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Thursday, January 31, 2008

cd 1... again

This time my cycle was exactly 28 days.... in fact I was totally surprised this morning when I woke up and had started... I didn't even have the chance to be hopeful this month... which I guess is kind of good.

I have never not posted for and entire cycle... I have thought about posting everyday... but I am finding I have less and less to say. Since I am not doing any treatments I don't have much to talk about. I have seen this happen to many a blogger... it is like they slowly fade away. In fact the first several blogs listed on my blogroll haven't posted in months. But I don't want to be like that... If I end my blog I want to end it... not just string people along. But lately... well for a long time... I have felt like I have very little to say about my own fertility.

I have no plan... There are things rolling around my head... more adoption meetings... a laporoscopy... another IUI... but nothing is jumping out at me as the thing to do. I think it will be adoption... I think I am done with treatment... but I am still sorting it all out on my head and with my husband. I am in the process of giving up a dream and that (for me) is a long and very hard process. I think about it all the time... but it is overwhelming. It is sad. It is frustrating. But this is the road we are on and as soon as we agree on the next step we will take it.

In more postive news... work is fine... Mr. D. is great. Our latest projects have been to renovate our extra bedroom closet to make it kid ready and child friendly and to do the same to the office closet. We did it kind of Cal.ifor.nia Clo.sets style... but we did all the instalation ourselves. We painted the insides of both closets... put up the armior type thing with shelves and drawers... added shelves and racks and wow what a difference... I think we increased the room by about 3 times! Maybe this weekend I will post some pics... if anyone is interested.

OK... that is my update... hope there are still people out there. I will try to do better at posting...


Blogger Fertilize Me said...

Ah post when you want! I think I need you for motivation. We need to clean closets badly. I am sorry for CD1 and the rolling thoughts in your head. I do hope that you and Mr.D talk it through

6:26 AM  
Blogger JJ said...

We're still here=)

Sorry she showed today--and I can relate to those thoughts going on in your head about the next steps.

I'd love to see pics of the renovation!

6:27 AM  
Blogger Heather W. said...

Yep, we're still out here. And ready to stand behind you in whatever decisions you make!

Pics of the closets would be great!

Oh, and we were watching a show of the best Super Bowl commercials, and your DH's made #2!!

6:44 AM  
Blogger LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

It sounds like you are dealing with everything as well as you can and, really, there's no need to rush the next step. You are giving yourself time to grieve, which is crucial.

Sorry that AF showed up again...


7:56 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

Hi Jamie,

Yours was the first blog that I ever read about infertility and I even though I don't comment very often I have really appreciated you sharing your journey. I hope no matter which road you choose to take that it will lead you to happiness.

8:09 AM  
Blogger Hekateris said...

I'm here too!

9:09 AM  
Blogger TrophyWife said...

Just wanted to echo another poster, in that yours is the very first fertility-challenged blog I ever read, too. So, I feel like you are a part of my life now (or at least my virtual one, lol). Just a thought . . have you thought of having two blogs? I have one for my everyday life, a sort of "what I am doing, what's up" blog, and then one just devoted to the topic of our adoption quest. Sometimes the adoption stuff make it's way to the personal, but never the reverse. Just a thought.

If you want to check out my adoption quest one and see the difference:

I have been struggling BIG time lately, with what feels like EVERYBODY "moving ahead," which I am sure is something that will resonate with everyone else who is in our uncomfortable shoes.

(Hugs to you)

11:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jamie, you know how long I have been around... I will always come on by to check and see how your going. I went to pregnancy weekly the other day and saw that I have been a member since 2004, that's when we met. It's been a long and frustraiting journey. I wish it was easier than it has been. Move on if and when your ready cos the next step has go to be more positive than doing nothing...
Luv'N'Hugs, Lesley

8:49 PM  
Blogger millie said...

Still here and looking forward to following along with whatever the plan turns out to be.

12:53 PM  
Blogger Frenchie said...

So nice to hear from you. I've been checking in a lot.

I can totally relate to where you are with everything right now. We have been trying for so long...have failed the iui thing...although we adopted our wonderful son, i really, really still wanted to get pregnant, and fulfill that dream. Trying to decide if we want to keep going with more treatment, or give up and start saving for another adoption. It's a really hard dream to let go of, and it doesn't happen just-like-that! Some days it's fine, other days it's just not.

I would love to see the closet pictures! We soooo need to do something like that at our house!

4:25 PM  
Blogger Char said...

This morning I woke up thinking - hey I should check if Babywait has updated her blog - and there you are. I'm so glad I popped by.

I think the hardest part of infertility (ok, maybe not THE HARDEST part, but hard nevertheless) is trying to decide when enough is enough. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. We had stopped treatments for a full year, but I still could not let go of my dream.

So for me right now, it's easier to keep trying than to give up on my dream. At least this time round, I know that I won't be completely shattered if this round of treatments don't work.

I'll still be heartbroken.
But not shattered.

Adoption didn't work for us, because of our country's stupid policies regarding adoption.

Surrogacy didn't work for the same reason.

Having a baby of our own is pretty much our only option right now. So if that doesn't work, well, then, I don't know. Then we've given it our very best. And at least in twenty years time I can look back and think - at least we did everything we could, and not have any regrets.

It's such a hard path you're walking. We're walking, rather. One not of our own choosing.

But I'm also in the place where I have little left to say about it. And so my blog has evolved somewhat. And I'm trying really hard to not think about things too much. Because thinking can wear you out if you let it.

So, anyway, this was a much longer comment than I planned. But then again - nothing we planned really worked out the way we anticipated either! c",)

BTW, lurve the cupboards! Your man is a very handy one!

So glad to find you posted again too. Thinking of you. x

9:58 PM  

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