Remember When?

Remember When...
My Ode to 4+ years of Infertility.

Remember when you though people who couldn't have babies were sad, old, bitter women who probably really didn't want kids...

Remember when you sighed in relief to find out that you weren't pregnant?

Remember all the sex you didn't have because accidentally getting pregnant was the biggest fear you had?

Remember when the thing you worried most about pregnancy was getting fat?

Remember when you REALLY wanted a girl... but weren't so sure about a boy?

Remember when the condom broke and you went to Planned Parenthood for a triple dose of bc pills because no way could you get pregnant with that guy!

Remember when you judged women in their 20's who had babies for having kids to soon and blowing off their education?

Remember all the thought you put into to which month you would begin trying to get pregnant so it would perfectly compliment your work schedule, or a vacation, or swimsuit season?

Remember being totally freaked out the first time you had sex without birth control because you we so sure you would immediately fall pregnant.

Remember the list of baby names you used to keep in a drawer?

Remember when you actually said to an infertile "why don't you just adopt?"

Remember when you could walk by a chic maternity store and not even notice it?

Remember when you has sex because you wanted to?

Remember having an extensive exam at age 29 including an hsg and being told "all clear" looks great!

Remember when you thought getting pregnant = having a baby.

Remember when they told you that bleeding is normal in early pregnancy... and you believed them?

Remember when a miscarriage was something that happened to women in romance novels and tv movies of the week?

Remember crying outside in the hammock so that your husband wouldn't see you crying... again.

Remember when you felt joy at 2 pink lines and not fear?

Remember when you bought maternity clothes at 3 weeks pregnant?

Remember when you thought that a zygote was not "really" a baby?

Remember when you didn't know at exactly what day there is supposed to be a beating heart?

Remember when your divorce was the worst thing that you had ever been through?

Remember when you didn't feel like you were "infertile"... that you just had a little bad luck?

Remember opk's?

Remember the first baby shower you didn't go to?

Remember when you first joined a board for support?

Remember when you though it was impossible for you to have 2 miscarriages?

Remember posting "I'm pregnant and thing aren't looking good.."

Remember the vacation that you spent waiting to miscarry?

Remember when you saw pink on the tissue paper and this time knew exactly what that meant?

Remember taking hpt's to watch the 2nd pink line fade away?

Remember packing up the pregnancy magazines and books... for the 2nd time?

Remember when you were the only non-pregnant woman left on the board?

Remember when every month you thought you were pregnant and having symptoms?

Remember temping?????

Remember starting to blog just to get it out... and secretly feeling that this wasn't an infertility blog... it was the beginning of a baby book?

Remember taking 6 or 7 pregnancy tests in a week... waiting for 2 lines?

Remember when more experienced infertiles told you to get off the boards?

Remember when all you thought you needed was a good $200 fertility monitor and a kind (pregnant) friend sent you hers?

Remember when everyone around you would ask "Hey... when are you gonna have kids?"

Remember when someone said to you for the first time "Just relax".

Remember when you didn't automatically remove your pants upon entering a doctors office?

Remember when you didn't know that insurance in Texas sucks and most (including yours) offers no help with infertility?

Remember when all you thought you needed was a vacation?

Remember when you changed your blog because all the bloggers (except you) were now pregnant or moms?

Remember when you first said the word "adoption" out loud?

Remember when you didn't even notice pregnant women or new moms?

Remember when the words "I'm pregnant" from a co-worker or friend didn't send you into a tailspin?

Remember when you were all in the same boat and now you are still in the boat and they are planning birthday parties?

Remember when you thought that clomid was a miracle drug?

Remember when you though doctors knew what they were talking about?

Remember when someone told you to "just adopt"?

Remember feeling like women who were "taking a break" were really giving up?

Remember when you stopped taking pregnancy tests?

Remember when someone told you to "just relax" and you went off on them for 45 minutes about the insensitivity of their assvice?

Remember when you actually used the sticky icky yellow progesterone supplements instead of just letting them rot in the drawer...

Remember when you used to ask your husband "does this top make me look fat?" instead of "Does this top make me look pregnant?... because someone asking if you are finally pregnant when you are infertile is the worst... and basically it still means you look fat.

Remember being angry at your prenatal vitamins and breaking up with them?

Remember when you allowed yourself to feel hopeful?

Remember when everyone you know didn't know you as infertile?

Remember when people didn't walk on eggshells around you and whisper things like "any news"? and "how arrrrre you" while glancing at your empty belly ?"

Remember when you made a plan?

Remember when you made plan B and plan C?

Remember when you ran out of plans?

Remember when you cared?

Remember when you felt the sting and not just numb?

Remember when you were just Jamie and not infertile?