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Saturday, February 26, 2005

cd 32...

Do they even MAKE home pregnancy tests that have two freaking lines???? I am pretty sure after 9 months of TTC and using probably 5-10 HPT's a month... THAT IT IS A HUGE SCAM.

cd 32... final BFN of the month.

I will now be 34 before I have a chance of having my first baby. My mom had me at 32 and I always secretly wished for a young pretty mom instead of a mom that was "so much older" that everyone else's. I love my Mom.. she was a perfect mom... but I just always felt that she was old... Is that how my imaginary kid will secretly feel about me? The tears and the monthly meltdown are coming folks... I sit her and I can feel my eyes welling up and my throat tightening... If I don't stop typing I am going to lose it.

In 2 1/2 hours I will be at an audition that I am not prepared for auditioning for a part that I am not right for.... with some big shot NYC casting director... I have to pull myself together and not think about the single pink line right now...

... but the meltdown is coming girls... I can feel it.

8 Comments:

Blogger Jenna said...

I don't think those things have two lines anymore. I think it is all a ploy to get us to buy more. Why else would we be getting all of these BFN when we know we must be pg.
Jamie,
I am so sorry. I hate this whole ttc thing. If I could I would bring you over ben and jerrys and a big bottle of wiskey and 7 up. I know neither one of us would drink for the little hope that we have.
Break a leg at the audition. You are in my thoughts. Let us know how it goes. I know you don't feel prepared and are on the edge of breaking down but I know that you can pull it together because you are strong. I hope you are awesome. Break a Leg!!!
jenna

5:34 AM  
Blogger Rosanne said...

Jamie,

So sorry about the BFN this cycle. To make you feel better, my mom had me when she was 42. She had a full head of gray hair and when she, my sister (who's 12 years older than me) and I would go out, they used to think my mom was my grandma and my sister was my mom. Now that's old. 34, that's not so bad.

Break a leg today!

Rosanne

7:59 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

Jaime,

I am so sorry, dear. I started spotting today, so I know how it goes. Tomorrow will be cd 1. Again.

I was thinking today, not so much about the age thing, but that if I (we) don't get pregnant in March, then our child will not be born in 2005. That is what is making me sad.

If there is anything I could do to assist you in making your monthly meltdown less painful (Want to melt down with me?) then let me know.

Maybe the new doc will have some answers . . .

Hugs,
Sara

8:23 AM  
Blogger E. said...

I think those double-line OPKs are an urban legend. I'm so sorry you're going through this -- BFNs and meltdowns completely suck. I hope at least your audition goes well.

8:48 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I'm so sorry, honey. That just sucks.

Break many legs tonight at your audition--thinking of you.

8:53 AM  
Blogger Bugsy said...

I'm sorry hun. My friends tell me that you have to get the packet at the back of the shelf- apparently that is where the BFPs are hidden. I hate the way this ttcing takes over our whole lives - it is just so all encompassing. Good luck today. Maybe they are looking for someone distracted and with an underlying sadness - and you might be PERFECT!

3:25 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

Jamie... Next month we make a pact not to evern pick up a hpt unless we are a week late!... I am hoping you are very right for this part and your audition goes wonderfully.. I know what you mean about pretending/acting happy for people when inside you want to die.. I did not work yesterday for that reason. I can't smile for the camera's when I feel so bad inside..
I wish I could give you a big hug...
Love Lesley

5:10 PM  
Blogger Kath said...

Sorry Jamie.

On the bright side, you will have a good material to show "misery" if your director wants to cast a angry bitter bitch, with a deep sensitive side.
Good luck and see you next cycle.

8:17 PM  

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