There's no place like home....

I baaaack! I flew home last night and was so happy to see Mr. D. at the airport! I really missed him! We had great TTC /reunion sex last night. I had a peak on the MM (magic monitor)Thursday and Friday but Friday night was our first chance to try... I got a "high" today... so we will try at least once more (knowing that we may have missed it) but isn't it great news that I am actually showing highs and peaks... I feel so encouraged by that.

This week is all about getting ready to go back to work. I have a big funeral on Tuesday for a lady who worked at our school that passed away yesterday suddenly... a group of teachers are singing so I will have to rehearse Monday. Other than that I will start working on curriculum and "first week" crap... and also get ready for our first auditions. We will definitely be hitting the ball running as they say...

Got to go catch up on blogs... boy I missed you guys!

Checking in...

News from New Mexico...

This will be a short one but I am doing fine and looking (really) forward to coming home tomorrow night!

On the TTC front - I got a high on the magic monitor on cd 11... yay... it seems to be working... I got a peak on cd 13... today... FUCK... that is 36 hours before I will be anywhere near my husband! But at least we know it is working... right... I was really surprised since all the battles I have had with OPK's never turning... but this was easy. (Thanks Jenn!)

About the conference:
I had an absolute terrible first 24 hours here... We are staying in at the United World College in the dorms and they are pretty... uhm... primal. The first night I had to change rooms because my bed was full on bugs... yep... BUGS! The food is fattening and I am pretty sure I am gaining weight (my tummy is so bloated... maybe from ovulation... but probably from fat) Now that things have settled down though.. I can honestly say I am having a decent time. The conference sessions are both maddening and inspiring. I thought I was a good teacher.. but I have met so many theatre teachers that are doing and teaching so much MORE. Oh well.. that is why I am here right... to grow... (not just my waistline).

I also got to meet wonderful Jen from FERTILITY NOW! She lives in this area and she met me at the airport and took me to lunch at the cutest little cafe! It was wonderful to meet someone in person! She is so cute and funny and really smart! We talked and talked about out uteruses (uteri?), sperm courts, IUI's, HSG's and our obsession with HTP's... you know... just the typical (infertile) girl talk. Let's all say a prayer that we hear good news from her next week about her IVF!!!

So I will be home tomorrow night and will begin to INTENSELY prepare to go back to work on the 5th... (students will come back on the 15th). I can't wait to see Mr. D... I have missed him so much.

I will post soon when I am safe at home!
I have missed you all!

New Mexico.. here I come..

Leaving for my conference tomorrow...
Not very excited about it...
Nervous to fly...
I wish I could just stay here..
I just know I will miss my hubby terribly...
Wish I never said I would go...

I am such a wuss when it comes to going out of town alone.

I don't know if I will have internet access there... If not I will be home late Friday night.

Have a good week!

Need Technical Support...

Ok... this is my first month with a fertility monitor and I don't have the instruction book... so we are winging it...

Is it normal to be on CD6 (really CD7 since I started in the afternoon) and the fertility monitor still has not asked me to test? I thought I would get a prompt today but nothing happened except the little "m" (I am assuming for AF) disappeared... I also know that since this is a used monitor it may be "remembering" Jenn's old cycle...

Just wanted so confirmation that this is normal... I will be gone all week next week at a conference and I wanted to make sure that I was doing this right... I am not sure if I will have any internet access while I am gone.

In other news... Can you believe JENN is having TWINS???? Holy shit!!! I know her old monitor must be MAGIC now!!!!

CD 2

CD 2

I have not had cramps like this since my m/c.... seriously... I am really hurting... WHY??? Is this another lovely clomid side effect or is it just because my cycle was so long this time? They aren't actually cramps (as in the tummy) but more really a bad lower back ache that makes me want to cry.... just like the pain I had with my m/c's. This morning I actually took 4 extra strength Tylenol in under an hour before it eased up. Now it is just a steady ache. No heavy bleeding though... everything else seems really normal.

What do endo AF pains feel like? Is it the tummy or the back? Now I am paranoid that I suddenly have endo... My mind really sucks...

