Happy Halloween!!!

Hooray for the 2nd Annual Fashion Show!!! It was a huge success!!! Thanks to all the models for clearing their schedules so they could participate!!!

I looove Halloween! I always have... I guess it is the theatrical side of me that loves wearing costumes and pretending to be someone else for a little while! Mr. D. has to work... so it will be a quiet evening here... I have invited my best friend Nicole and her baby (5 month old Joey) over for a very small Halloween feast! (Nic is Joey is dressing Joey up as a Tootsie Roll... I can't wait to see that one!) We will hopefully be busy handing out FULL SIZE candy bars to all the little trick or treaters! Mr. D. love giving out full size bars... so thanks to Sam's that's what we are able to do... I have about 60 (uhm... give or take a few...) assorted Hershey's, Kit Kats, Snickers, Twix (does anyone like Twix???), Milky Ways, Reeses, and 3Musketeers!!! (Please GOD let them be all gone by the end of the night...)

(All the candy ready and waiting by the front door!)

I spent Sunday shopping for pumpkins to carve and food for tomorrow night.. Nic and I are going to feast on Chili complete with onions, cheese, sour cream and frito's! And homemade cornbread... And... WINE... And FULL SIZED CANDY BARS!!!!

I carved several pumpkins yesterday and Mr. D. worked on the GRAND FINALE!!! He used a real pumpkin... but I used "Funkins" and a electric pumpkin carver so I will have them for a few years... Here are the "fruits" of our labor...

#1 - The Ghosts!!!

#2 - The Haunted (pain-in-the-ass) Mansion!

#3 - The Mice - look very closely on the wall behind.. see the Cat waiting for them??? Yep.. it is carved on both sides to throw that shadow!!! Pretty cool huh???

#4 - Mr. D.'s Grand Finale!!! A beautiful Cinderella!!!!

ClickHere to see last years pumpkins!

Got big plans??? Tell me all about them... I love to hear what other people are doing for Halloween!!

HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE HALLOWEEN!!!!!

THE 2nd ANNUAL INFERTILE BLOGGIRL ENGAGEMENT RING FASHION SHOW!!!!!!

Inspired my a post by Emily 1 year ago called The Promise.

I now present to you THE MODELS....

Visit their blogs to check out their ROCKS!!!

(Feel free to post this list on your blog so others can visit)

JJ

Faith

Thalia

Lori

Ollie

Joie

LoreneGo (Someone email me with this blog address!!!)

Pamplemousse

Ally

Samara

Jessi

(and don't forget to scroll down for mine!!!)

***Just Added!!!

Jenn R.

DD

Cass

Lindy

Holly

Nico

S

Nicole

Molly

Fisher Queen

Millie

*** It is not to late to join in the fun... just add your blog address into the comments of this post and we will come see your tribute too!!!

And now my beautiful ring and story... I am using the same one from last year because I feel that it still says everything I want to say!!! I love you Mr. D.... thanks for loving me "with or without baby".

Written Oct 29, 2004

My Promise

(My lovely ring in the porcelain Cinderella ring box it came in... there is a glass slipper on the top of the box... the little pink heart came inside the box... The box and heart sit on our bedroom fireplace mantle next to the sweet little piggy bank we bought on our honeymoon to give to our future child)

Thanksgiving Day 2000

After 5 years together on Thanksgiving night Mr. D popped the question at the DisneyWorld wedding beach... we were alone (I knew what was coming) and he was so sweet.... We sent our our engagement announcement instead of Christmas cards... It was a Disney card with a raggedy Cinderella sitting on a throne with the one glass slipper on her foot...
it said:

Announcing the Engagement of
Jamie & (Mr. D.)
The air was filled with magic and love...
as he knelt and proposed
under the DisneyWorld stars.
We would like to wish you a joyous holiday season
and the most enchanted 2001!

The ring was so special because it was the ring my Dad gave my Mom... They were married for 20 years and after they divorced my mom wanted me to have it. Even though my parents are no longer together it represents so much of my childhood spent starring at that ring... trying it on... and wanting to be a bride. It also keeps both of my parents very close to me... even though they live far away. Mr. D. KNEW that this was the perfect way to propose and the perfect ring for me to wear each day to symbolize the promise we made on our wedding day.

Our Wedding Day ~ December 23, 2001
The most magical Christmas wedding you could imagine! Complete with Christmas carollers, a Victorian house, everyone singing, an all dessert reception... and most of all... the most romantic evening of my life....

