Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

On the road again...

Mr. D. and I leave tomorrow for our vacation. (I know *some* of you may feel this is frivolous... since we are infertile and all... but we are doing it... so if us spending our money on things other than treatments bugs should stop reading here.)

seriously... stop reading and judging me...

I am not kidding....

We will be gone 18 days. We are driving to Florida (yes.... from Texas to Florida... even with gas prices it is still cheaper than flying and renting a car.) First we will spend 8 days in Orlando at my Grandmother's house on the lake and we are planning to do the Universal theme parks and we have a couple of Disney passes that a dear friend gave us who works there... So we plan at least 4 or 5 of those days to be at the parks or waterparks. After Orlando we will dive another 6 hours to Seaside, Florida our FAVORITE place on earth for a week in a beautiful beach condo... just the two of us. Seaside, Florida is the beautiful town that the movie THE TRUMAN SHOW was filmed in... hence the reason that we chose the name Truman for our puppy. We plan to return home on the 18th of June tan and relaxed.

The only sad thing is leaving our animals here. We have friends who are going to take great care of them... but it s still hard to leave their sweet little faces.

So... tomorrow and Friday are travel days (for those of you who are long time readers... pray for our drive down and back... if you are not long time readers just check out the archives for July '06 and June '05... and you will see why we are asking you to think good thoughts!!!!) The car is all checked out... we are almost packed... and tomorrow begins a brand new adventure.

I plan to post a lot... my goal is every other day... mostly for a nice little log for me to remember... but I hope you will join us on our trip... I promise to make it interesting...

PS... no haters please... just give me this vacation to be normal... please.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Monday, May 28, 2007


What do you do on a rainy Memorial Day afternoon when you are trying not to blog?


You give your puppy a mohawk...

Truman - Bad to the Bone...
Now all I need is my "Bitches love me"
t-shirt and I am ready to hit the clubs.

Now how can I not blog about that???

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Thursday, May 24, 2007


First... I want to say thank you for all of the supportive posts on my last blog... this blog has been a huge comfort to me... just knowing that there are women out there who "get it" makes me feel better.

Second... I would like to say a huge fuck off to the friggin anonymous posters who looooove to judge my decisions or non- decisions about having a child. I do not write this blog for you to "understand" why I do or don't do certain things. I do not post about every aspect of my life or finances... I do not post about why (specifically) I am not comfortable going to more extraordinary measures to have a baby... because of... basically... people like you. People who think they "know" me... who feel like they can make flip comments like this..

"I know IF treatments can be costly but I would think not going on vacation or updating your home would come second or third to having a child."

or this...

"I, being one suffering yrs of infertility & recurring losses, understand the need to unload the pain in what ever way you can. However, what I don't understand is why no testing has been done, and more importantly why no aggressive treatment has been attempted. "

by the way.. I have spent thousands on testing... read the archives before you assume.

I know these are only 2 (anonymous) posters out of 27. The other 25 were warm and kind and understanding... but these two... just piss me off.

Don't you understand that you are basically "just relaxing" me??? You are saying "just do IVF". I mean what else is there? So why don't you come out and say it? You love to veil it in comments like "more aggressive treatment" or "get some help from a good RE". So why don't you "just IVF" me like so many have "just relaxed" me or "just adopt" me. I mean you make the whole $17,000 IVF seem so easy... even though there is no guarantee of a live baby at the end (especially since I tend to miscarry) and you make those 50% success rates look great. And of course spending that kind of money is totally on the same level as spending a couple of thousand on your home or taking a $1500 vacation.. Who even needs a vacation when you can "just IVF"??? So easy.. so simple... Maybe I just don't really want a child....

I would never write a post like... "wow... you have done 5 IVF's.... and you are still not pregnant and you are in financial ruin... maybe it is time for you to move on..." or "Sounds like infertility treatments are ruining your marriage and you will probably be divorced in another year" or "Congratulations on getting pregnant... so sad that you and your husband are barely speaking". Why?... because these are issues between you and your partner. Not you and freakin Blogworld.

I would never write a comment like... "Oh... so you bought a new car? I guess you don't really want a baby or obviously you would spend money on nothing else and probably ruin your marriage while you are at it... if you really wanted a baby." Why?... because maybe you need a new car... maybe you just want to be normal for a minute and have the nice things that other people have...

AND... while I am at it... I would never post anonymously on someones blog. It is cowardly... especially if you are making such harsh judgements about them personally.

So.. I remind you all out there... I care about you... I read your blogs and feel like I know you... but I don't know every aspect of your like... or even every aspect of your infertility battle or you finances... or your beliefs... or your fears... or your husbands feelings about all of the bullshit infertility brings into your life.... and I don't pretend to.

And you don't know me.

I get to be sad about my own infertility...
I get to decide on what treatments I want to do...
I get to go on vacation if I want to...
I get to decide what I spend money on and what I don't...
I get to decide which aspects of my life I share on my blog and which I don't...
I get to make my life decisions with my husband...

And none of that "proves" how much I do or do not want a child.

And honestly... I should not have to "explain or defend" any of these decisions to strangers on the internet.

