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Saturday, February 05, 2005

Tell me if you think this is weird????

I am not the jealous type (except about babies..) But I have always been very secure in my relationship with Mr. D. But I have GOT to tell you about his psycho ex-girlfriend... We'll call her...hmmm.... LISA.

Lisa and Mr. D dated like YEARS ago... probably over 10 years ago.... They had been broken up for long while by the time I came around 8 1/2 years ago... Lisa lives in California and writes play... for a (sort of) living among selling old records on Ebay and channeling dead people for extra cash. When Mr. D . and I first started dating they were still in contact and she would write him letters or email and call every once in a while... She was also in contact with his parents... Mr. D's dad always did her taxes each year... I never really minded (because she was in CALIFORNIA...) During our first year together Mr. D. went to CA. for an audition and stayed with her... THIS was the biggest fight we have had in our whole relationship because I just didn't think that was appropriate... but whatever. He came back... reiterated that Lisa is still crazy.. and we moved on...

I have to say here that Mr. D. and I have always known that Lisa was still in love with him. You can just tell she thinks that he was the love of her life and really regrets the fact that they are not together... Mr. D. says he thinks it is because she liked HER life better when they were together... so she relates that to him. He says their relationship was never "that" great... and that she was ultimately too strange for him to deal with... She is VERY artsy and has been known to do weird things like "channeling"... uhm... dead people... Think Pheobe from Friends... sweet but just a touch insane... okay... more than a touch... My she is little and cute and blond so that makes it easier to be that "kooky" insane instead of "insane" insane. But never the less... I have always known that Lisa was still pining for my man.

Five years ago Mr. D. and I were in a national tour of a musical and one of our stops was Pasadena, CA... so we made plans to visit Lisa... We got together for dessert the first night we got there... I met her... we saw her house... a renovated 1 room garage in Southern California... met for dessert another night... everything was very friendly... I was not at all threatened by her in fact I thought she was very nice... totally crazy... but nice.

Four years ago when we got engaged we sent Lisa an engagement announcement (like we did to ALL of our friends...) But Lisa wrote a NASTY email to Mr. D. saying that she was offended to find out about our engagement through the mail... (they same way everyone else did... we got engaged on Thanksgiving and announced our engagement in our Christmas card....) At that point she broke off all contact to Mr. D. He tried to email her back... but she never responded.
We did send her a wedding announcement a year later and still heard nothing from Lisa...

Last week Lisa called Mr. D.'s parents. (Keeping in mind that she has not had contact with them or us in four years...) His parents are in their 70's and have moved to a new home in the past 4 years.. so she had to FIND them on the internet to contact them. She is in town in a local playwriting competition and wants to have lunch with them... NEVER MENTIONS inviting or contacting Mr. D.... just wants to see them... (the same people who she hasn't cared to contact for 4 years....)

So they go to lunch with her (which actually hurts MY feelings but that is another whole issue). I don't know much about this "mystery" lunch since we weren't invited and Mr. D refuses to ask any questions about what the fuck she wanted with his parents... I did find out that she went to see my in-laws house, the went to lunch, AND that Mr. D.'s sister also joined them at the restaurant for this happy reunion!!!! (MAJOR lost SIL points... and she didn't have many to start with...)

We do know that she is leaving Dallas today (YAY!), that she married 3 years ago to an insurance guy, and that her play is in this competition. That is all I know... Mr. D. says it is no big deal... he thinks she is RUDE... but doesn't really care much about Lisa anyway. I CARE... I think it is FREAKING STRANGE... I want her to leave MY in-laws alone and want to know why she didn't contact us??? I was nice to her... I tried to accept that she could remain a part of our lives even though she was openly still in love with my husband... And then she sneaks in and lunches with my IN-LAWS... the gloves are off... Am I mad that she contacted my in-laws? Am I mad that she didn't contact my husband??? Am I mad that she didn't want to see how great we are together??? YES... ALL of that... I. AM. MAD.

