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Tuesday, February 01, 2005

The Forgotten

Another movie to add to the Infertile Bloggirl's WARNING: DO NOT WATCH list is THE FORGOTTEN starring Julianna Moore...

This is a tricky one... because it seems like there would be NOTHING that would bother me about it.. And yet, since 3 nights ago on my EDD, I completely fucking lost it while watching this movie... I thought I would bring it to your attention.

The movie is about a mom named Telly who's 9 year old son was killed in a plane crash 14 months prior. Through the first 15 minutes of the movie there are heart breaking scenes of her grief. Telly spends her days with her psychologist and her nights going through memory books and video tapes of her son's life. Lots of scenes with her husband trying to help her "get over" this loss....Then... one day... she goes to the memory books and they are all empty... She freaks because she thinks her husband took the pictures and the videos to force her to let go... (so far.. I was totally ok with this thriller...)

Cut to scene in the psychologist's office where they break the news to her that the books and video tapes were always empty... SHE NEVER HAD A CHILD... that she had a MISCARRIAGE. All of her memories were trauma induced and her brain made up the past nine happy years with her son to "protect" her from the grief of losing her baby....

OK.. at this point I give a shocked look to Mr. D. and he says "Oh my God... Do we need to stop it?" I nodded and by the time the DVD stopped I was a sobbing mess. I just wasn't expecting that AT ALL... I had to sit in the bathroom for several minutes trying not tho vomit... I felt like I was having a panic attack... I just felt so... blindsided....

It took me a good 30 minutes to pull myself together. Believe it or not, I actually wanted to finish watching the movie... which had NOTHING at all to do with miscarriage... Without telling the story or the ending I will just say that it is like a long X-files episode... The rest of the film was fine and didn't bother me at all... but the whole "you-never-had-a-child-and-you-just-made-up-the-last-nine-years-to-"protect"-yourself-from-the-unbearable-grief-of-your-miscarriage" left me a hysterical crying blob in the bathroom. At the very end of the movie moment there is a scene where she is whispering "I had life inside of me... I am a mother" that also kind of got to me... but nothing like the now infamous "you never had a baby" scene.

Anyway, add it to the warning list of movies that sneak in some aspect of infertility that we weren't bargaining for when we picked up the movie at Blockbuster...

Why can't I just watch a MOVIE without this kind of crap happening???


Blogger E. said...

That completely sucks, especially when you're just trying to catch a movie and relax...

11:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok so I clicked on your blog four hours ago and read the title and the first few paragraphs. Pause reading and sent my husband out to get the movie...sick? Um yeah I know....glutton for punishment.

So now I just returned to the blog after watching the whole movie including the alternate version...

I liked the movie but I had to put myself in your shoes...we might not talk on the phone, or even eat dinner at one anothers house but damn it I can at least watch the same movie when my friend was smacked upside the head with it. So think of it this way...your pal Al was watching with you and might have been handing tissues through the door. I am so sorry you are sad about your babies. I do hope one day you have a real child to hold.

love alex (infertile popcorn making gourmet)

4:41 PM  
Blogger Suz said...

I rented this movie in the hotel room last week, but it made me upset for a different reason. The entire movie seemed to be making the point that the tie between mother and son is a biological tie. One of love and nurture, sure, but these feelings only arise because of biology. It made me so furious when I thought of all of those parents who adopt and sustain the same ties that I turned the movie off 15 minutes before the ending. And I had paid 10.55 for it. You're right. They should have a warning on these things.

5:43 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...


Although I haven't seen the movie you are speaking about I can understand when a miscarriage, seemingly out of nowhere, smashes you in the face. My miscarriage was 17 months ago and I still sometimes just break down over some small thing. It has gotten better -and usually my breakdowns are when I am alone - but I don't think I will ever truly get over it. Amazingly, talking about the whole experience on the blog - even if it isn't to anyone really - helps a bit - as I am sure you have already discoverd.

Talk to you soon.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Chas said...


Thanks for letting us know about this movie! I know what you mean about PW. I am in the mind set that I am going to give up on them and move on, but, I keep going back!

You know, I think I am going to change my posting to Sporty...thanks for the idea! I will do that right now.

Take care and thinking about you,

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great, another movie to add to the list of how people perceive those of us suffering from infertility and miscarriage. The best one (and I say this sarcastically) to me is the Law and Order episode where the woman amped up on fertility drugs goes to the bank to shoot her husband because she is so 'crazy' on the drugs, blah, blah, blah.

Hollywood needs to get a grip.

Sorry this made you feel so badly.


9:24 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Hey Jaime - in case you read your comments before you check out the PW boards - we got our Board - TTC for Over 1 Year!!!! Your persistance paid off!!!

11:18 AM  
Blogger Chas said...


We got our TTC over a year board on PW! Whoo hoo! I think I might just stay there a little longer now.


11:44 AM  
Blogger lilmisstypo said...

I had a warning for those with sensitivities on my site ... and this movie was one of them ..... It was an awsomely done movie and a great story but it was very hard to watch ..... haveing kids or not .... it was hard to handle.... I have 2 boys and i have misscarried upteen times .... For both parts ... the loss of a baby inside you ..... and the loss of a little child you grew to love in the 9 yrs.... or in my case 5 and 7 and thinking that you might have made it all up ...... I just think the bond was unbreakable ... that is why it was so good ..... the aliens wanted to know how in the world this bond was so strong ......... but once you have held your baby in your body or even in your arms( as for adoptions) there is nothing that breaks it ,..... nothing at all .... i am sory they didnt have a warning on it that is hard to take ..... hope you are doing well now ...

2:52 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

It always creeps up on you too. I am sorry that they have these silly movies around. Though sometimes it can help with the grieving process and all. Shame it can't give us a BFP..
But to a happier note.. We have our board, way to girl!
Luv Lesley

12:31 AM  

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