So.. if you don't understand me or don't respect my choices... then don't read.

That is if I decide to even continue this blog.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Remember When?

Remember When...
My Ode to 4+ years of Infertility.

Remember when you though people who couldn't have babies were sad, old, bitter women who probably really didn't want kids...

Remember when you sighed in relief to find out that you weren't pregnant?

Remember all the sex you didn't have because accidentally getting pregnant was the biggest fear you had?

Remember when the thing you worried most about pregnancy was getting fat?

Remember when you REALLY wanted a girl... but weren't so sure about a boy?

Remember when the condom broke and you went to Planned Parenthood for a triple dose of bc pills because no way could you get pregnant with that guy!

Remember when you judged women in their 20's who had babies for having kids to soon and blowing off their education?

Remember all the thought you put into to which month you would begin trying to get pregnant so it would perfectly compliment your work schedule, or a vacation, or swimsuit season?

Remember being totally freaked out the first time you had sex without birth control because you we so sure you would immediately fall pregnant.

Remember the list of baby names you used to keep in a drawer?

Remember when you actually said to an infertile "why don't you just adopt?"

Remember when you could walk by a chic maternity store and not even notice it?

Remember when you has sex because you wanted to?

Remember having an extensive exam at age 29 including an hsg and being told "all clear" looks great!

Remember when you thought getting pregnant = having a baby.

Remember when they told you that bleeding is normal in early pregnancy... and you believed them?

Remember when a miscarriage was something that happened to women in romance novels and tv movies of the week?

Remember crying outside in the hammock so that your husband wouldn't see you crying... again.

Remember when you felt joy at 2 pink lines and not fear?

Remember when you bought maternity clothes at 3 weeks pregnant?

Remember when you thought that a zygote was not "really" a baby?

Remember when you didn't know at exactly what day there is supposed to be a beating heart?

Remember when your divorce was the worst thing that you had ever been through?

Remember when you didn't feel like you were "infertile"... that you just had a little bad luck?

Remember opk's?

Remember the first baby shower you didn't go to?

Remember when you first joined a board for support?

Remember when you though it was impossible for you to have 2 miscarriages?

Remember posting "I'm pregnant and thing aren't looking good.."

Remember the vacation that you spent waiting to miscarry?

Remember when you saw pink on the tissue paper and this time knew exactly what that meant?

Remember taking hpt's to watch the 2nd pink line fade away?

Remember packing up the pregnancy magazines and books... for the 2nd time?

Remember when you were the only non-pregnant woman left on the board?

Remember when every month you thought you were pregnant and having symptoms?

Remember temping?????

Remember starting to blog just to get it out... and secretly feeling that this wasn't an infertility blog... it was the beginning of a baby book?

Remember taking 6 or 7 pregnancy tests in a week... waiting for 2 lines?

Remember when more experienced infertiles told you to get off the boards?

Remember when all you thought you needed was a good $200 fertility monitor and a kind (pregnant) friend sent you hers?

Remember when everyone around you would ask "Hey... when are you gonna have kids?"

Remember when someone said to you for the first time "Just relax".

Remember when you didn't automatically remove your pants upon entering a doctors office?

Remember when you didn't know that insurance in Texas sucks and most (including yours) offers no help with infertility?

Remember when all you thought you needed was a vacation?

Remember when you changed your blog because all the bloggers (except you) were now pregnant or moms?

Remember when you first said the word "adoption" out loud?

Remember when you didn't even notice pregnant women or new moms?

Remember when the words "I'm pregnant" from a co-worker or friend didn't send you into a tailspin?

Remember when you were all in the same boat and now you are still in the boat and they are planning birthday parties?

Remember when you thought that clomid was a miracle drug?

Remember when you though doctors knew what they were talking about?

Remember when someone told you to "just adopt"?

Remember feeling like women who were "taking a break" were really giving up?

Remember when you stopped taking pregnancy tests?

Remember when someone told you to "just relax" and you went off on them for 45 minutes about the insensitivity of their assvice?

Remember when you actually used the sticky icky yellow progesterone supplements instead of just letting them rot in the drawer...

Remember when you used to ask your husband "does this top make me look fat?" instead of "Does this top make me look pregnant?... because someone asking if you are finally pregnant when you are infertile is the worst... and basically it still means you look fat.

Remember being angry at your prenatal vitamins and breaking up with them?

Remember when you allowed yourself to feel hopeful?

Remember when everyone you know didn't know you as infertile?

Remember when people didn't walk on eggshells around you and whisper things like "any news"? and "how arrrrre you" while glancing at your empty belly ?"

Remember when you made a plan?

Remember when you made plan B and plan C?

Remember when you ran out of plans?

Remember when you cared?

Remember when you felt the sting and not just numb?

Remember when you were just Jamie and not infertile?

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Sunday, May 06, 2007

cd 1...


Been out of town with 13 students for a weekend at an Austin theatre competition. Had a blast.

Pissed about my period... again.

Gotta do about a million things before school tomorrow.

I'll blog soon.

Daisypath Wedding tickers

Click Here