The words Mr. D said to me that night in front of out closest family and friend as we both had tears in our eyes were truly magical... I knew that this was the right thing... I knew that this was the man that would be there for me through everything... I knew that he would love me no matter what....I knew that we would be together for the rest of our lives...

We are so blessed in our lives and we ARE living...
Happily Ever After....

with or without baby.

Pictures from the Pumpkin Farm...

CD 15... second HIGH on monitor... Hoping that I will see a PEAK tomorrow!
Mysterious back pain is still going on... still no clue. I didn't call the doctor.. I just don't have the energy or the time to go in if I don't REALLY have to.

Last nigh Mr. D and I went out to dinner at Ooutback Steakhouse and then to the pumpkin farm near out house... We met my best friend and her baby Joey and got some really cute pictures of Joey.... It was a really fun night!

I went home and had baby dreams all night.

Gotta run... LATE to work... again!

cd 13 - LOW (in more ways than one).

Cd 13... Getting frustrated.

I am still getting a LOW in my monitor... Last month I got HIGH on cd 9-13 and my PEAK on cd 14 & 15...and we know I "O'ed" last month because of the monitoring. This month so far... NOTHING. I may call my doctor for a progesterone draw again this month around cd 20 just to see if it looks like I "O'ed" Why does this all have to be so confusing???

We will start having sex tonight regardless... I am sort of afraid that I might have messed up the monitor this month because I was out of sticks for 2 days that it was telling me to test... but who knows... ugghhh this i s exhausting.

I have been feeling down the past few days with all the drama going on over at PW... I am just so tired. I also have not been feeling great. I have had bad lower back pain for about a week now on and off. It feels like AF back cramps and just radiates down my legs. I have never had a bladder or kidney infection and I do not have a fever or trouble peeing... so I am not sure what it could be. In general I feel fully functional... but just kinda lethargic... not exactly sick... just beat down. I may ask my doctor about it... but I would hate to have to go in all for nothing... If anyone has any ideas of what it could be... please let me know...

7 Days until our FASHION SHOW!!! I am still signing up models (we are up to 8) so pass on the news! (If you are confused then scroll down and read all about it... (where have you been???)

That's it... Gonna go lay on the sofa some more....

Infertility... something to sing about?

Adding 3 more to the Fashion show.... and then there were 8.... (YAY... Faith, Ollie, and Joie)There is still time to participate in the 2ND ANNUAL INFERTILE BLOGGIRL ENGAGEMENT RING FASHION SHOW... scroll down for all the info to get all the details!

OK... You KNOW that I am a musical theatre person. In fact... Musical theatre is what I do best both in performing and in directing. 'I heard about INFERTILITY: THE MUSICAL THAT'S HARD TO CONCEIVE months ago and scoffed at it. In my mind I imagined it as just another insensitive crack at making infertility funny. Now.. I have not seen the musical... but thanks to Joie I visited the official site and the INCIID site to read a review and... it actually seems to have some poignant and very heartfelt moments. IF you like musical theatre you may actually find this one touching. IF you hate musicals.. then you probably will not like this one either...

Here is the review on INCIID... I actually listened to the audio clip of the song "If I had you" and was a puddle by the end... Now.. I often cry at "lack of baby" stuff... but I found this very sweet. In fact.. the more I listen to it... the more I like it.

Here is the official site... The audio montage is actually kind of cute...It is several clips of songs... My favorite clip "Sperm in my pocket" about a husband taking his sample to the RE. Yes it is silly... but maybe... JUST MAYBE.. there is enough understanding in this show to get our story into the public.

I hope I don't have to eat these words later when I see the show or hear the whole cd...

I am anxious to see what you think.

Keep the fashion show entries a comin'

Fashion Show News

OK... So the fashion show isn't filling up as quickly as I hoped... but we are still doing it. If you want to know why, scroll down and read Emily's post titled THE PROMISE.

So far there will be five of us...

Jessi

Thalia

Lori

JJ

and me...

I am still holding out hope that more people will read and decide to participate in this great way to say thank you to our husbands.

I was thinking of the 10 women that participated last year and decided to update you...

Emily - still writing in my opinion the best blog around. Her heartfelt entries have really spoken to me and have made me not feel so alone. I looooove her.
JJ - Still blogging but just moved from HERE to HERE... Make sure you have her new address... this IF blog is great!
Sherry - TWINS!!!! She has her hands full with Max and Sara... I still visit this blog when I am not so Baby sensitive... it gives me hope that a lot can change in 1 year.
Lala - Pregnant!!! She is 19 weeks now... and going through a rough time... head over and give her some love.
Jen P - I have no idea where she went....
Toni - Just welcomed Addi to the world last month!
Ollie - Still there and keeping us rolling with her ovarian adventures and talking cats! This is one tough cookie and one of the best blogs I know of!
Kath - About to welcome her baby to the world next month!!! YAY!!!
Karen - We are all awaiting Maya in the spring and learning all about adoption through this amazing blog!
Jen - My only blog friend that I have actually met... and I met her the week after her IVF.. and she is now in her first trimester.. and doing great...

and...

