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Thursday, May 04, 2006

Dr. visit..

Good News - I am ovulating... at least this cycle. I have a 18mm follicle that my Dr. said could go anytime... So Mr. D. and I better get crackin... I am not using the monitor this month (I thought I would wait to spend another $50 for sticks after I knew what was happening. No signs of cysts. Yay!

Bad News - My Dr. strongly suggested that I do a laperoscopy before we try the IUI's. I am scared and really didn't want to have a surgery... even a small one. Mr. D. doesn't seem thrilled about me having the lap either (he is scared too)... and that makes it even harder on me because I feel like I am considering doing something that he is not 100% behind. We know the main part of my tubes are clear... At least they were 3 years ago when I had the HSG... but he told me that the little hair-like ends that actually pick up the egg may have endo (or scar tissue from years ago when I had pelvic inflamatory disease from a lovely case of chlamydia from my cheating ex) and if they did have endo or scar tissue the HSG would not show it only an exploratory lap will let us know for sure. The nurse told me the out of pocket cost would most like be $1000 (after my deductible and my 20%...) and that just sucks too. I cried on the way back to work... I hate feeling like I am making these decisions alone... even though it is my body. I feel like I have been putting this off for two years and that it is obviously the next step... but I am just really afraid. After the lap he would like to move on to injectables and IUI's... I am also afraid of the injectables... but I am going to be 35 in 6 months and that ticking clock is really freaking me out... 35 the "magic" age that they tell you increases so many chances of problematic pregnancies... "advanced maternal age". fuck.

Maybe I will get pregnant this month and not ever have to think about all this again... if not... I will probably... possibly... maybe... call in 2 weeks to schedule my lap.

I am still processing all of this. Any advice?

19 Comments:

Blogger Krista said...

Jamie I am delurking to weigh in with my two cents worth. I think you should do the lap. I was also afraid, so afraid that I decided not to do it. A decision my doctor supported since I was going to do in vitro anyway. But now, 3 years, 6 IUI's, 1 IVF and 1 FET later, with no explanation as to why nothing works, I really wish I knew what the hell is going on in their.

7:59 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

I think you should do the lap. I've always thought about having one done, but our primary issue has been touted as being sperm related. A few girls that I know in bulletin board land, have had Laps in the past few months and they discovered they had endo and never knew they had it. There have also been some women that have had good luck right after laps.

I don't know. It's tough. You just have to do what is right for you. You need to weigh how far you want to go and how fast you want to get there. Best of luck on this cycle!

8:48 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

Hey, you know I am a chicken and I had my lap surgery done. I am so thankful I did. I have no way near the pain I had during af and for the week before af. I feel like a new person in that way. I still have a few tiny scars but I am happy they found what they did and got rid of it. You might have nothing to remove and just a tube clean. This does up the chance of becoming pregnant, even though so far not for me, but time will tell. hey.. I am glad I had it done.
It is a hard decision and it's yours. I hope you get pregnant this month and don't need to look any further.
Here's sending positive vibes your way.
Luv Lesley

10:07 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Jamie - I know you are scared and it is a big step but you have to ask yourself - what is scarier? The lap or the possibility of not having a baby? I know the out of pocket is expensive but it seems well worth it.
Don't let your fear get the best of you ! Thinking of you.

3:40 AM  
Anonymous EmDee said...

Hi! Delurking to tell you that it will all be OK.
I read your post and I am filled with such memories of my own journey. I totally understand about being scared to do medical stuff -- but it's always easier than we imagine. I stressed myself out before ALL of my procedures, and SERIOUSLY afterward I was like, "Oh is that it?" A lap is really OK. It's normal to be worried, but it's seriously not that bad. And the hardest thing about the injectibles is doing the FIRST one. After that, it's easier and easier.
So just know someone is praying for you in cyberland. Take care!

4:48 AM  
Blogger Hoping said...

Big decisions are tough, but you will make the right one for you. I hope this month works out for you.

6:53 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Jamie,

First, I am so, so sorry that you had PID from your ex. How terrible that must be for you.

I think most doctors are lap happy and 99% my husband advises against them but if you had Chlamydia and PID than a lap is definitely a medically sound idea.

This is not a wild goose chase for mild endo--when you had a serious condition which a) is the #1 cause of female infertility in woman under 35 in America b) does cause scarring

I'm surprised that a doctor did not insist on a lap earlier since have had PID.

Good luck this cycle--but the lap, in my humble, semi-educated opinion (ex medical writer with doctor husband), considering your history of std and pid, should have been done as soon as you had your first miscarriage.

I think that given your history you have a reasonable cause to be hopeful that the lap will help find an answer to your problems.

Peace, girl.

7:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jamie,

I am the anonymous who advised you earlier about changing jobs in order to get insurance to pay for treatments...
I am following your story - you are very nice person- and I wish you all the best.

I think you should do it. The way I see it right now you have a choice of doing/not doing lap( and other things), but the longer you wait on ANYTHING, you may get to the point when you don't even have to make any decisions, because it is too late. It may sound cruel, but I think at this point you have to use your time wisely. I am sorry if I sound too harsh, I am same way with myself too...If I were you I'd make a plan of what you willing to do to get pregnant- lap, IUI, IVF, consider how far I am willing to go, and how much I am willing to spend- and JUST follow the plan without having to take time to decide every next step. I think it may be easier mentally.

Best wishes whatever you decide,

Julie

8:26 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I don't have alot of advice in regards to the lap because I haven't had one done yet, but I know for myself that I would do anything that might breing about the desired results. If nothing else, it may just rule something else out. I just wanted to wish you luck with your decision - whatever you decide I'm sure will be right for you!

11:37 AM  
Blogger Ally said...

I had a lap done and it wasn't too bad at all. I think it's all worth it if it brings you that much closer to having a baby.

Like you said, becoming 35 and all, you certainly don't want to regret to have done all you can.

Think of it as an investment into motherhood!

2:21 PM  
Anonymous Ollie said...

As a veteran of two laps, I say it is a good plan of action. It makes a huge difference. It's good to know what's going on in there and give yourself the absolute best chance possible. Had I not had my last lap, I'd have never known my intestine was being choked by endo. I'm sure that's not the case with you, but it is a good thing to do, to make sure everything is doing what it should be. Plus you get all the awesome drugs.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I understand your feelings about doing the lap but think you should definitely do it. It will provide your dr with an idea of what the problem is and will bring you closer to your dream.

6:09 AM  
Anonymous Melissa in TN said...

Hi Jamie, I have been reading your blog for quite a while now. First of all, only you and Mr. D. know what is best for you in your situation but I'd say have one.

I had a lap in Sept 05. I am 38, have PCOS and was ovulating but no pg on Met and Clomid. I'd had two attempts at HSG but the radiologists couldn't insert the cath because I had a tilted uterus.

Turns out my uterus was stuck down with adhesions. My doc said they were from gall bladder surgery. So he removed them and removed a grapefruit sized cyst that we didn't know was there. He found out my tubes were patent.

Since then, I've had two chemical pregnancies. Not great but the eggs and swimmers are meeting and fertilizing which is much further than we've ever gotten. My RE is optimistic and thinks the losses are due to low progesterone.

Honestly it wasn't that bad. We got a lot of good info from it--no endo, uterus and ovaries in good shape etc.

Good luck and best wishes to you and Mr. D. Chin up, sweetie!!!1

8:05 PM  
Blogger Kirsten said...

Hi there,
Hopefully you are right and you will get pregnant this cycle and not even have to worry about it...but...I have to tell you the positive side of laps. I consider myself a near-expert as I have had three laps in less than a year, the last one just this past Wednesday.Yes, they are a pain but I am so thankful that I have had them. I have severe endo and every time my RE has gone back in, he's been able to clean up more and more. The first one was the worst, only b/c I had two cysts to remove. The other two have been not so bad at all. I was up and out the next day.
It's never fun to go through surgery but there is no way I would ever get pregnant without going through what I've gone through.Unfortunately, my fertility future is still uncertain but I am at peace knowing I have done my part.
I wish you the best...hope that follicle is ready to go and this is your month!!!!

7:03 AM  
Blogger Chas said...

I can't tell you whether or not to have a lap done, all I can say is that you need to do what is in your heart. I would hate for you not to get it done and then regret it later in life.

You are in my thoughts and prayers! If you need anything let me know and I will do what I can.

Take care and hope to talk to you soon.

8:10 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

I use to think ignorance is bliss but that's not true. The more information you can find out now while you are still young the better. You have more options. That's my advice.

10:33 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

Jamie,

Give us an update!! I am thinking about ya!

Jess

3:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where are you???
what is the update....waiting with bated breath!!

hope the news is good and you have found peace in the decision you choose to make....

heads up and much love!

2:34 PM  
Blogger rockmama-in-waiting said...

Just another lurker vote for the lap. Had it done earlier this year and so glad I did! It turned out to be okay, but so glad to know that the things I was worried about weren't the case. For me, it was like paying for peace of mind and narrowing down the list of things that might be preventing me staying pregnant.

I was freaked about the surgery too, but it turned out to be relatively painless other than the air that they have to put in your body cavity to get a good look at everything.

Good luck with whatever you decide! Hope it goes well!

4:51 AM  

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