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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The details I promised

Everything is good. Everything is moving along perfectly... I know I promised details but for some reason I am feeling very protective of the details of our meeting with our birthmother. It is such an emotional story and for the past 2 weeks I have just been a bit overwhelmed with the details... especially the details about her. During the meeting there were defiantly things that we all thought of as a "sign" that this is the placement we have all been waiting for... there were several jaw dropping moments including the moment when she asked us what we were planning to name the baby. I was a little reluctant to tell her since I felt like there had to be a name that she was calling the baby in her womb (even secretly). But when I told her that the name that we had chosen was Finley Elisse her eyes opened wide and filled with tears... Elise was the name she had been calling the baby. (chills and tears even thinking about it now.)

I am feeling very protecting of the young woman who will be our birthmother. The adoption will be very open. With photos, letters, and visits. This birthmother is a wonderful person that we feel very comfortable having in our lives. She is a teenager with a very hard home life and aspirations to go to college and make her life better. Her one goal in life is to get out of her house and make a life for herself. She takes advanced placement classes and plays the cello on a state recognized level. She is pretty, sweet, and well spoken. We correspond by email and on the phone. Her biggest fear right now is that her water will break in class...

Finley is doing well. She is the size of a pineapple right now... 4.9 pounds as of last Friday. Her abdomen is measuring small (in the 17th percentile) which is a little bit to be concerned about.... but the doctor says even though it is small it is still "normal". Heartbeat was 155 and everything look great. I have seen sonograms and now have them on my phone to show anyone who will look at them...

Birthmom has asked me to be in the delivery room. I am freaking out a little. I know that this will be a totally emotional time and I am so afraid of being in the way. I am also scared beyond words of the 48 hours that follow delivery... these are the 48 hours where birthmom (I have GOT to think of a sweet anonymous name for her for this blog) can change her mind. Right now she is as solid as a person can be... she is looking forward to graduation, moving out and starting college (she has been accepted to a nice big university away from home)... but I am sooo frightened of that 48 hours because I am so attached already... please continue to pray for strength, courage, wisdom and peace for all of us involved.

Right now my "real life' is filled with major projects at work (only our biggest show of the year that opens 2 weeks before the due date) and trying to make sub plans for the last 6 weeks of school. I have a feeling the next 7 weeks are going to fly by... and at the same time be the longest 7 weeks of our lives.

Thank you all so much for your words of support... I have read your comments each day ad they help me as I move into these uncharted waters!

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Saturday, February 06, 2010

prayers answered!

It is as official as it can be in the adoption world...
Finley Elisse is due on April 10!!!
Details to come later...
please continue to pray... a lot can happen in the next 2 months...
We are thrilled beyond words!

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Tuesday, February 02, 2010

RED ALERT!!!! #2... (aka: Oh my God... this could happen)!

Mr. D. and I will be driving to "small town five hours away" on Friday night to meet birthmom in person at 10 AM on Saturday morning.

WHAT??? Yep... it is true...


So this is not at all how my agency usually works... but two things have lined up... We expressed an interest in open adoption and this birthmom liked our bio and specifically asked if we were willing to meet her and willing to be open. So of course we said yes!

I spoke with birthmom on the phone while she was at the agency today... sounded sweet... bad home life... feels her home environment/ family situation is not healthy for a child, has aspirations to attend college in the fall and to become a nurse. I stumbled so much when I talked to her... I was so nervous and scared that she wouldn't like me. M (the adoption attorney) later told me that I did fine and that birthmom seemed happy with the conversation. I am just glad that she still wants to meet me after our awkward conversation.

Here is what we know... birthmom is 18, Caucasian, brown hair, blue eyes, 5'6" and due April 10. She has had prenatal care and had an adoption plan set up with another family (not with my agency) and it suddenly fell through (apparently the adoptive dad decided that he was to old for an infant). Birthfather is unknown.

We will leave here on Friday after school to head to "small town 5 hours away". We are planning to stay the night in town and then meet at the agency at 10 AM. Please pray that if this is the child God has planned for us that doors will open quickly and easily and if not those doors would shut. I am praying for clarity more than ever before... and strength... and courage.. and peace.

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Red Alert!!!!

got this email today... at 2:30 am

Guys, I got a call tonight from a birth mother who saw y'all on our website. She is expecting a girl. She is supposed to come in at 1:30 . She says she is due on April 10th. I don't know anything about her yet and she may be completely unsuitable and she might not show up. But, if she does I wanted to find out from y'all if you would be willing to schedule a conference call with her in the future. Please dont get your hopes up but let me know as soon as possible.

Time to pray like we have never prayed before.

AND... especially pray that I am able to control my hopes...

I feel nauseous...

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