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Sunday, January 02, 2005

Out with the Suck... In with 2005.

I am not really superstitious.... but I do believe that (generally... in the past... for me) that the way that you spend New Years Eve is somehow cosmically directly related to the pending year... and last year (2004) New Years sucked and brought in 2004 a "Year of Suck" for me.

So... this year I was bound and determined to kick 2004 out the door and welcome 2005 in a way that befitted the year to come. We were invited to parties... but neither Mr. D. or I felt much like a party... after such a sad and melancholy year it just seemed to forced to "party" with a bunch of acquaintances that we have mostly already forgot.... We looked in the newspaper and saw lots of "events" that we (for the bargain price of $150 per couple) could attend and dance the night away... but again that seemed a little to "forced merriment" for me.... I wanted the coming year to be comfortable... to be (gasp) normal.... to be filled with "extraordinary happiness" for me and Mr. D...

So as simple as it sounds... here is a chronicle of our New Years Eve....

We started the "party" at 2:00 pm at the movies... we saw the sweetest movie FINDING NEVERLAND... I cried so many times during this movie... it was just a beautiful sweet sweet sweet story... and even though it was sad... it left you hopeful... Then we went out to a "fancy" dinner at Red Robin.. I had my ultimate favorite Blue Ribbon burger and fries. After the early bird dinner we went back to the movies for THE INCREDIBLES. It was probably about 7:30 when we left the movies and we went for frozen custard.... guess what we had... An entire slice of apple pie, whipped cream, nuts, and carmel all smooshed together in vanilla custard to make a sort of glob of yummy goodness that they call a "concrete". OMG... was it ever good.. Mr D. and I shared in in the car as we talked about our favorite parts of the movies.

On the way home we stopped by Mr. D's parents house to wish them and his niece and nephew (ages 12 & 10) a Happy New Years... We stayed there until about 10 dining again on cheese puffs and soda with the kids and helping put together a 550 piece I Love Lucy puzzle of Lucy stomping on grapes.

When we got home Mr. D and I did something that I have been putting off all the holidays... We wrote about Christmas #9 in our Family Christmas memory book that we started on our very first Christmas together when we were dating... when we only dreamed that someday we might be married and a "family". Usually this is a warm and fuzzy Christmas Eve tradition when we review the past year and write about all the highlights... vacations, shows we did, family events, big events like getting a National Tour of a show or building our first home.. just stuff that rounded out the year in our lives. This year... there were so many sad set backs... so much hurt and pain that I couldn't even think of writing about it in out precious Christmas book... But together we wrote and although it was sad... we called it the "Year We Survived." The most ironic thing I noticed is that the last line of 2002 was "starting to think about babies" and the last line of 2003 said "STILL thinking about babies..." But as we reduced our highs and lows to a few scribbled notes we remembered to be thankful that all of our families and friends were still with us and that we were still safe and sound together.... the last line for 2004..."The Year We Survived".

At 11:40 Mr. D and I went on to our back patio and held a private little ceremony that we made up to usher out 2004... We sat at our little patio table and wrote down all the things that we wanted to say goodbye to in 2004... mine listed a lot of emotions that I am tired of... hurt, fear, pain, sadness, things like that... I also wrote a little goodbye to my two tiny angel babies... I don't know what Mr. D. wrote...we didn't really share our thoughts... it was more private than that... we took a pretty crystal dish and lit the papers that we wrote the goodbyes on on fire... I watched them until the were only ashes in the bowl and then, as Mr. D. Suggested, I sprinkled the ashes on to the rose bushes in our backyard... "So something good can come of it" he said.

We held open the back door so we could heart the count down and joined in the last 10 counts... 10... 9.... 8.... At the stroke of midnight we leapt into the air and banged on pots and pans yelling "Happy New Year"!!!!! (a childhood family tradition that I had not participated since I was a teenager for fear of the neighbors thinking I was weird like the rest of my family). After that we embraced and I just whispered in Mr. D's ear "pray"... and we did... Silently but together. I finally again thanked God for my husband and for keeping or family and friend safe in The Year of Suck... and I asked God to "maybe... work on... the stuff that went so wrong..." After a few more skips around the back yard yelling "goodbye sucky 2004"... we hugged and went back in to our home...

