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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Stupid Women...

You have got to read this post over at Kir's... Please go now and read... I couldn't have said it better myself.

Stupid insensitive fertiles... uggghhhh...

if they're not paying for my fertility treatments, I (as an infertile) shouldn't have to pay for other women's maternity treatments!!!

ok... rant over.. please go read.

Kir your post is brilliant.

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Friday, February 23, 2007

I've been punctured....

I think I am on cd 14 or 15... not sure...

Today I did something I have been thinking about doing for a long time. I went to my first acupuncture appointment. Yep... I am now on board with a new-age-y holistic approach to my fertility... and for a modern girl like me... I felt like I was seeing a which doctor for a little voodoo... But... I actually really loved MOST of it.

I didn't feel like I was in a doctors office... I mean it just looked ... I don't know... older than a doctors office... and less fancy... I really did feel like I was in an office in a small China town. First I talked with the "doctor"... (I say "doctor because I am not really sure if she is a doctor) She spoke in very broken English and asked me about my infertility. I know you won't believe this... but she actually "just adopt-ed" me... You know what that is right?... When you are talking about infertility and the person you are talking to tells you that maybe you should "just adopt" because that is how her friend / sister / sister in law / cousin ended up pregnant. "As soon as they got the baby home she found out that she was pregnant!"

Anyway I was mostly forgiving about her "just adopt-ing" me. We talked a little about the Metformin, progesterone, and anti-anxiety meds I am taking and then she made sure to tell me that with preg-ga-na-cy there is no guarantee... and you might need treatments for 2 or 3 months before you actually get preg-ga-not. Hahahahaha.... how cute... (she doesn't know me.)

We also talked about how I might be blocked emotionally from getting preg-ga-not because of the trauma of my miscarriages... this I can actually believe and it is one of the reasons that I decided to try acupuncture now... to try to de-stress and (dare I say the word) relax about the whole preg-ga-na-cy. So... even though I was "just adopt-ed" and "just relax-ed" by this tiny little Chinese "doctor"... I felt like I was in the right place.

So we started the treatment with my abdomen and legs.. about 8 needles... then she attached these electric thingys to them and they sort of throbbed... then she covered me in towels and blankets and cooked me under a heat lamp for about 15 minutes... I was surprised at how fast the time went by and how relaxed I was. I was also shocked at how gurglely my tummy got (which she said was normal since your digestive system is right there too). Then I was turned over and she did the same thing to my lower back for another 15 minutes. After she took the 2nd set of needles out I was given a 10 minute massage and then she "cupped" me... I have only heard about cupping on tv (remember when Gwenyth Paltrow showed up at some event with huge hickey looking marks all over her back? Well.. that is cupping....)

As I was leaving she gave me some Chinese herb pills called zi si fang (which I have googled and can't find out what they are... besides a "Chinese herb mixture") And $90 later I left feeling really good. Tonight, at 9:30 after a 3 hour rehearsal at school I still had energy to want to walk the puppy around the block and now at 11 pm I still have tons of energy... so maybe the 2 billion people in China are on to something... maybe there is something to this acupuncture.... maybe in a couple of months I will be preg-ga-not.

So... that is what I have done this month to try to conceive... well all that and sex.

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

All is calm...

All is calm...

Both Mom and Grandmom flew out yesterday. We all had a lovely visit... but I must say it will be nice to be back to normal. I am glad to have my house back and be able to come in after work and veg out in front of the tv instead of worrying about where we will eat dinner or what entertaining thing we will o that evening. My mom was here for 9 days... and I loved it. But there is a guilt that I have when she leaves and I am relieved to have my life back. I only see her about once a year... which is so hard and I feel like I should enjoy every moment of her being here... but having someone in your home for 9 days straight is hard.

I have had one afternoon of being alone... and that is all I really needed... because this morning... I miss her a lot.

It is hard not having your mom around on a regular basis... I mean she is always just a phone call away... but I get so envious of daughters that have their mom nearby and have family dinners on the weekend... or go out shopping... or just sit and have coffee and talk... we have to shove all that stuff into 9 days (plus work and direct at school) and that is just exhausting.

