it to tell him things that I don't have the time or inclination to do in person. Also, he just gets things better if they're written down.

My feet hurt.

My two best girlfriends know, but only because I can write about strange things and they still know that I'm at least partially sane.

Don't have the urge to tell others, especially the neighbors or my sister, all of whom are fertile and I like to complain about.

Was there more?

Oh yeah, I'll probably make a hard copy someday.

4:01 PM  
Blogger Kath said...

1. Roll call...
I'm Kath and I am in Western Australia.

2. Does your hubby or partner know about your blogging?
God no. He would delete it straight away and probably start divorce proceedings. He is a very private man when it comes to fertility.

3. Do your friends and family know that you have a blog and do you let them read it?
No. If I told them I couldnt freely bitch about them.

4. Do you sometime long to tell everyone you know about your blog?
Sometimes but blogs arent big in Australia. The only Australin blogs I have seen are overseas students blabbing away or expat americans.

5. Do you keep a hard copy of your blog entries?
No. Another thing for M. to find.

4:03 PM  
Blogger Julianna said...

Hi Jamie Elise.

I am just now becoming a frequent visitor of your blog mainly due to the wedding ring issue. I feel a connection to you because of the acting thing. I moved to L.A. from South Carolina to become an actress. I failed just as I fail at having a baby. It may be just around the corner, I am ever hopeful. About the baby, not the acting.

To answer your questions as I have never commented on your blog before:

1. I am in the Monterey/Carmel area of California. My husband got transferred here almost 2 years ago. I have never loved living anywhere as much as I love living here. We are very active socially and the wine region is a big plus!

2. My husband knows about my blog. He is who told me what a blog was (I was pronouncing it blogue and didn't know why these women were coming up on my failed IVF cycle searches) and he encouraged me to start a blog. He actually helped me post my first picture on my blog but he never reads it. He respects my privacy and loves it that I am getting so much from blogging. I think that he was feeling a bit helpless in the emotional support department and he sees that I have found a community of support. He gets bored with my everyday stories, he has no patience for reading my mental and emotional vomit. I have had a nasty troll problem lately and he said that he would fix it for me ( he is brilliant with a computer, actually used to work for an internet company who specialized in internet security) so he is ready to cap someone's knees. My nasty troll just wished for my plane to crash and my dog to die. NICE! I have just started deleting the troll's comments.

3. My friends and family have heard me mention a blog and I had to explain what a blog was. I told one person, my best friend, and I regret it. I don't ever want to monitor what I write. I write stream of consciousness and don't monitor what I say so those that know me in real life could be hurt by what I write.

4. So far, I have not longed to tell everyone about my blog. I am so vulnerable here online. Raw, honest and vulnerable. I don't want my real life friends or acquaintances to see me this raw.

5. I have no desire to make a hard copy of this nightmare. I certainly don't want a child in my future to read my vulgar language. My blog is for me, right now.

My favorite aunt is Aunt Elise. My first daughter's name will be Anna Elise if I ever have a child. Good luck Sunday with your HPT.

7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Roll call - It's me Chasity....you know who I am and where I am from.

2. my husband knows that I read blogs, but he doesn't know that I finally created my own blog yesterday. He probably thinks I am crazy for having better friends online thank in real life....Oh well.

3. I have told a few people that I was thinking about creating one, but no one knows the name or where it is. When I get up the courage to start letting people read it, I will let you know where it is.

4. I would have to agree with your comment on this one. Since I have only had the blog for 2 days, I haven't really had the yearning to a lot of people.

5. Since I am going to use my blog more as a journal than anything else, I think that I will probably back it up on a disk, that way one day when things seem to start going right, I can look back on this and see if there were any lessons learned. I guess that we will have to wait and see about that one though.

Have a great weekend!

5:47 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

1. Kris from Lewiston, Idaho.

2. My husband reads my blog on occasion. Since I have to pay for my site, I asked before doing so. He reads my posts on occasion, reads my comments on occasion, and actually reads other blogs with me.

3. One of my old friends from where I grew up reads my blog, but she's the only person I know, IRL, that reads it. I think. Other people know I have a blog, but I told them straight out I didn't want them reading. My mom especially, as I try to pretend life is better than it really is to her, and right about reality on occasion on my blog.

4. I talk about it, like I said, everyone knows I have one, but no, I pretend to be in not so much trouble in real life, and on my blog I can let more of the real me out. I don't want those two worlds mixing. (I don't exactly lie IRL, its more that most people don't know about my money problems IRL, like they do online)

5. Nope. I probably should though.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Toni said...

1. It's Toni from IL & tone26.blogspot.com :)
2. Yep - but he doesn't read it often.
3. Some do - but they don't know the address. I talk about them sometimes...
4. Sometimes.
5. I copy them into a word document. But I don't have all the comments. I should go back and get them. Good idea.

1:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi there.

1. I'm from a NYC suburb, just had my first miscarriage and somehow think that spending lots of time online will help me get pregnant faster the next time and hold onto it.

2. I just started my own blog tonight (http://private-problems.typepad.com/my_weblog/) and I don't know if I'll tell my husband. Probably eventually.

3. I definitely won't be telling my friends. I hope I won't be telling them. I think it will be less theraputic if people I know are reading.

4. I'll let you know. I'm not that great at keeping a secret, so maybe.

5. Hmm, haven't thought of it. We'll see.

6:04 PM  
Blogger sherry said...

I'm Sherry...from Southern New England

My hubby does know about my blogging, and encourages me to do it since it's therapeutic and we can't afford to see a real therapist...

Most of my friends know about my blog. The only family member that knows is my sister. She reads it regularly, as do some of my friends. Lately, it's been the only way they know what's going on in my life.

There have been many, many times I've wanted to shout from the rooftops about my blog. I just keep chanting "Self control...self control..."

I do not keep a hard copy of my entries, but now that you mentioned it, I might start.

8:51 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

I'm Becky from the Bay Area of N.California
My husband knows and often visits my BLOG
I have only told people who "get it"
I sometimes want to tell everyone I meet, so far I am not sorry to those I have told.
I keep meaning to hard copy each entry and their comments and put them in my "I am not Pregnant-cy" journal, which used to be jam packed until I ran across this BLOG world, but I havent gotten around to it--YET

12:56 AM  

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