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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Simple Math

This is how my sick little mind works...

Today... as if I haven't been feeling down enough... I decided to skip on over to my favorite pregnancy calculator and find my EDD in the case this is the month that I actually ovulate, get pregnant on or around December 5th, carry the baby longer than 7 weeks, and actually carry the baby full term. Like I said... I guess I wasn't feeling unpregnant enough today...
(I ask yet again... WTF is wrong with me???)

I typed in the information...
last menstrual cycle - November 23
Average cycle length - (who knows???... somewhere between 28-35) I typed 32
Possible conception date - December 5th
EDD - August 30, 2005

But here is the part that FREAKED ME OUT.... at the bottom of the page it said... "Congratulations... you are 1 week pregnant".

Imagine that! Due to the totally screwed-up-ness of medical science I am 1 week pregnant! There is no egg... no sperm... but somehow this OB/GYN pregnancy tracker program has the knowledge that I am already 1 week pregnant. And they were nice enough to congratulate me on it.

This two weeks of pre-conception pregnancy got me thinking...

I have realized today that women are considered in a perpetual state of pregnancy according to this pregnancy standard. This is kind of a bonus plan when you are actually know... post conception pregnant. Even the BEST home pregnancy testers are technically 3-4 weeks pregnant by the time they pee on the stick thanks to these mysterious 2 weeks of "pre-pregnancy" pregnancy.

I started doing the fuzzy math and suddenly realized.... that according to this theory I have been "technically" pregnant over 250 times!!!!

This started me thinking: I wonder how many times have I been NOT pregnant in my lifetime? At this point... I pulled out the calculater and started multipling.....

I got my first AF at the ripe old age of 11... Take the 22 years since and multiply by 12 cycles a year and I have had AF approximately 264 times in my life.

That is 264 BFN's...

From the ages of 11- 19 I wasn't sexually active so that makes it more like 160 BFN's..

I was on birth control from 19-25... so that is 88 BFN's

I wasn't married or "ready" from ages 25-30... so that is 36 BFN's

So really I have had 36 BFN's in the past 3 years of TTC...

Wait... make that 32 BFN's... I have had 2 BFP's and a whooping 14 cumulative pregnant weeks... but those didn't work out so well...

So... 32 BFN's... 32 months of TTC and nothing yet...

I don't exactly know what to do with this new found "perpetually pregnant" theory... In a way it makes me sort of hopeful...just thinking of the possibility... like somehow cosmically everything will be ok because science already sees me as pregnant...

So tonight.. I will pretend that I have that hope and assurance that everything will be ok... I will take the online pregnancy calculator as a sign from above (in a weird Magic-8-Ball kind of way)... tonight I will dream of big ripe tall flowery follicles... perfectly timing the big "O" this month, and an incredibly healthy egg planting right smack in my puffy pink cotton candy uterus.... soaring progesterone and hcg levels... nausea... and finally a nice dark second line on an HPT just in time for Christmas...

One week from the day I see that line... contrary to medical science... is the date that I will allow myself to be 1 week pregnant.

Told you I had a sick little mind...


Blogger Erin said...

Please, I figured out me edd every month. Fertility Friend even does it for you if you're a "VIP" member. Finally, a web-site that already knows how we think.

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi there,
My name is Darla Atlas and I'm a reporter working on a story for a national magazine. (I'm based in Texas, which is one of the reasons I'm contacting you.) I've read some of your blog, and I'm hoping for the best for you and your husband.
The story we're working on is about fertility scams: couples who have been tricked by clinics or doctors into undergoing certain treatments that turn out to be done solely for the money. I don't know if this applies to you at all, but I thought I'd check to see if you've at least heard from anyone who has gone through such a situation and would be willing to talk about it.
I can be reached at if you want to know more about the story, the name of the magazine, etc. Thanks for your time.

1:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't add two plus two, but I sure know how many BFN's it's been to the nth power. This sucks, I hate IF. I had to stop with Fertility Friend because I was going to go postal if I saw one more chipper, "If you conceived, your due date would be...good luck."


4:25 PM  

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