Today we went out to breakfast and ran errands all morning (you know... Target, Home Depot, Walmart, the bookstore, Garden Ridge, etc...) then came home and Mr. D. watched TROY (an apparently horrible movie) and I took a long nap... then we tackled cleaning and organizing the garage (which wasn't that bad... but we are neat freaks) and I did dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, and put fresh lavender scented sheets on the bed... (if you do not use the vanilla and lavender Downy Fabric Softener go out and get some right now... ahhh the simple pleasures.) Then yummy pizza (roma tomatoes, fresh basil, olive oil and cheese) for dinner... followed by vanilla ice cream with fresh black cherries soaked in spiced rum!

All in all a fairly productive Sunday... even with the cramps.

FINALLY!!!!

CD 1

The bitch FINALLY showed up... 7 days late... 4 days later than EVER... in my ENTIRE life.

I will start using Jenn's magic fertility monitor tomorrow morning since AF didn't bother to show up until mid-day.

That's all the thrilling news I have for today... I am going to celebrate her arrival with a fistful of Tylenol, a heating pad, a pair of comfy black pants, reality TV on TiVo, and a grown-up milkshake of ice cream and several shots of spiced rum and vanilla vodka...

See you chicks later...

Sucky Update... UPDATED CD 38

Uhm... so far... floating sucks...

CD 37 and no AF. Took a digital test today because of the crap Dollar Store test confusion and got a "NOT PREGNANT".

So where is AF????
Do I need to call my (stupid) doctor's office and tell them what is going on? I have stopped progesterone... Great... just what I need... My body fucked up again.

What is WRONG with me???

UPDATE - 5:21 PM... CD 38...
Still NO FRIGGIN PERIOD.

I called my doctors office yesterday around 1PM and let a long message about "Hey... where s my period???" and "What have you freaks done to me???" ... no one called back... finally today my nurse Lisa (who I usually like but who I am highly annoyed with now) called today at noon when I was out to lunch and says "Hey Jamie this is Lisa... sorry I missed you call yesterday... we're closing early so call me on Monday." NO INFORMATION... No acknowlegement that my period is missing... no confirmation that three BFN's surely mean not pregnant and that I will have a period soon... NOTHING! And did she even bother to call my cell (which I had with me???)??? NOOOOOO!

fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

So... I have nothing to do but wait until Monday and try to guess where my period is and why it is now at least 6 days late.

DO NOT SAY "MAYBE YOU'RE PREGNANT"... DO NOT... I KNOW THAT I AM NOT... I DID A DIGITAL FOR GODS SAKE... THEY DON'T LIE... THE ONLY OPTION IS THAT MY BODY IS TOTALLY SCREWED UP FROM CLOMID AND NON-MONITORING.

I hate this.

Tired of swimming...

Well... 6PM on CD 35 and still no AF.

I have been so down the past few days... especially with all the happy PW pregnancies and our 2 pg IPP. Don't get me wrong... I am so happy for everyone... and it is real honest happiness because I know how much these ladies deserve their babies. But lately I have just had the intense reminder that I am the only IPP that is not pg or who doesn't already have a child. It is just a fact. And I feel like it is never going to happen for me.

I feel like I drowning in all this TTC muck and mire... like I am struggling so hard and fighting so desperately to just breathe but each time I try I take in more and more muddy murky water. I am swimming so fast and so furiously that I have forgotten which way to go and I can't see the shore anywhere....

Mr. D and I have been talking and I think we are going to take a break from doctors and the TTC business for a while... I will use the fertility monitor (thanks Jenn) and we will have sex when and if we feel like it... I will continue on Met and will use my progesterone suppliments in the 2nd 1/2 of my cycle... but I am not going back to the doctor for a while (I may even find a new doctor since the insurance fiasco pissed me off so much) and I am not doing clomid anymore for a while.

This all started because I figure out that I will be out of town for a conference in New Mexico in July... right when I would need to be monitored and get the hcg shot an all that shit... so July is out. I also found out from a friend with the same insurance as me that if I did do injectables it would not cost $1000... but more like $3000... ($1000 to my doctor and the $2000 in prescriptions)

I had a meltdown in the therapists office and she gently suggested that it might be time to take back control and just give myself time to stop thinking about all this stuff so much. Especially since I will probably start looking for another doctor. She reminded me that 33 (and 8 months) is not "that" old... and at this point what is the real difference if I have a baby at 34 or 35 or 36? and that it is not giving up on my dream of having a baby if I just decide to back off for a while and not do such aggressive, expensive, and confusing treatments. If I decide to go back to clomid in a couple of months... I can. If I decide to do the laperoscopy in a couple of month... I can...

