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Friday, November 05, 2004

November 5, 2004

Today was my EDD... November 5, 2004.

I think I got all of my emotional breakdowns out of the way last week because today... well.. I just ignored it.

I was busy all day and didn't give myself the chance to obsess that I "could've/ should've" had a baby today... I just ignored it.

just ignoring it felt good... is that a bad sign?

Sunday is my 33rd birthday...

...maybe I'll just ignore that too.


Blogger Jenna said...

I don't think it is a bad thing that you ignored it. It is a really hard day and it isn't like it is one you will ever forget. I hope that you are doing okay. You are in my thoughts. Happy early birthday (It is also my mom's birthday.) I wanted to share with you a poem that I found online. You might of read it before but I thought it was worth sharing. * warning it is sad but what isn't *
Your Little Angel
Forever will I love you
You will always be my mom
As I sit with angels I look down at you and point proudly
See . . .See her . . .over there, That's her!

Did you know I could hear your thoughts at night
When you used to lie in bed staring, rubbing your hand on your belly
Looking up at the ceiling in the dark wondering things . . .
Who I would look more like . . .
About how my laugh would sound . . .
My First steps . . .
Books that you would read to me . . ones with pictures . . .
"I like Those!"
The park . . .how you would walk me in a stroller to play on the swings
How about after I ate ice cream the dog excitedly licking my
face almost knocking me down . . .
You just smiled when you read that . . I could see you
Do you know I call you "mommy"?
When you are in the kitchen I pretend I am there also and you can see me
I sit at the table and draw with crayons
I made a picture for the refrigerator
Yellow, blue, red and green
Look its of you and me with a sky and trees
I gave you curly hair . . .
Easter . . .that's my favorite
I always think of you holding my hand taking me to church
One of my socks keeps falling down
Mommy . . .I like the way you kiss my sisters goodnight
on the forehead and tuck them in
I play with them in their dreams
They don't know me but if you ask if they ever
dreamed of playing with a little girlthey would say yes . . .
That's me . . .
Do you remember that bird each early spring
that used to always return and sing
It would have been right around the time of my birthday
That was me to . . .
I would sing "I love you"
I am always along side you . . .
Sometimes you can feel me
A brush against your dress, a breeze on your face . . .
that's when I kiss you
You have always kept me in your mind and heart
Thank you . . .
One day we will be together in heaven and you will cry
and lift me in your arms and I will hug
you so very tight and never let go . . .
But for now I have to . . .
No matter where you go, what you do, I am with you
Always know that I am "Your Little Angel"
I love you mommy . . .
Bye . . .
"Your Little Angel" copyright (c) protected Russell Scott Steven Andersen 1997 all rights reserved.

4:56 AM  

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