What a week...

Wow... What a week. I was hoping for things to calm down and get back to normal in my last post... well... lets just say I am still hoping...

Important info for this post... I have 4 pets... Emmitt (dog- 13 years), Hannah (cat-12 years), Lenny (cat- 4 years), & Snoopy (cat - 2 years).

Dec 23 - Emmitt was rebounding from surgery nicely. Lovely anniversary dinner with Mr. D. We had a great dinner at Carraba's and then went last minute Christmas shopping... came home and watched our wedding video... nice day. (the calm before the storm.)

Dec. 24 - Spent all day cleaning and cooking. My family came over and we had a nice Christmas eve together... very casual. We made homemade pizza (our family tradition) and ate Italian sausage and pizza along with a ton of desserts. My Dad and his wife were spending the night... At 12:30 we went to bed leaving Dad and wife watching TV... At 5:30 AM we realized that 1 of our cats was outside... someone had "accidentally" (ie - carelessly) let him out. It didn't take long for us to realize that Snoopy... our youngest kitty was missing and no where to be found. So somehow... someone.. "accidentally / carelessly" let out TWO of our cats in the middle of the night and didn't realize it.

Dec. 25 - Spent all morning from 5:30 on searching for Snoopy... He was no where to be found. Once Dad and his wife work up around 8:30... I made breakfast. It turned into a very sour morning because everyone was upset about the missing pet. Mr. D. and I didn't open gifts because we were to frazzled... When my family finally cleared out at about noon we opened gifts... Mr. D. went overboard. I got all sort of girly stuff like perfume and bubble bath and the Elizabeth Arden make-up set. I also got tons of cloths and pj's. I took a nap and then we planned for Mr.D's family to come over that night. We had 21 people over on Christmas night and it was really fun... well stressful-fun... His family can just be overwhelming... but a couple (well 4 or 5) glasses of wine helped me though! They were all very generous in their gifts and even stayed to help me clean up. All in all a very nice time... except for the missing Snoopy.

Dec. 26 - I made an appointment to take Emmitt back to the doctor to check his stitches and his eyes... I also decided to take my other cat Hannah (who is 12) because she has been walking funny... I thought probably arthritis or something. We spent a good part of the afternoon putting up "missing Snoopy" posters around our neighborhood and in the park across the street.

Dec. 27 - Snoopy returns!!!! After 57 hours he just shows up at the back door! YAY!!! We celebrated and are so relieved that he is safe... (in fact ... he is on my lap as I am typing this.) I take Emmitt and Hannah to the vet. Emmitt's incision looks good and is healing well.. YAY... His ears are clear... YAY... His eye is healing but no at fast as they would like so more meds and another eye staining test... =$97. Hannah - has a full blood panel and is found to have diabetes. She is now insulin dependent for the rest of her life and I have to give her injections 2X a day. =$203.

For those of you playing along at home that is $1500 in vet bills that I have incurred since Thanksgiving. The $$$$ is coming from my mastercard... And I am freaking out.

Dec 28 - Today we found out that Emmitt did have testicular cancer... but it was very small and the vet is sure that she got it all... so that is good news. I have to take him back next week for yet another eye stain test (probably another $100). And I have to take Hannah back to the vet in 2 weeks for her all day glucose test (probably at least another $100-$200). I know it sounds funny but please pray for my little furry family... we can't take much more of these bills coming in. And I just do not know what to do.

Other than all that I am fine and Mr. D. is fine. We did have a nice Christmas (except for the "2005 Great Kitty Escape" and all the $$$ lost. But our family is still in tact.

I am supposed to see my doctor on cd 13 next week to check my liver function (a bloodtest I need every few months because of the Metformin)... that is another $35. At some point I think I will need to cut up this credit card....

We do have some good possibilities with Mr. D's acting coming up in the future... Please say a quick prayer about that too. It would be a huge help financially... but I can't talk about it yet.. I don't want to jinx it.

2005 was a much better year than 2004 for us... But we are really ready and in need of a GREAT 2006!!!!

December 23, 2005

It has been a rough 3 days...

