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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

My (first) Miscarriage Story

Many people have asked me to tell my story... I have to tell it in segments because it is so long... This is the first miscarriage... March 2004...

(If anyone knows how to categorize posts on blogger please let me know... I would like to put these stories on my side bar so they are accessible to anyone who wants to read them...)

please forgive typo's...

In late February of 2004 Mr. D. was leaving to do a show in Houston. He would be gone for 6 weeks and I would go up in the middle during my spring break. The days leading up to him leaving we very strange... I was so emotional... I would cry and just sort of fall apart when we talked about him leaving… He has gone away to do shows before... but this time was different… I was just so upset. The day he left I think I actually begged him not to go... I didn't know what was wrong... but I just felt so scare... so abandoned... I blamed it on PMS and tried to get hold of myself... as he drove to Houston…

4W 3D
4 days later Mr. D. made the 4 hour drive back home... he could be here for 24 hours (it was his day off) and then he would head back I think one of the main reasons he came back was because I was such a mess when he left. So we spent the day together... My period still had not started so I had some left over HPT (of course) and the next morning I woke up before he did and tested... It was the faintest line you had ever seen. In fact, I called the number on the back of the box and talked to a very helpful lady who told me to "step 3 ft away from the test". She said "If you can still see the have a positive". I could still see the line.
I woke Mr. D. up and asked him how many lines he saw "Two...why. What does that mean?" I told him and we hugged...we were so nervous.. He again... had to get in the car and make the 4-hour drive back to his hotel in Houston.

The next week was filled with me taking more HPT's… "We are still pregnant!" I made my first Dr. appt. for 2 weeks later when I would be 6 weeks. We decided not to tell anyone until Mr. D. was back from Houston. I joined Pregnancy Weekly and bought some books... I felt that Mr. D. was missing so much and I couldn’t wait to go up to Houston in 2 weeks for spring break so we could begin to share this pregnancy. The symptoms I had were gas and bloating and bad heartburn... I was so thankful that I was not nauseous. Toward the end of the week I started having a pinching pain on my right side... All of my pg books said cramping was normal during the first few weeks... but since I didn't know what being pg felt like I started to get worried.

5W 3D
On Sunday night I went to the grocery store, bought more gas-X and Tums, HPT, and came home and watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That night I felt a little better... but when I talked to Mr. D. on the phone and decided I would call the doctor in the morning if I still had any pain.

Monday morning I left a message to ask the doctor about the pinching pain. I had just made it to school when the nurse called me back This is the part I will never understand.... the nurse said "well we are to packed to see you today...but if you are having pain you should go to the ER for an ultrasound." That one sentence sent me into what was a really terrible day…. Remember no one knows I am pregnant... I PANIC... I call the school secretary and tell here that my doctor thinks I may be having a miscarriage or and ectopic pregnancy and that I have to go the ER. They told me to go and they will handle everything... I told the teacher across the hall… everyone offered to drive me but I said no... And I left in a panic...hysterical...alone... on my way to the ER. (By "working me in" my doctore could have saved me $1700 and a lot of panic... but off to the ER I flew...)

Mr. D was very worried... On one hand I desperately wanted him to leave Houston and come home right then... on the other... I knew he needed this job and so we decided that he would stay... for now…

The people at the ER were really nice... They put me in a curtained off room that thank God had a TV... I laid there for several hours crying... talking on the cell phone to Mr. D. and "trying" to watch bad daytime TV. They took urine and blood and finally took me to the ultrasound room. The tech I was "supposed" to be 5W4D's but the tech kept asking me if I was "sure" about my LMP and my conception date... since Mr. D had been out of town for 11 days... I was very sure…
Finally after about 5 hours a gruff doctor came in and told me that things didn't look good... He "thought" he could see a sac in my uterus but it was small... he could not see a heartbeat and t him this probably meant miscarriage... he told me I would have to have another blood draw in 48 hours and we would no more then. Now. I understand all of this perfectly... but then I was so scared... so confused... that as I was released from the ER I again panicked... I just didn't understand what was happening.

Again I was totally hysterical in the parking lot of the ER... I talked to Mr. D again and he asked me to just drive over to my doctor’s office and demand that they see me and explain things to me...And I did.

I can only imagine what they thought of me when I walked in to the office and told them that I had to talk to my doctor. I was crying and holding the "threatened abortion" hospital paper work. I waited there for another hour... they moved me in to a room... probably because I was scaring the plump happy pregnant women. Finally they said that my doctor could not see me (EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS THERE AND I COULD SEE HER WALKING AROUND) "but" they said, "We have a new doctor who would be happy to talk to you."

The new doctor was very nice and explained how the hcg numbers work... he did another u/s and explained to me while we looked on the screen what he saw (a small sac in my uterus) he told me that 5W 4D could be to early to see a heartbeat and that "we just don't have enough information to tell right now" I would get another blood draw on Wednesday and another u/s on Thursday... for now I was pregnant... I guess he gave me some hope to help calm me down... I felt better after I talked to him... I talked to Mr. D. again on my way home... All of this had taken 7 hours...I was still crying… and I still was scared but I felt a little better.

Unfortunately.... this was only the beginning.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

No one should ever have to go through an experience like that. I'm so sorry.


11:46 AM  
Blogger Rosanne said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. My heart is aching for you. No one should have to go through what you did. ((((HUGS))))

4:59 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

That is so sad to read, I feel your pain and wish I could make it all go away, but I know time is healing ...and so is another BFP.. I will be wishing and hoping for you to get what you and your husband so much deserve.
Love Ya Girl.

2:07 AM  

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