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Friday, January 28, 2005

Monthly Meltdown...

Why does the force of getting AF hit me about 3 or 4 days into my new cycle. I knew a week ago that I wasn't pregnant... and I got my period 3 days ago... So why tonight do I feel like I am having my monthly "why-am-I-not-having-a-baby-and-everyone-else-is" breakdown?

I guess it is because I am home alone... Mr. D is working at a studio tonight "voicing" some big burly cartoon wrestler for the Cartoon Network... (Ahhh... the life of an actor...) And I am home... basically feeling sorry for myself and crying at the drop of a hat... It just hits me sometimes... that I am REALLY having trouble getting pregnant... Real trouble... and it just feels like there is an emptiness inside me that nothing can fill.

No matter how much I try... I just don't feel like the same person that I was before my miscarriages... I just don't.

Erin D. sent me a link about a new book about miscarriage... It is called COMING TO TERM. It is the story about a couple trying to cope with 4 recurrent and unexplained miscarriages... I think I can relate to it a lot after reading the excerpt... maybe it will give me some insight and help me over this hump...


Uhm... I know this is sort of random... but could you guys please say a prayer for me this weekend? Tomorrow... Saturday (the 29th) was my EDD for my second pregnancy... and I am really feeling the pain of all this again... Every time I think I am starting to get past the pain of my lost babies... Well... I just need your prayers this weekend.


9 Comments:

Blogger Sara said...

Jaime,

I am so sorry that you feel down right now. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. I don't know if you are interested, but I will most likely be in the Dallas area in April or May - maybe we could meet and have lunch!

I am so sad that your DD is approaching, mine would have been March 5 and I often think about how I will feel when it is here.

I am going to go order the book right now, thanks for the link.

I hope your weekend gets a little better. Yes, I will most definitely say a prayer for you . . .

7:49 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

Jamie, it was good to chat to you today even if you are feeling down. I am glad you wanted to chat. I will say a special prayer for you tonight. I try to pray for you often as I know it has to happen if we keep praying and thinking positive. Atleast we know we CAN get pregnant, that is not much of a consolation but atlest we do know it is a possibility... I so hope you get your BFP soooooooooon, really really soon... We can do it!
Love Lesley

12:57 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Hi Jamie,

It has been a very long time since I've commented. I passed my EDD (25th) this week too and so I know how you are feeling right now. I will send a prayer your way.....

Jen Hancock

4:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, this crap is soooo hard. My EDD is coming up soon and I just know I'm going to be melting down.

Thinking of you.

xxoo,
Emily

5:50 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Jamie,
I remember when I had my meltdown the day AF arrived. Now it is a few days later. I hate it. I just get so sad I just want to cry the whole day. I usually just mope around the house saying "why can't I have a baby". It is sad how many times a normal day I say the comment and I won't even count how many times I say it in my head.

I really truely miss the way I was before. It was so nice to have other thoughts. Thoughts that were happy and hopeful. Not sad and lonely. Do you ever thing that we will be the same again? I truely hope.

That book sounds like it will be really good. I will have to read it and add it to my collection. Anyone that walks into our home gets to see a collection of books... about 10 pg books, 6 raising children books, 5 m/c books (they are harder to find), and 2 infertility books. This collection also leaks into my car. I love to read but I hate it when people ask what are you reading. You know they really don't want to know and you really don't want to tell them Infertitly for Dummies.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers, but today even more so. I wish I could be there for you take you out do something. Even just cry. I hope that Mr D is able to be there today and you guys do something special to remember your little one.

Hugs,
Jenna

5:54 AM  
Blogger Suz said...

Hi, Jaime -

You are definately in my thoughts and prayers. I always ask my mother in law to pray for me when I'm in trouble. She's Catholic and has prayed all of her life; her prayers always seem to carry more weight to me. I'll ask her to pray for you too.

6:39 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Jamie, I'll keep you in my prayers. I hope your day and weekend get better for you.

Heather M.

11:29 AM  
Blogger Kath said...

When I was at the Australia Day fireworks I thought I should have been 8 months pregnant by now. Then I realised I would have already had my babies and they would be one soon. Time is a bitch like that.

Sorry about getting AF, agian.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Thinking of you, sweetie. Hope you got through the weekend okay.

5:51 PM  

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