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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

THIS IS MY EMAIL TO D.B.
I HOPE THAT THIS WILL END THIS RECENT EMAIL RELATIONSHIP...

Hi D.B.,

Your family is beautiful. The daughter standing over your wife is like seeing a picture of Lisa when she was young! You are so fortunate to have such a happy and healthy family... if there is anything I can remind you of it is that there are people out there (like me) who pray every single day to have a family... Look at yours... they are perfect.

OK… (down to brass tacks...) I am sorry that your memory is still suffering from your accident. I can only imagine how hard that would be. I want to help you remember so that you can "close the book" on our little high school fling forever. Obviously we have both moved on so I do feel a bit uncomfortable digging up these ghosts, but you asked so I will... and then you and I will say our goodbyes and go back to our real lives.

There are two things that may be bothering you inside.
#1 - Our break up and
#2 - A phone call we had in 1990.

The break-up - You basically broke-up with me because I wasn't ready to have an adult relationship with you. It was a relationship filled with pressure about sex. I was 16... and you were probably 19 or 20... so now, I can understand how you would be ready for a sexual relationship and I wasn't. I was heartbroken... I thought I would never get over it.... but as all 16 year old girls do... I healed. That break up taught me so much about myself. I should thank you because in a small way that break up began to mold me into the adult woman that I am today. You are right... I was strong willed then and "I haven't changed a bit". You don't owe me an apology for that. we were stupid kids... that is what kids do... (Get ready for 2 teenage daughters... ouch!... karma)

OK... Now the more serious thing... The phone call from you in 1990-ish to tell me that you were getting married. In this call we flirted a lot... (I am not proud of that) But you asked me if I would come to California (you offer to by the ticket) for one last "fling" before your wedding. I was 19 now and had lost my virginity and I think that that intrigued you. We always had great "chemistry" and I was flattered and wished that I could see you again... I still felt the rejection from years before. Of course, the "fling" never happened but it always bothered me because of the "indecent proposal" that was put out there by you only months before your wedding. That was the last time I ever spoke to you.

This incident again helped make me the woman I am... I am loyal and faithful. When I was 23 my ex-husband cheated on me. At this time I thought a lot about you and our last phone conversation. I suddenly knew how it felt to be the wife. To have a husband making secret phone calls and being dishonest with me. I knew how it was first hand to have a 19 year old "bombshell" flirting with and (in my case) sleeping with my husband. My first marriage ended in disaster. I hope that you never acted on your impulse to have a "fling" before or during your marriage... but thankfully, if you did, I was not part of it.

So that is it. I hope that this helps you remember. I hope that you are honest with your lovely wife and that she knows about me and the recent contact we have had. I want you to be happy and I want to believe that you are. I know that Mr. D. and I have a great relationship and that I can share anything with him... including all of our emails and this story from my past. I really hope that you have that with your wife.

I am happy that you contacted me and hope that the opportunity to hear the truth from me frees you up from the "need to apologize" to me. That was a long time ago and we have both moved on.

Jamie

...DO YOU THINK THIS SENDS THE MESSAGE?

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi my name is Ana and I use to know you from PW's January 05 board. I was snooping around other boards and came across ATTC board and saw your name. I remembered you becuz I remember when you miscarried. I followed you on the miscarriage board to see how you were doing becuz thru your posts I felt your distress, agony, pain and disbelief and I knew your heart was broken. My heart went out to you.....I have lost babies myself and though I cant fit your shoes completely I know how your shoes feel. I did go back after another girl lost her baby and saw your post and read the reason why you had lost your babies, I always wanted to tell you how sympathetic I was but never really felt comfortable posting on the miscarriage or ATTC board due to feelings I didnt want to step on anyones toes.
But anyways I came across your blog addy and came on, I love that you are doing this I write in journals all the time. not as much as I use to, but I have 100's and 100's of journals that I have expressed my lifes pain and misery throughout my years and found it very therapeutic. I am glad to see that you and your husband are TTC again, I wish you lots of luck I wish I could say something to you that can help you not only concieve but feel better about this whole situation.
Anyway, I will probably be back again in the future to see how your life has turned out and if you have concieved.
God bless you and your hubby and lots of baby dust your way...

Ana

I hope you dont feel like I am a prego woman invading you space and rubbing anything in cuz its not like that I honestly do remember you from the January board and wanted to see how you were.../

10:19 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

I think that was a really good e-mail that you sent out. What accident did he have? Was that a blog that I had missed. I hope that this does end this little e-mail think I can tell it is making you uncomfortable. It had to be a nice release from ttc for a few days. I hope to hear from you soon. Keep writing.. Loads and loads of baby dust on you!
Jenna

10:48 AM  
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