Mr. D. has been dealing with some asshole trying to steal his identity! They got into his email and Ebay account and changed all of his passwords 3 times!!!! This crazy person was running an ebay scam out of my husbands email and ebay accounts and it took us several days to get into the hotmail account and delete the entire thing. Jeez... So to all of the stupid people on Ebay that thought they could send $300 by Western Union to friggin ROMANIA and get 49 cell phones... uhm.. hello... if it sounds to good to be true... it is a SCAM!!! There were several people who actually sent $300 to this person and I can't imagine how they will ever track him down or get their $$ back. We have put up new firewall and virus protectors and everything thing seems to be getting back to normal... Thank God.

My 13 year old doggy Emmitt got VERY sick this week... He had an infection in his eye and ear and when I took him to the vet they found a giant open sore on his testicle.... I freaked out... the vet thinks it was cancer and immediately started talking about putting him to sleep. After more (expensive) bloodwork and x-rays we discovered that if it is cancer it seemed to be contained and decided to do surgery to remove it. I was a total basket case on Wednesday... I was totally hysterical about the possibility of putting Emmitt to sleep when he seemed so normal and happy. The surgery went very well... and we will know in a week or so if it is cancer... but I am hoping a praying that we were able so buy him a little more healthy time with us. All this to the tune of $880. Thank you God that our parents had mostly given us $$$ for Christmas and everyone gave us our gifts early to try to help Emmitt. Mr. D. was AMAZING through the whole thing. He was so strong and supportive and even offered for me to take back all of his Christmas gifts to help pay for the surgery... (which I did not take him up on). We just decided that is why God made credit cards... for emergencies... and believe me this was an emergency.

Today is our 4th wedding anniversary. I know you all know how much I love my husband and how great he is... but this week he has just gone above and beyond for me... Especially since it was such a stressful week for him too. Today he has a massage scheduled for me (which by the time we realized we had no $$$ left it was to late to cancel...lucky me!) So today I will "force" him to watch our wedding video for the 4th time...I have a small gift for him planned too. Then I will go get my massage while he has a big time photo shoot for the latest show he is in JOHNNY GUITAR (he's Johnny!). And then a quiet candlelight dinner for two at home (since we can't really go out to the big fancy dinner we had planned...) And all the while we will be shoving pills into Emmitt and spending time with him as he recovers.

I think this trouble this week is over and we will be able to enjoy the holidays with our entire family in tact. Lucky us.

Happy Anniversay to us and Merry Christmas to you,
Jamie, Mr. D., Hannah, Lenny, and Snoopy (the cats!) and EMMITT!

BFN...

BFN on CD 31 and 33. Now I am just waiting for AF.

I was going to write a cute little Christmas carol about this BFN and how it is totally fucking me up for the holidays... but I just don't have the energy. And I don't want to sink deeper into the dregs of "no-2005-pregnancy-for-me" realization.

Soooooo... that is it.

I am going to wallow in it for a while.

Cheery-ish

Copying Ally... Trying to be Cheery!

The mantel... Mr. D. did a nice job.. plus it all lights up and looks really beautiful.


The dining room... I loved using candy on the table! (The cats love it too...)


The tree.. all Disney ornaments. I have been collecting them for about 15 years. This year I got a really cute Chicken Little.

OK... I should start feeling cheery any minute.

right???

The Great Divide.

Christmas seems to be the great divide between women who are pregnant and people who are not. The "Pgs" are having the best and most grateful holiday season of their lives... there are epiphanies about the real meaning of Christmas and talk of seeing things though new eyes and a happiness that seems to be simply overwhelming. They are glowing... and they should be.

The Non-Pgs... well... uhm... that is another story.

We are hanging on by the skin of our teeth. At best we seem to be faking a jolliness and have adapted an "I'm OK... really..." type attitude. At worst... well, I am sure you have been reading the blogs. You know the sad defeated sting of getting you last BFN before the New Year or the freaked out panic of being in the 2WW feeling that this is the "last month ever" to get a BFP. Many of us have stopped hanging out on the boards... or have trouble finding anything to say in our blogs. I mean no one "wants" to be bitter and angry at the holidays... so I think many of us are doing what our mom's taught us this holiday season..."If we don't have anything nice to say..." you know the rest.

