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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

40 days.

Two weeks ago I wore my white pants to work in hope of bring on my period... nothing.

Today I wore them again... nothing.

It has been 40 days since the "sludge".

Yesterday I took an hpt and got the normal "not pregnant".

Today there is a full moon... maybe it will pull my period out of me.

Last night when Mr. D came home from rehearsal at 11:30 pm I started crying and crying because of my body and how yucky and disgusting and fat I feel.

I weigh 155.5 pounds in the morning... naked... before food.

7 of those pounds wasn't there 40 days ago.

I am depressed.

Mr. D. wants me to stop using fertility meds because of how horrible they make me feel.

I don't know what to do...

What do I do?

13 Comments:

Anonymous Alisa said...

I'd call the doc and see what they can give you to get your body jumpstarted again. Then you can start thinking about where to go from here. Maybe your body needs a reset button pushed or something...

Oh - and stop wearing those white pants - very few people feel good about themselves in white pants ;)

-Alisa-

6:57 PM  
Blogger Ollie said...

I would say that you need to do what makes you happy. But we all know what a loaded statement that is. Maybe Alisa is right--maybe the doctor can give you something to jump start your cycle.

Other than that, I'm sorry you're in this. I hope it gets better soon.

7:22 PM  
Anonymous Tracy said...

I too agree you should go to the doctor and have the injection they want you to have. You aren't going to get pregnant without starting your period and it looks like you aren't going to start it anytime soon without some extra help.

Good luck!

Tracy

8:35 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

I can't imagine how frustrating this is for you. It is frustrating when your body can't even get a simple thing like starting your period right. It sucks, and it's not fair.

I don't want to jump on the band wagon because I know you don't want to hear, call the doctor, I know that is something you really don't want to do, but I hope that you are able to find strength and call the doctor to see what they say, to see what they can do to get your period started.. I know that this just sucks and is very crappy... but after waiting this long, I know you don't want to wait any longer.
As far as fertility drugs go, it is a very personal decision that you and D will have to decide together. It is a very soul searching decision, if you decide not to continue, will you keep trying naturally or what other options are you wanting to do.
I know that you know all of this already.. keep us informed, and I am praying that something happens soon.

5:59 AM  
Blogger DD said...

I know that your current office hasn't been as "proactive" as you would have hoped with this cycle, so I understand your hesitation. I would give them one more chance, but if they tell you to wait "one more day" or "call on Monday", I'd be taking my business to a different clinic...if that's possible.

6:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been using the med to "jump start" my cycle for seven months now and they make me crazy but now I have stopped and nothing is happening - I have an appointment on the 18th with the infertility doctor so now it is more wait and wait!! You should do what feels right, talk to your doctor but remember you are the most important person right now!!!!!!

6:13 AM  
Anonymous Julie, Baltimore said...

Jamie,

I think you should keep doing whatever brings you close to the baby- DO NOT GIVE UP! Sometimes you have to go through hell, sometimes you have to push yourself. The last 2 min of the game are just as important as the whole game- cannot give up. If you want to have a baby, and if you way to get there is to take drugs, and use medical help you will only be fooling yourself and loosing time by trying to do it naturally. Seeks alternatives- different Dr office, different drug, but don't stop.
I am sorry if I don't sound as nice and considerate as other ladies. I am normally brutally honest with myself, and others too- see my reply to your previous post.
As always, best wishes.

YOU WILL HAVE BABY ONE DAY.

Sincerely,

Julie

6:44 AM  
Blogger Deana said...

It is so hard to know, my body gets all messed up too, so I totally know the frustration. If you don't want a shot, one thing that has never failed to bring on a period is one cycle of birth control. I have had to do that several times in fertility treatment and I don't think the symptoms are nearly as bad as the Provera side effects, thats a thing to consider instead of a shot.
I am sorry it is taking so long, what I tell myself is when it all works this will fade away and everything you went through will be worth it.

6:48 AM  
Blogger Hoping said...

so sorry jamie I am sure you are feeling so crappy -- I agree with the others that you need to demand better care from your doc and that you are the most important person in the relationship -- follow your instintcs.

6:59 AM  
Blogger Chas said...

I'm so sorry Jamie. None of us can tell you what to do....as we have discussed before, you have to do what you feel is right.

I agree with everyone else...call the doc. I know that Provera didn't do squat for you last time and I know that you don't really want to add more hormones and meds to the mix...but you should at least call and let them know that this is S.T.I.L.L. going on.

I'm thinking about ya. If there is anything I can do, let me know.

8:17 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Jamie, you need your E2 and your progesterone levels checked. It may be that your levels were too low, even after the Provera to induce a bleed. I know it totally sucks when your body refuses to do the right thing. So it is either keep playing wait and see now your body may be stuck in an anovulatory cycle or check it out with the doc.

8:22 AM  
Anonymous Kori said...

Stopping the drugs is a very big decision. It so hard for your husband to see you suffer, and that is why he wants you to stop. I have been through this with my DH too - whenever I get super upset over TTC, he suggests we quit trying, as if we could just stop and "go back to normal". He doesn't understand that the cure isn't to quit, but to have a baby. If your DH is anything like mine (BTW mine is also a theater actor and I am a teacher) he just wants to fix the immediate problem, which he sees as the drugs. This is such a tough place to be in. You will be in my thoughts.

4:32 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

Hey girl,

I just wanted to put in my two cents...

I think you should DEFINATELY call the doc and get that period started. That is the first step. After that you can decide what to do from here. Will you be able to move on with your life and not ever look back and say "what if I had only done one more round of drugs?" or "what if I had just done one IUI?". As soon as that period gets started you may feel (like some one else said) you've hit the reset button. The Clomid Challenge may tell you everything you need to know to put you on the right track. Ultimately, it is your decision and we are here to support you any way you chose!!

5:33 AM  

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