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Monday, September 20, 2004

Tales from the ledge...

Cd 31... still no AF.

I was an evil bitch from hell today. Ok.. probably no THAT bad, but I felt like I was going to come out of my own skin.

I had horrible nightmares all night... nightmares that involved families that weren't mine.. horrible scary tragedies involving lots of blood... nightmares that sound silly when I think about them now, but that had me so freaked out last night that I had to wake up Mr. D in the middle of the night just to hold me.

Felt awful all morning... just sad and depressed and weepy... basically a mess. My students were doing scenework and were unprepared... duh.. they are high school students... I was really angry at them for not being ready to go... I was not mean... but I was harsh. I knew I had no patience... I TRIED to find the good in their work but it was really hard. EVERYTHING was annoying to me.

Mr. "Good Teacher" who I teach with was great. I announced that I was going to go home for lunch and my conference period because I was so upset and pissy... I seriously felt like I was going to punch or kick or throw something very hard and I needed to get out of there before I went off. I got 1/2 way home and Mr. Good Teacher called on my cel to tell me to take the whole afternoon if I needed it... that he could watch my last class.. and just to come back for rehearsal at 3:45... That was the sweetest thing, it gave me 3 free hours to calm myself down before a LONG 3 hour rehearsal with (again) thoroughly unprepared kids.

Mr. D knew I was on my way home and had made me a great lunch. I ate and watched my guilty pleasure daytime TV favorite (Starting Over) and dozed on the couch. Then... the best part of my day... I decided to go for a pedicure... in the middle of a school day.

I spent $36 on my tootsies today and it was worth every penny. I had a spa pedicure with real lemons, oranges, honey, rose petals, and flowers in the water. I sat in the massage chair and flipped through a magazine at 2:00 on a school day. The pedicure man washed and massaged my feet using the fruit and flowers like a loofa. I got the full treatment.. vitamin foot mask, paraffin, cooling mint gel, and tons of massage. I am primped and polished.. and I have pretty feet. I felt like I was on a cloud when I arrived back a school for rehearsal at 3:30.

I still was hard on the kids at rehearsal... (well... They still were unprepared)... But I told Mr. Good Teacher that he probably saved a kids life today by getting me the hell out of there...

I am spoiled.. I spoil myself...

But hey, 3 hours and $36 to get me off the ledge... That is a bargain.


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