I am so glad that she got to see my show... she said it was a dream come true for her. A real "full circle" moment after all the lessons and rehearsals and plays that she took me too when I was growing up. And especially because my Grandmother (who is 85) got to come too... and see the show and stay at our home... My mom was really thankful that they got that opportunity.

My husband is a Saint... truly. He was the chauffeur, host, and planner the entire time they were here... I mean most days I left for work at 9 and came home at 6... and it was Mr. D. that took care of the pick ups at the airport, taking them shopping, going to lunch with them, sitting with then during the day... and the trying to help me have a nice time with everyone in the evening even though I was tired and had a cold most of the time. I have thanked him 100 times... but it is not enough. He is just the most wonderful person I have every known.

So now life can go back to semi-normal. I am still mucho behind directing my show at school but I hope to get caught up this week and feel better about it by the end of the week. Mr.D. starts rehearsals for a new show this week so I will be on my own totally in the evening... it will be a good rest... I plan on eating light all week and going to bed early.

I hope everyone out there is doing well. I plan to start posting more often now that I will have more time.

Oh yeah... I *think* I am on cd 12.
Remember when this was an infertility blog?

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

My mom is here and tonight we are having a lovely dinner at Carrabba's with my brother and Mr. D! Work is stressful and busy as usual.. I am trying very hard to enjoy the time with my mom... but it stinks to have her here and have to go in to work each day and then feel so tired at home.

I had some nice surprises for V-day... from mom so very nice perfume... From Mr. D. (in addition to an awesome new closer..) gorgeous red tulips, Godiva chocolates (macaroons and 2 key lime chocolate covered truffles), a good smelling candle from Whole Foods, a cherry chili pepper dark chocolate bar, and some lovely bath salts!

I hope all of you have a romantic night with the one you love... or a great crowded family feast like I am having tonight!

Steak Marsala here I come!

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Friday, February 09, 2007

CD 2

Nope... not pregnant this month. After taking the month off to live in the real world and do other things besides go to the doctor... I have made the decision that I am taking another month off meds. I know this sounds a bit dramatic... but I just can't go back to the doctor right now. I am just so tired of the disappointment and the feeling like shit month after month. Part of me feels like this is a baby step towards giving up... but... I need a little normalcy in my life right now. This is a very high stress time of the year for me (getting my students ready for their big theatre competition of the year)... lots of extra hours at work... etc... maybe I am just making excuses... but I am actually sort of happy right now... off meds... of the babytrain... and I just need a little more time not obsessing before I sign up for more stress.

So... this month we may or may not use OPK's... we will try to ttc when I "should" ovulate... and we will just see what happens.

In other news....

1. My big city children's show opened for children on Monday... Tonight is the first "public" performance... so it is considered opening night. I am excited to see the show again tonight... and to see the reviews in the newspapers in the next couple of days. I really tried to do an awesome job... I hope it pays off.

2. Tomorrow we are hosting a cast party for the cast and crew of big city show... I think there will be about 25 people.. I am very excited... I have decided to give myself a break and cater in the whole meal... it will cost about $200... but I would probably spend that plus more if I cooked... so I am ok with it. It is a celebration of the show and of my professional directing debut.

3. Sunday my mom is coming in from North Carolina to visit for 9 whole days! I am so happy that she will be here... even though I have to work for the week she is here... that is ok... the following Thursday my Grandmother will arrive here from Florida and on next Saturday they will see my show. Yay!

4. My students have been having their student directed play festival this week. I have been up at school until almost 9 pm for the last 3 days for the preliminary rounds. One more night to go, Monday, and they will be all finished. Some plays were really good... some weren't... I guess that is the learning part.

5. I feel super behind at school directing our competition play... i now have about 3 weeks to whip it into shape... and I feel rather uninspired about it. The big city children's show has been my main priority and now I have to get excited about this other show... I am really trying...

6. OK... best news... my awesome husband renovated my closet for me since he was not working this week. Granny Smith Apple green paint, all new shelving, pretty white boxes for storage, a shabby chic painted dresser... and.... wait for it... A CHANDELIER!!!!!! As soon as I can talk the laptop in to not being an asshole i will post pictures. We all know my husband is awesome... but wow! What a great Valentine's Day present!!!

OK.. that is it for now... I am interested to hear your thoughts about my decision to take another month off... Is this how giving up starts? I don't care... for now... I am happy.

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