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Tuesday, October 12, 2004

DEAR OPRAH WINFREY...

OPEN LETTER TO OPRAH... SUGGESTING A SHOW ABOUT MISCARRIAGE

I watched the whole Oprah baby shower show while crying... I would be one of those really round pregnant women if I didn't lose my 2 pregnancies to miscarriage in March 2004 and June 2004. I was 32... healthy, married, ready to have a baby, and pregnant... then BAM.. oops.. not pregnant... twice.

My husband thought I ought to write Oprah to do a show about miscarriage... I think that so many women go through it so alone and feel like it is such a private shame... I would love for Oprah to know that there is a whole "underground" community of us out there on blogs and internet chat rooms and message boards that are having a really tough time with losing our babies before 20 weeks gestation and the lack of understanding and support.

Things I have been told after losing pregnancies at only 7 weeks... "It was God's will", "How could you be attached you were ONLY 7 weeks", "There must have been something wrong with it", "Don't worry you'll be pregnant again in no time"... and my personal favorite... "It wasn't even a BABY yet.. it was just a blob... Get over it!."

If you choose to research this subject please look at the book "MISCARRIAGE: WOMEN SPEAKING FROM THE HEART" ISBN # 0-471-54834-0 It is the ONLY thing that gave me solace when I felt that NO ONE understood me...

Also... Please focus only on miscarriage... many people lump miscarriage in with abortion (we didn't choose to terminate our pregnancies... they were taken from us..) and stillbirth (losing a child after 20 weeks gestation usually gets much more sympathy from friends and family... you were "showing", you lose your baby in a hospital, you can have a funeral, and other people were involved in your excitement and grief...)

Also... we are also lumped in with Infertility... but we actually GET pregnant... we just have issues STAYING pregnant.

Miscarriage is a unspoken taboo... the feeling women deal with after a miscarriage are powerful feelings of guilt, incompetency, helplessness, and shame. And usually you have a miscarriage and are expected to head back to work in just a couple of days. It is probably the worst thing that a women has to face alone... because it seems completely unrecognized by society... and no one "gets it".

Thanks for considering this topic... I would be happy to share my stories with you.
Courtney Cox would be a great guest since she is the only celebrity that I have ever heard talk about the pain of miscarriage in public.

I keep a blog dealing with my miscarriage fears and my obsession with getting pregnant again at www.babywait.blogspot.com

Thanks Oprah Staff!
Jamie

8 Comments:

Blogger Kristin said...

I completely identify with your post. I'll join you in writing to Oprah;) My hubby and I are dealing with secondary infertility and have had 5 losses in 19 months. Its so hard to explain this to someone who has never been through it and it is so nice to find another person who gets it.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

Let's hope Oprah makes an attempt to 'get it.' Hell, we know she can't really get it if she's never had a miscarriage herself but I agree that the time has come to open people's eyes. Miscarriage isn't something to be ashamed of nor should we be expected to just 'get over it.' Not.gonna.happen.

I so avoided the Oprah baby shower show and every commercial advertising it. Too painful...I'm sorry you know these feelings firsthand too. This really sucks, all of it.

6:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen to that. Unfortunately, this kind of pain is too 'real' for t.v. land and so much easier to sweep us under the rug -- that way, if you don't think about it, then it can't possibly happen to you -- you know, a horror so horrible, you can't even fathom it? Yeah, I wish I had that luxury of being able to not think about it too, but I don't because it will be with me for the rest of my life.

xxxxoooo,
Emily
scrambledeggs

9:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe we could all write her and give her a reason to do the show. Maybe she would have us all in the audience and we could meet each other for the first time. A big PW board reunion. I think it is a great show idea. I tried to email Dr. Phil about the same thing after I had my m/c. I wish I had known about PW sooner because I had no support. I asked him how to get over the feeling that the only way to heal was to be pregnant again. I needed a way to cope with the pain. I applaud you for taking the first step.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Kath said...

I agree with Emily. I dont think TV can handle a segment on miscarriage. The chosen audience would be balling thier eyes out (unless they are thier by random chance)and there is just about no happy ending...except to say that life goes on and this is just how 99% of the population view it. Besides how can Oprah come out the other side looking like a miracle worker. If it ever comes up on TC I will know you may have inspired her.

I have a book somewhere that has personal accounts of miscarriage. M. has hidden it from visitor eyes and if I remember the bleedin name I will write a post about it. Maybe its the one you mentioned. Written by an Australian? After my miscarriage I felt so alone, so crippled, and wondered how others were able to continue with life afterward. In the book there was a great story of Hazel Hawke, a former Prime Ministers wife account the miscarriage of her fourth child. After reading that story I felt like she was my best friend.

2:32 AM  
Blogger JJ said...

Because your blog doesn't have trackbacks, I just watned to let you know this post has been included in the latest edition of The Sunday Post.

http://www.jellybelly-jj.com/archives/2004/10/24/the-sunday-post-vol-i-iss-viii-double-edition/

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Let's hope Oprah makes an attempt to 'get it.' Hell, we know she can't really get it if she's never had a miscarriage herself"
accually Oprah did have a miscarriage. or in her case it was a still born. at the age of 14 she gave birth to a boy who was born premature. so before you say things like that try to know the facts first. ok? misscarriages are so hard to deal with but imagine seeing the baby and knowing that you will never be able to care for it. so i think she knows what you are going through and i think she will 'get it'

10:13 PM  
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