The Reign of the Drama Queen

I tested... BFN (duh...) I have sunk to an all time low... I actually went and bought a test on my lunch and tested in the restroom here at school!!!!!!! How pathetic is THAT! OMG!!!!! I am disgusted with myself!

Here is how this whole obsessive thing went down... This morning was great... I even encouraged my friend Jen not to test today because it was to early for her... (She is like 1 or 2 days behind my cycle)...I was fine... started thinking that my boobs might be slightly sore.... Then I started thinking that if I was pregnant I would need to see a doctor right away to get progesterone and start on heparin... Then I started thinking about how busy I am at work next week and how could I possibly get to the doctor..... Then I started thinking that we have an early release day tomorrow at school because of Homecoming and I could get to the doctor tomorrow afternoon if I needed to.... Then I started to think that I could probably see the doctor tomorrow if I knew that I was pregnant... Then I spent a while thinking about how excited and nervous I would be if I actually took the test and found out I was.... Then I started thinking about how I would tell Mr. D and how I am SURE that this pregnancy would go to term and what great parents we will be and....

So the next thing I know I am starring at a BFN in the girls restroom at school! Seriously... it was really negative... like NO SIGN OF A PINK LINE... this test didn't even have the decency to turn pink an hour later when I re-checked it (YES... I KNOW you are not supposed to re-check them!!!!!!!) This is like the BIGGEST FATTEST NEGATIVE THERE EVER HAS BEEN OR EVER WILL BE!

I do not keep secrets from Mr. D... but I do not think that I can tell him that I am such a pregnancy test whore that I tested in the girl's room at school!!!! This is a new low...

Irony of the day: I probably could have randomly selected a high school girl out of the hallway and had her pee on the stick and got a BFP!!!!

And if I got a BFP can you imagine...
"Mommy where were you when you found out you were pregnant with me?"
ME: "Well honey... I was in the girls restroom at school on my lunch break balancing the test on my lap and trying to see the LINES!!!!!!!!"

Now I am pissed at myself and sad... And I don't even care that I get to ride with my "kids" in the homecoming parade on a fire truck down Main Street today and I get to wear a crown and wave because I am the "Drama Queen". None of that matters because I TOOK A FRIGGING PREGNANCY TEST IN THE GIRLS BATHROOM IN A HIGH SCHOOL AND I AM A 32 YEAR OLD TEACHER!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck.

AND.. what kind of moron tests on day 27 of a 32 day cycle! I didn't even use the morning pee!!!!!

(I will probably test again on Sunday if AF doesn't get here... I have another test...)

I am out of control...