So I have decided to just float a while and try to take some deep breaths... It is either that... or drown.

CD 32... cramping...UPDATED...

No Disney magic for me... no March baby either.
I tested today (in the afternoon)and got a big BFN... Today would be 17 dpo.. So I am quitting progesterone tonight.
FUCK.
At this point I am not sure about doing clomid next month... My mom gave me the $450 but I am just so unsure about continuing... I have 5 days from the start of AF to decide if I am going to do clomid and monitoring again this next cycle. I might test again in the morning... but probably not... it would just be a waste of another htp (thankfully bought at the Dollar Store...) Ok.. that is it far the sucky update. I am pissed and going to go to bed early.
FUCK.

Question: Can progesterone supplements make your period late? I *think* I read somewhere that they can... but then I read somewhere else that NOTHING can change your luteal phase within like a day or so...

Today is CD 32... I have been cramping for days but no AF... I do not think that I am pg (no sore boobs which has always been my first clue...) And I am refusing to test. I don't even have any tests in the house. I just KNOW as soon as I test the witch will show up... This all just feels to much like a period that is taking a long time to get here...

So... Can I just continue progesterone until the witch shows up? Or should I stop the progesterone... Or should I break down and test???

I repeat... I really don't think I am pg this month so don't get all hopeful on me... We are trying very hard to live in REALITY these days and break this obsessive HPT addiction.

Has anyone noticed that I have not POAS since 3/27???? Jeez... that is 3 1/2 months!

I'm Baaack... with vacation snapshots!

So many vacation pics to share...


Fireworks over the Magic Kingdom...



The happy and "relaxed" couple...



More relaxation on the beautiful beach...





The morning view from our condo balcony...



and the INCREDIBLE inside of the condo (living room)...



We were totally blown away when we got to SeaSide and saw our condo... It looked like a model home... like a magazine photo from Coastal Living. We were speechless! We spent 3 wonderful days on the white sand beach and shopping in the cute little town at night. We watched fireworks on the beach that we shot from a barge in the ocean and looked like they were right on top of us! It was an amazing end to a wonderful two weeks! So romantic! If anyone is look for a great romantic getaway or family vacation spot I can not recommend renting a beach house in Seaside enough.

We got home last night around midnight... we drove the 14 hours home straight because we both felt so relaxed and we really ready to get home. Today we have been visiting with our friend who house-sat for us and their baby and unpacking and doing laundry. I am going to give myself until Monday before I start thinking about school stuff... I have so many things to do to get ready for the next year!

Today is cd 29... I have been having cramps all day so I feel that AF is coming on... I don't think I am pg... my boobs didn't get sore at all this month... I thought about testing but I am going to try to wait it out a few more days... I am really going to try to not test until cd 32 when I am "officially" due for AF... even though the progesterone supplements may be holding her off. I guess.. in reality I just want to bask in the "vacation" glow a little while longer before getting to upset about fertility crap.

I can't wait to catch up with everyone!!!

It was a great vacation.. but I really am glad to be home.

Shark Bait...

We are leaving in the morning to go to our condo in SeaGrove, Florida!!! (The picture is the place we are staying!)So unless I find an internet cafe or something I will be offline until we return home on the 6th! I can't imagine not checking in for 5 whole days!!! Try to have lots of good news for me when I come back!

I will try very hard to not get eaten by a shark...

I am on cd 22 today... so may I will know something by the next time I blog.. But so far no sore boobs or anything (even with progesterone... which is odd) Oh well... we have decided to do one more round of clomid (my Mom is paying the $450 and actually get monitored fully next month... After that... I don't know what we will try.

Ok.. enough depessing TTC talk.. I have to go pack and get ready to leave Orlando in the morning by 7:30 AM...

See you gals in about a week!!!