Here is my question... Would you contact the 70+ year old parents of a boyfriend who broke up with you over 10 years ago and who YOU got pissed off at 4 year ago for sending you an engagement announcement by mail to have lunch while you were 2000 miles away from home??? Would your "insurance guy" husband mind????

Please tell me this is insane behavior...
Please tell me that I am the normal one in this scenario...

Please tell me that my MIL & SIL didn't tell Lisa personal stuff about me like how I keep having m/c's and that I can't seem to get over it...

Please... tell me something....


Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's a few ways to look at this:

1: That she's up to something (but I don't think so), or

2: That perhaps she was missing his parents. I still keep in touch with the mother of an ex-boyfriend (we're both married and don't even live in the same city -- we also REALLY don't like each other). His mother even came to my wedding. It was no threat, our relationship was completely separate from my relationship with her dickhead son.

I would say that she just wanted to have lunch and say hello. I would say that it's something more nefarious if,

3: She tries to contact D, then I might view it as a way back into the family.

I really wouldn't go down path number 3, I'd stick with choice number 2 because I don't think you have enough to go on right now. I will say, I'd feel exactly the same as you and that is because right now we're raw. TTC takes it out of you, it leaves you vunerable and makes you anxious. Take a deep breath, Mr. D is with you and could care less about an old flame.

Thinking of you.


7:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Delurking to say that she's clearly violating a boundary here--creepy! My husband's ex continued to send birthday and holiday cards to his young nieces (who were probably too young to understand who she was in relation to the family) and even sent a wedding invitation to his sister. I was entirely weirded out by that, despite having a solid relationship with my spouse and his family.

I think your husband is right--some women fall in love with the life they're living in a relationship and have a really hard time giving it up.

My fingers are crossed that your MIL and SIL had enough sense to keep your personal business to themselves.

7:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nope, you're right, she's nuts!
-Abby (

7:39 AM  
Blogger E. said...

Ya know, I can maybe, possibly see it if she had kept in touch with them all these years. However, I think it's very weird that she contacted your in-laws after four years of nothing. For me, it would feel like a huge intrusion -- huge.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

I think I would feel the same way, Jaime. I love my in-laws and I don't want to share them with Megan or Christine. (sticking out tongue)

1:12 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

Ok, What's her game? Maybe nothing but we are woman and we know woman and how they think... Maybe it good she is a little nuts and the lunch was just to fill up some weird space in her daily planner. Well, you are aware and Mr D does not sound like he wants to put up with her anymore so this is good, easier to nip anything in the but so to speak if it starts to develop.
Let's hope she stays away and has no need to come near Mr D's parents , you or mr D again....If she does you know something is not right.

4:19 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Jaime -
I'm sorry but I think it is totally strange that an ex-girlfriend all of a sudden gets in contact with your in-laws. However, you know she is crazy.

My issue would be....what the heck were the in-laws meeting with her for? Shouldn't the response have been "well, that is really nice of you to ask but I think it would make my son and my daughter in law uncomfortable so I will have to pass."
My husband's ex (from 10 years ago) showed up this past year at my sister-in-laws house - out of nowhere - and I was completely livid -

What the heck is her agenda? and what were the in-laws thinking????

You are definately not crazy - you sound like the only sane One!

Sorry you are going through this!

6:26 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

I think it is hella strange. But you said she is a little kooky anyway and so I just think that she is one of those people that just keep the drama going. No matter what, she always has to have drama. Or "something" going on. I just hope, like you said, that they would have the courtesy of not telling your personal business. Chances are, she was getting information on him and now that she has it, she probably will leave them alone for a few years again. She may be married but that doesn't mean anything...she is probably in that long lost love mind-set.

5:49 AM  
Blogger Ally said...

Jaime, I sent you an email about this...go read LOL

6:31 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Just freaky-deaky if you ask me!

11:39 AM  
Blogger Dear Diary said...

Lisa definitely sounds like she's "cuckoo for cocoa puffs" if you ask me! I'd actually be glad she didn't contact you or your husband -- stay far, far away from this one!

5:48 PM  

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