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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

These dreams...

You know how I am trying hard to not obsess about getting pregnant... well my subconscious isn't cooperating.

Despite getting of most meds, acupuncture, reflexology, cupping, and massage... plus being super busy for the last several weeks... pregnancy stuff still manages to creep into my subconscious.

Last night I dreamed that my 67 year old Mom came over and told me that she was pregnant with baby girl... from my dad (they have been divorced for 13 years.) I had 3 reactions...
1. I went into the whole "this proves everyone in the entire world can get pregnant but me!!!"
2. I was happy because this meant that mt Mom and Dad might get back together since my dad was obviously cheating on my stepmonster. (I guess you never really give up the hope that your parents will reconcile.
3. How totally strange it would be to have a baby sister that was 35 years younger... although my Mom didn't tell me this in the dream... I was kind of hoping that she might give me her baby... I mean she knows how much I want one right???

And then I woke up.

Gah... how weird! Dreams like that make me feel like I might be more fucked up in the head than I thought I was.

Even though I am trying to not obsess about baby... my b/f Nicole is due to go into labor any day... Maybe that is why it is on my mind... even when I am not awake.

I have always believed that dreams are us trying to work things out in our minds as we sleep. And I once heard a very interesting theory that we are everyone in our dreams... that there is no other people so.... (deep breath) here goes...

ME = the obvious me... the infertile me.

MOM= the me that thinks by the time I actually get pregnant I will be too old to enjoy being a mom... to tired.. not the young and energetic mom that I have always dreaming of being.

DAD= the absent me... the missing pieces that are just talked about... but not really there.

BABY GIRL = The hopeful me... the part that actually believes that everything will end up perfect and whole.

How is that Dr. Freud?


Blogger Piccinigirl said...

I think you missed your calling. :)
To be honest, I agree with most of that and the other stuff is that while we can hide and hibernate and be "too busy" awake, when we're asleep our minds tell us a different story. I have been dreaming of babies and pregnancies and all kinds of goofy stuff for weeks now and I know it's because we are seeing the RE tomorrow. I know that my mind is running wild at night while I try to sleep.
I just hope that your dreams, the one where you get PG and become a mom really do come true soon. You deserve that kind of happiness.


9:54 AM  
Blogger The Animation Empire said...

Baby wait? That's pretty funny. Great blog!

Check out our Daddy Magic list of blog posts about playing with toddlers:

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hiya! Been waiting for another post - I love your blog. We could be twins from different mothers - our stories are so similiar - though you have the cute pets and killer closet.
Your dreams do mean something, but asking the right questions rather than searching for answers sometimes leads to new discoveries.
I hope that you get prgt soon. I hope that we both do - because when I read your blog, I couldn't say it better myself.

10:38 PM  
Blogger Frenchie said...

I hear you. I have pregnancy realated dreams all the time. Usually, they involve me being pregnant. And, as if waking up from one of those dreams back to the reality of infertility isn't enough, the dream is usually followed within a day or two by a very real pregnancy announcement by a close friend or one of my sisters in law. It's like my subconcious already knows when someone else is pregnant, and is trying to find a good way to tell me, but really F's it up.

6:24 PM  

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