Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Monday, October 11, 2004

Can I live FEARLESSLY?

I am reading a great book to help myself work out some of my feeling about my miscarriages, pregnancy, and myself. It is called FEARLESS LIVING by Rhonda Britten. it is all about recognizing core negative feelingfs about yourself that cause you to go in to a wheel (cycle) of fear...I have only read the first three chapters but I have found a lot of truths in the book. In fact my whole menstrual/ un-pregnancy cycle is my own little wheel of fear...

First a trigger... FEELING INCOMPETENT about pregnancy, about my career, about my home, ... basically about everything in my life...

Fear response - blaming myself or others, taking everything personally, negative attitude, workaholism, perfectionism, putting other people down, pretending, headaches, being manipulative....

Negative Feelings - FEELING LIKE A FAILURE

Self destructive Behavior - - isolate from friends and family, crying, negative self talk, staying on the internet, pretending, watching TV instead of being productive, overeating...

Then comes the next trigger... thus the "wheel" of fear.

I KNOW I AM ON THE WHEEL OF FEAR WHEN I START FEELING...

IMPATIENT - with AF, with doctors,, with Mr. D, with family...

EXHAUSTED - I feel this way all the time....

SELF RIGHTEOUS - "They" all suck.. "they" are all out to get me... it is a big conspiracy.... unappreciated...

MISUNDERSTOOD - "I didn't mean it like THAT..."

PARANOID - I think people get pregnant just to spite me... everyone is out to get me...

PARALYZED- Can't move forward... nothing but fear motivates me...

SHAME - I feel guilty about the loss of my pregnancies... what could I have done???

DEFEATED - "I am never going to get pregnant again and IF I did it would probably end in another miscarriage."

OUT OF CONTROL - Surfing the internet when I should be working....letting things "go"instead of being responsible... Feel like I can't control my own actions...

CONFUSED - Not sure whether or not to TTC... Not sure about anything... including my own feelings...

OVERWHELMED - Feeling desperate... don't know what to do next... Afraid that IF I did get pregnant I would be a horrible mother.... Why to other people seem to "have it all together" and I don't?

VICTIMIZED - Why is this happening to ME??? I feel victimized by the fact that I have lost 2 pregnancies... and that I am not pregnant now....

OK... self discovery is hard... I am going to work on me no matter what it takes.
If this sounds familiar to you then get the book.... I am really enjoying it.

FEARLESS LIVING by Rhonda Britten

...I would love to discuss with anyone who is reading the book or who feels like me.






5 Comments:

Blogger Kath said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:01 AM  
Blogger Kath said...

Sorry that was really badly written.

5:03 AM  
Blogger Chelsea said...

I've read "Fearless Living" and I love love love Rhonda Britten! That book helped me learn so many things about myself that I never knew before. Do you watch "Starting Over"?

11:18 AM  
Anonymous JC said...

I am a fan of SO and Rhonda. I have a site dedicated to RB at:
http://www.angelfire.com/planet/rhondabritten

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

rhondabritten

the link got cut off somehow.

10:34 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Daisypath Wedding tickers

Click Here