This is my family.. me and Mr. D... yeah... there is more family that we love and friends that we care about... but I spent New Years in the most important way I could... with my family.

Goodbye 2004 (don't let the door hit ya..)
Welcome 2005... Ever hopeful...


Side note.. it has come to my attention that most of the infertile girls on my link list have become fertile!!!! A fact that I am very happy (and jealous) about!
A Little Pregnant - welcome Charlie!!!!
Barely Tenured - pg with a hcg of over 3000
Chez Miscarriage - Sarah is still pg!!! YAY!
The Crooked Cervix - back to blogging and safely still pg...
Enough Already - pg!!!
Mystery Uterus pg!!!!
The Growing Season -pg and 1/2 there!!!
The Naked Ovary - Adopting!!! Maya will be home in 10 months!!!
My Reich Ovary -Pregnant!!! Yay left ovary!
Horkin Ramblings - yep.. you guess it pg...

So... even though I love these "fertile" infertiles... I need to list some more "infertile" infertiles on my links page so they can get pregnant too (since being listed on my blog may increase the odds of pregnancy)! So... Send me some sites to link up to... I'll call it "The Best Infertile Blogs I Am Not (YET) Reading" Quest for More Friends Sweepstakes!!!!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wishing you a happy, wonderful 2005 filled with all your dreams coming true.


9:32 AM  
Blogger Jen P said...

What a beautiful, beautiful ceremony you and your husband had. It was so poignant and yet so peaceful. I hope something very, very good comes of the ashes of 2004 and 2005 treats you both very, very well.

Best wishes.

2:29 PM  
Blogger Jen P said...

It doesn't seem my previous comment posted. Grr. Maybe it will later.

If it doesn't, I just wanted to wish you a wonderful new year.

And I'd like to alert everyone to Rosanne @ The Daily Sip. She's just started her blog and seems a real rockin' chick.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

:-) Very poetic . . . I, too, share your feelings on how you bring in the New Year.

I have my fingers crossed for you (and me!) for this year. My story is VERY similar to yours (I had a Beetlejuice, 2 m/c, etc. ) I enjoy reading your blog and would love it if you could add me to your "Infertile" Infertiles list. :-)

Happy New Year - Sara
"Baby or Bust"

8:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey there,
It seems as if you had a nice New Years. I hope this next year is so much better. It must of been so hard to write this year in your christmas book. You can add my blog if you want.
I have started keeping up again. Talk to you soon.

12:07 AM  
Blogger CallistaWolf said...

What a wonderful New Years! I wish we could have spent it that way, instead of with friends. I think after a year as sucky as 2004, you kind of need to do it privately. Oh well. I hope it has the desired affect on 2005 for you!

And I'm a new blog, secondary infertility, had a stillborn this last year... all that fun. :P
Wow, lots of great blogs posted here! *adds them to her blogroll*

8:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just found the waiting for Godot blog - she is hilarious - all the best for you in 2005 - what did that concrete actually look like? never heard of such a thing

6:18 PM  
Blogger Chas said...


It sounds as if you celebrated the New Year right!

I agree with you on getting rid of 2004...I couldn't wait for it to be over. Out with the old and in with the new!

This will be the year of the "infertile". Our luck has got to change!

Happy New Year!

5:11 AM  
Blogger MsPrufrock said...

A hearty bon voyage to the Year of Suck for me as well. I think your ushering out of 2004 was vastly superior to mine--playing big prize bingo with the in-laws and assorted other family.

Now for the shameless self-promotion bit. I have a brand spankin' new infertility blog, and as I'm still one of those infertile infertiles, stop on by and commisserate:

Best wishes for the upcoming year.


11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is very late, as we are about to enter 2006, but lordy I wish that Maya WAS home in ten months, because look! It's over ELEVEN months since you wrote that last entry and I still have about 6-7 months to go! AGHGHGHGHGH!

Karen/Naked ovary

3:07 PM  

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