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Saturday, November 26, 2005


CD 11 - still getting LOWS on the monitor...

I have had a wonderful week home with Mr. D... We have spent our time decorating for the holidays and lounging around... On Thanksgiving morning my brother came over at 9 AM and we all watched the parade and I made breakfast..

The three of us spent Thanksgiving afternoon at the beautiful Gaylord Texan hotel buffet... it was peaceful.. I miss big family gatherings... no... let's say I miss my childhood big family gatherings... they wouldn't be the same now.. too many things have changed. Tomorrow I will have "Thanksgiving" with my Dad and his wife... Can you believe that my parents have been divorced 11 years and I still wish they were together? I just miss a "regular" family that did things on the actual holiday not on the weekend after... Oh well.. things change...

So.. yes I have been thankful this week... but just not feeling very talkative... So many good things happened this week... Mr. D. and I spent a lot of time together. And that is what makes me the most happy. So why do I feel so blah now? Is it anticipation of school on Monday? Or seeing step-mom tomorrow? I don't know. I just feel very disassociated with everything.. a little numb to my feelings... I think I am slipping into to the "it-is the-holidays-again-and-I-still don't-have-a-baby-and-oh-my-god-I-am-34-is-this-ever-going-to-happen-for-me" blues. I REALLY want to enjoy these holidays... I really don't want to feel sad and depressed all season... and I don't. I just feel numb.

I promise to be back next week with more cheerful stories... I really am feeling OK... (just a little blah...) but this post seems so melancholy... hmmm... nothing is wrong... I just feel... stuck.


Anonymous Tracy said...

I'm de-lurking to say I hope you feel better and I can totally relate to the holiday baby blues. I am a huge Christmas freak and just couldn't bring myself to celebrate the last 2 years because we didn't have a baby (and today is my 36th I have 2 years on you:)

I truly hope this is your last Christmas without a baby or pregnancy. Happy holidays.

bringing Amelia Rae home from China Dec. 22, 05

7:45 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Thanks for posting! I was wondering about how your holiday was...

The holidays are tough, but one of the ways I do get through it is to decorate. Decorate shamelessly. To make people think, "it is such a SHAME they do not have kids, because she is so fu**ing crafty." It makes me feel better. Here's to a high coming up soon.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Sami said...

I'm sorry to hear of the "stuck" feeling, even though I can relate it is not a fun feeling at all.

This year my husband has put up the decorations for me as I just sat at them and stared rather than actually put them up. While I do feel better seeing the tree up, seeing the relatives is tough...

So my wish for you and me is... I sincerely hope this is the last holiday season that you don't have a baby or pregnancy... lets toast to that...

Happy Holidays,

2:41 AM  
Anonymous thalia said...

The holidays are just hard. Don't give yourself a hard time about it. I hope the session with your dad and step mum was ok.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Lesley said...

Hugs Jamie..... I hope you get your Christmas wish and that your family gathering was a really happy one... Take care Jamie..
Love Lesley

7:12 PM  
Blogger Chas said...

I am glad that you had such a wonderful time with Mr. D. over the holiday.

I hope all went Ok with your dad and step mom.

I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. Take care!

8:17 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

(((Hugs))) I understand. I hope you get to enjoy your holidays at least a little. I know that having at least one other person in my boat (my husband) at least gives me some company, and lightens things a lot. It sucks having to leave the room everytime someone starts talking about the pregnancies in the family. It really bores a hole into your heart.

8:47 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

I hope you are feeling a little better today!

Love ya!


3:18 PM  

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