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Wednesday, October 13, 2004


I took two pregnancy tests in about 7 hours.... both BFN... I am on CD23 of 32 and 10dpo.

I took the first at 3 AM... because I woke up and had a terrific NEED to test... after the full 10 minutes there was no line... However at 7 AM when I woke up again there was a light light light shadow-y line... An evap. line (E-V-A-P-O-R-A-T-I-O-N for you newbies) and since I am now using the crack cocaine version of HPT... Dollar General "Baby Tests" I have to put up with these phantom evap. lines and play by the "DO NOT FOR ANY REASON LOOK AT YOUR HPT AFTER THE 10 MINUTE TIME LIMIT" rule. The upside? For the bargain price of $1 per test I can get a BFN every day of the month...

Oh the memories of using the top of the line pregnancy tests that cost $18 for a two pack... but you see... I have slipped... I can't afford the luxury tests anymore. I am forced by my addiction to drive to the grungiest nastiest Dollar Store in the seedy part of town wearing my darkest sunglasses to stay incognito. Lock my doors and run into the crap store hoping and praying that no one questions the purchase I am about to make... a case of home pregnancy tests.

As most crack whores would tell you, the urge to do more can get you. Those evap. lines are dangerous and tricky. So at lunch time after making my "connection" at the Dollar General I ran home to re-test (with 1 PM pee on 10 dpo... yep... I am out of control).

At 10 minutes post pee there was no line... even took it outside to look in the sunlight... BUT at 13 minutes there was a almost invisible shadow that might have been a line... in fact it was so light I was probably imagining it... and since no one was here to verify it... who knows? I am quite sure that I am in the grips of my addiction now and am only seeing what I want to see.... Evaporation lines are the devil and I feel them pulling me into hell by my uterus! And honestly... If I ever did get a BFP from a Dollar General test I would probably have to back it up by testing with a twin pack of EPT because what idiot would trust a $1 pregnancy test anyway??????

So I have 9 more tests in my possession and 9 days until AF is due... Who wants to bet that I run out of tests before I run out of days?

I can't imagine having to go back to my supplier (Dollar General) and buy more HPT's after only a few days... I may have to find another Dollar Store to buy them at so I don't get the old fish-eye from the toothless clerk working there... AND I have to ask for them (they keep them behind the counter... probably because there is an epidemic of $1 pregnancy test misuse and abuse). I actually have to say the words to get them "May I please have 10 $1 pregnancy tests please"? AHHHHHHH the utter shame of this addiction. Do you think there is a 12 step program for this one????

My name is Jamie and I am a pregnancy test whore...


Blogger Kath said...

I think you need to find an online hpt store. Save the shame.

BTW wasnt being facetious when I said pessaries make your period flow like Hoover Dam would if the wall exploded.

7:44 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Hey I am in the same boat. But I bought 20 test on ebay for like $11. You might want to look into it. I have tested twice and I know that even though I should wait I am testing again tomorrow. I wanted to wait for fri but who can wait. Loads and loads of baby dust on you... I hope that we both get to join the june board with Cia and the others from
Good Luck,

9:03 PM  
Blogger Alana said...

First I love your writing. Second I have that addiction too...I ordered about a zillion HPTs online the first year I was trying... burned through all of them... but I have curbed myself recently. Would you believe I no longer even keep track of ovulation? I have no more belief in my body's ability to do naturally what I always thoought it could do, conceive.

Third I love your letter to Oprah and I hope she takes it seriously. You did send it to her, right?

fourth I have that State Farm sponsored Mayo Clinic book too, it is fabulous and enticing but I have carefully put it out of reach.

Wishing you lots of luck and better news soon, so sorry about that BFN although it still is early, right!

10:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My name is Emily and I'm an HPT whore. "Hi Emily,"....:) And just like a junkie who just can't resist, HPT's are verboten in this house. If you saw my last post, you know what I mean ;)


6:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. I was on the TTC board with you and I finally got my bfp. I tested like crazy every month though. Just to let you know no I got a ton of HPT's for cheep. They work too. You should check it out I was doing the same thing with the Dollar Tree here and was embarrassed also. Getting them online will help with that and they come in about a week. So if you ordered some now you would have plenty. Course you won't need any because you are getting a BFP this month!!!!! Good luck I hope you get one early too so you don't have to stress about it anymore!


7:49 AM  
Anonymous shebalips said...

Oh my God! I love your blog!! I feel the same way. I've got to get some control on dollar tree pregnancy test addiction. It's gotten pretty bad. Bravo for being honest - shebalips

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a stuckup bitch...
I can understand being embarrassed to buy 10 pregnancy tests, but who are you to be so stuck up about shopping at the dollar store...and making fun of the clerk.
If you're such a gift from God, why are you spending so little on pregnancy tests in the first place? Did your Daddy decide to stop sending you pregnancy test money? For goodness sake, I hope you're not pregnant. Kids will make the Dollar Store look like the fucking Hilton.

4:33 PM  

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