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Saturday, September 25, 2004

Overcast with a chance of showers...

Why do I feel so sad today?
(self analysis)

1. I didn't sleep well at all... full of worry and doubt.

2. It is Saturday and I will spend 12 hours (10-10) up at the school getting other people's teenage kids ready for our school musical.

3. It is overcast with a chance of showers outside.. just like I feel inside.

4. I feel so fat... and yet ate a huge Mexican dinner last night... I have gained 10 pounds since my wedding and I weigh in at 153.

5. I am tired... like really tired... like want to shut down tired...

6. My online friends Jen and ErinD are both "off the boards" because they are putting TTC on hold... They are both feeling a lot like I am except... I don't want to put TTC on hold (I did that through my 20's and I hear the clock ticking to much).

7. Mr. D. has shows all weekend so I won't see him much at all.. (probably good news for him since I am in such a great mood).

8. The next Saturday that I won't have a 12 hour work day is after the musical on October 23.

9. Nic is moving away to London in 2 weeks... and she is pregnant.

10. The way I physically feel is nauseous and sinus headache-y... yet I KNOW I am not pregnant so I might be getting a cold... depressing....

11. I want t be supportive and encouraging to the kids today in their rehearsal... but I KNOW that is going to be a major struggle for me... because I feel sad and angry and frustrated and hopeless about most everything.

12 - 20. I am not pregnant.


Blogger Jenna said...

I am sorry for what you are going through. I agree with you about not giving up. I think about giving up sometimes to, I have even tried it in the past, but I know that the desire for a baby is so great that I can't give up yet. I know that for you too. I know that it is hard right now. (really, really, really hard) With your best friends being pg, having to spend so much time at the school, and just life. But I pray for you that you will get through it and things will get better. I really hope that this month is the month for you. I know that it will happen soon for you. Don't give up. If there is anything that I can do to help you let me know.

1:53 PM  

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