I am one who is pushing my way through the holidays. I am faking my way through... but in a different way.

I am blah.

I am having a really hard time caring about anything. I don't feel angry or depressed... but I am having trouble "wanting" to shop for other people... "wanting" to turn on my Christmas lights", "wanting" to do anything except sit on the sofa and veg out on non-Holiday related drivel. I have had moments of "Christmas"... but the business of work and the pure lack of energy just zaps the holidays from me.

I am blah.

I am on cd 28. I need to take a pg test. But I am scared... not really because I think I am pg. But because I don't want to be pushed out of blah and into full fledged BFN-I can't-take-the holidays-blues. Last year I got a BFN on Christmas day... (that is back when I was an idiot and thought I should wait to test until that "special day"...) Let's just say... not good. This year even if I have a long cycle AF should be here at least a few days before Christmas... so.. I am very thankful for that.

I may test on Saturday (cd 32)... I may not. I have to protect the blah-ness right now.

Also... In closing... I am really frustrated with my pregnant bloggers who quit posting after the baby comes. Yes... yes.. I know... I don't comment to much on pg blogs... (but I haven't been commenting on many blogs lately.) Yes... yes... I know you are overwhelmed because you are a new mom.. and I know that it is really hard... Yes... yes.. I know that you are all trying to forget that you were infertile and move on with your beautiful family... but I feel a little jipped. I mean I read your blog (I know... maybe I didn't comment) but I was there... lurking... and watching over you your entire pregnancy... and then you disappear just when it is getting good. This has happened with at least 7 blogs that I regularly read.

Please post.
Please let us know how you and the babies are doing.
Please... don't forget you were infertile once.

Merry - blah- Christmas.

Christmas Panic!!!

I am seriously starting to panic about Christmas. Seriously. I have so much shopping to do and I don't know when I am going to do it. Our show at school opens tonight and runs thru Saturday night which for me means 14-16 hours a day at work for the next 4 days. I have Sunday to shop... but I also know I NEED to sleep and rest that day since I have not had an entire day off (because of the STUPID production) in 16 days. Next week I have to stay late on Monday to allow the kids to decorate afterschool for our holiday party... which I *should* make fun but I always just want them to hurry up so we can all leave... (This is BIG decorating of the entire theatre... It takes a while... ON Tuesday is the holiday party... so that is another 14-16 hour day at school... That leaves me after school on the 14th-17th to purchase all my gifts for my family because Christmas with Dad is on the 18th and I have to get stuff for my mom and her family in the mail to get there by Christmas. uggghhh. I thought this holiday stuff was supposed to be fun!!!! I jut feel like I am missing the entire Christmas season because I am so freaking BUSY!!!

Ok enough whining.... I just wanted you to know why I have been so absent from my blog lately.

I am on cd 22... At least the old 2WW will go by quickly this time!

I have made one really cool gift for my Mom, brother and Dad... I made a calendar at kinkos.com for them. I used pictures of my brother and me as kids side-by-side with similar ones of us as grown ups... (I got the idea from my SIL a few years ago but I never had the pics in my possession.) I was amazed at how many I found that looked so similar in either color, composition, pose, or facial expressions...


Here is one of me that I like... Look at the outfits... they are the exact same colors! It took me a LOOOONG time to scan and crop all the photo's... but the Kinko's site is pretty easy to use.

OK... Got to run and buy a birthday gift online for Mom... Hopefully it will get there by her birthday on the 13th!

Have a great day!

New and Fun!

New favorite toy at work!!!!!

I looove this site!!!! (be sure to have your speakers on!) I actually can't believe it is free! I have had it on at work constantly in my office for the past 3 days.... LOOOOOVE it!

Be sure to totally "geek out" and have a Rick Springfield station and a Journey station.... ahhhh the 80's.

www.pandora.com