30 days and counting....dream update at the bottom

Cd 30...
I have no more symptoms... PELVIC TWINGES - gone... BOOBS - normal... PEE- normal... DISPOSITION - bitchy (aka normal)... HOPE - waning.

Have I told you that I have quit pregnancy tests? Well I think I have. I hate them and I never plan to see another single line on one of those muther-effers again. So... my main problem with striking against pregnancy tests is that I have no clue when to stop the progesterone supplements. The past few months I have just been using them until I start AF. It does make my cycle longer but I don't know what else to do considering my strike on pregnancy tests.

My longest cycle ever was 36 days. I think if I ever go past a 45 day cycle I will call my doctor and get a blood test... but that is a problem too... because I am also on strike against nurses who call 5 minutes before they leave for the day and leave you a message to call back tomorrow forgetting to leave you the only news you actually NEED to know... only to find out the next day (after you stayed awake all flipping night wondering) that your hcg is <2.

I also may be on strike against hcg numbers in general. These numbers have only brought me heartache in the past and I don't know if I ever want to know that they are "non-doubling" again. I mean... what bother knowing? If you are going to m/c it is going to happen whether you know the numbers or not. I guess I will wait until I am pregnant again to decide this one... but since it has been almost 2 years since my last m/c... blah blah blah...

I am so frustrated... I am tired of my own story.

Update... My Recurring Dream...
After writing this entry I went to bed and had a dream that I now realize is a recurring dream that I often have. I go to my favorite clothing store to shop and the doors are unlocked but the store has no customers and the lights are all off. There are so many beautiful outfits all around. I see a salesgirl and ask what is going on. She tells me that they are not open today because they have no bags to put the clothes in. I go behind the counter and there are tons of bags... but they have the wrong store name on them and the salesgirl explains again that they can not sell any clothes because they can't put them in the wrong bag.

hmm...
Store is open but they can't sell the product...
Beautiful product all around... but none for me...
Nothing to carry the product in...
The bags are wrong they have won't work to carry the product...

Add to that that I have read the dream analysis theory that your dreams are all about you and not really about other people and that all the people or objects in the dream represent parts of you...

~Am I Jamie in the dream... confused and frustrated that I can't have what I want?
~Am I the salesgirl... negative and sure that it is impossible to sell the clothes unless we have the "right" bag to carry them in? ~Am I the "wrong" bag? I look fine on the outside but there is something "wrong" with me and I can't carry the product? My guess is that I am all of the above...