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Thursday, April 21, 2005

98.2

Well... looks like a downward spiral.. In fact I almost cried and called in to work this morning when I saw the 98.2. I *still* have no idea what is going on. I feel myself sinking in to a depression (added to the fact that Mr. D. is in rehearsals so I get home from work at 4 PM and he walks out the door at 4:45...) This doesn't feel like a depression that is based in sadness... no it is different... it is based in frustration and anger... It is the kind of depression that makes you want to sit on the sofa alone... not satisfied by anything... but certainly not having the energy to call someone.. Why??? To say "Yeah.. I am sad that I can't get pg... What?? Oh you have to take your kids to Little League... Ok.. I'll catch you later." I don't want to talk about it anymore... I just want to cry.


Oh... And about Pusillanimous Wanker's comment on my last entry... Don't crucify him... Everytime he posts I am amazed that he is still reading... I don't even think Mr. D is still reading... I like having PW around... and believe it or not, I feel the same way he does ... I am sick of charts and temps... I am tired of not getting any closer top my goal. It is just that Mr. D. and I are not finacially in a position to adopt. I have looked into it... but we can not afford the $18,000-25,000 that it would cost to start. We don't even have the $5000 to start the process. We are also up against a lot to over come become Mr. D. is about to be 44 and 45 is the cut off age for adoption with most agencies here in Texas. I know that PW's advice was well meaning.. and you have to remember he is a guy... but PW.. we are just not there yet... maybe someday we will be... But for now I am doing the temps and charts and doctors... and that is frustrating. For now we are doing the best we can...

Too upset to continue....

11 Comments:

Blogger VHMPrincess said...

Did you have a test to see if o'd yet (progesterone)??? Not all women on clomid O day 14-17. My friend o'd on day 21 last round (she's preg now) and me on day 23-30 depending on circumstances...

Sending a box of cyber-chocolates your way.

9:41 AM  
Blogger VHMPrincess said...

i take that back, just read that you did have progesterone checked...scratch my last comment please...except the part about the chocolates!

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Sara said...

Oh Jaime, I am so sorry that you are having "one of those days". If it makes you feel any better, it is 11 am here and I have barely moved from my original spot on the couch this morning. My husband is so busy that he walks in and is asleep within minutes every night and I am just plain sad.

While I don't think guy-guy on your last post was trying to be malicious, it is just really hard to give someone that kind of advice, especially when you don't have a vagina. I am sure he meant well. Adoption is one of those things I have thought more about lately, more just because I am trying to prepare for what may end up in our future.

I just posted to Danae's blog and said the same I will tell you: If you still have *the fight* left in you, then keep going. I certainly hope that answers beging to come quickly for you. It is just such a heart-breaking process with no flags that say, "Do this and you will have a baby!"

Sorry for hijacking your blog, but I just wanted you to know that a few thousand miles away I am feeling some similar emotions.

I am thinking of you . .

10:02 AM  
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10:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jaime, seding you big cyber hugs. IF sucks, a lot, but it won't suck forever.
I wish I had the ability to make this all turn out differently for you.

Susan

10:17 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Thinking of you, sweetie. Sorry that things are looking down.

11:43 AM  
Anonymous allybaby3 said...

I sent you an email Jamie.

5:09 PM  
Blogger Pusillanimous Wanker said...

I knew you wouldn't kill me, Jamie, but I knew I was treading on dangerous turf. Thank you for your defense . . . one I know just any old stranger would not have received. Even if I don't comment, I read every post. And have ever since the first one I came across.

Thanks for the explanation.

6:44 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

Jamie, I'm sorry if I caused you to be upset in anyway. I have been your online ttc friend for a long time and I was only feeling protective of you. I know how many times you have been attacked and I seeing something that I thought might upset you, did respond in a defensive manner. Once again Pw, I am sorry ( please read my comment on jamies last post)
Anyway, my only concern has ever been that your happy. I will shut up now. Hope your feeling better inside tomorrow and I am sorry it looks like af will arrive. I am still hoping she does not though.
Hugs and love from Lesley

11:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But see, that IS the point PW, she shouldn't have to explain herself, OR her reasons for wanting or not wanting to choose the way to build her family. It should be obvious why this is so upsetting and you advice, no matter how well meaning, should have been said with a much more gentle touch.

3:31 PM  
Blogger Pusillanimous Wanker said...

Perhaps, Anon. I don't do subtle well (see my blog).

8:31 PM  

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