Me... Still here... a year older and a year wiser... but no pregnancy. It has been tough.. watching my blog friends get pregnant and move into another phase of their lives. Many of the blogs I read religiously when they were ttc.. I only visit briefly now that they are pregnant or have a child... not because I don't love them... but because it hurts to much. I feel stuck... and saddened that my life has not changed all that much in the past year... and yet.. there are wonderful things in life to honor and celebrate which is why I am continuing last years tradition. Not only to honor my husband and our love... but to celebrate the hope that all of the pregnant or new mommies give to me.

My life could be so different next year... that is called hope.

So.. it is not to late to join in... just email me or post here that you are in and I will include your link on October 29.. for the 2nd ANNUAL INFERTILE BLOGGIRL ENGAGEMENT RING FASHION SHOW!!!

***Feel free to get the word out about the fashion show by putting the details on your blog!

Dust off your stiletto's... it is time to strut the runway!!!!

I am playing hookey from school today and Mr. D. and I plan to go to the State Fair!!! I am so excited! The weather has finally cooled down... it is in the 80's so we should have a beautiful! I can't wait to eat a corny dog and something yummy and deep fried!!!! Mr. D and I have both been so busy that we have not had a "date" in a long time so this will be a great day! I love spending time with my hubby and since he just closed THE FANTASTICS and started rehearsals for his new show THE ALAMO last night... this may be out only chance to spend a whole day together for a while.

More news...
JJ asked me if we were going to plan our 2nd ANNUAL ENGAGEMENT RING FASHION SHOW!!! And the answer is YES!!! Last year I was inspired by this beautiful post by Emily at Scrambled Eggs called THE PROMISE and she and I hosted the FIRST ANNUAL ENGAGEMENT RING FASHION SHOW!!!

So girls break out your cameras and get a good picture to honor your hubby and the love we share... despite being infertiles!


THE DATE OF THE FASHION SHOW IS SATURDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2005.

On October 29 you will post a picture of your beautiful ring along with your story on YOUR blog... I will have a list on myy blog to show everyone who is participating!

SEND ME AN EMAIL OR LEAVE A COMMENT THAT YOU ARE PARTICIPATING AND I WILL PUT YOU ON THE RUNWAY LIST FOR THE EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!

LAST YEAR WE HAD 10 OF BLOGLAND'S TOP INFETILE MODELS... LETS DOUBLE THAT THIS TIME!!!! (FERTILE INFERTILES ARE WELCOMED TO PARTICIPATE... IT IS YOU THAT GIVE UP HOPE... in fact.. many of the models from last year are not PREGNANT or ADOPTING!!!)

OK.. I will anxiously await the list of models!!! Remember...*** Just a suggestion... if you don't have a digital camera... just borrow a picture from a jewelry store site.... it is more about the tribute... less about the ring!***

cd 1... UPDATED

AF started this morning so there is no need to retest.

As always, it is pretty awful getting a BFN. I have not been able to get pregnancy now for 16 months since my last miscarriage. I have been on this journey for almost 4 years. I hate this roller coaster... the ups of feeling hopeful and the the crashes of the lows.

I know I have a great life... and I have a lot to be thankful for. But on days like this I find myself wallowing in disappointment, frustration, and sadness. I know that next month will be another try and another hopeful time but for now... I feel like it is never ever going to happen for me.

I have the best husband... hands friggin down.
Remember when I told you that I have a great life... and a lot to be thankful for... well it is really true.

My two "feel better gifts" that Mr. D. had waiting for me when I got home today.

A sweet teapot and oven mits that say "Mom's Diner"... well... I can be "Mom to my 3 kitties and my pup... right???

and... (this guy is HUGE... almost 2 1/2 feet tall!)
My day is so much better now.

BFN

CD 31... BFN.

I was really hopeful this month.

Don't feel like writing much today.

CD 27...

CD 27... No AF yet. My dr. put me back on progesterone supplements this month because my progesterone draw on cd 18 was 15... He wants it to be at least 20 but the nurse was happy because that definitely means that I "O"ed this month on my own YAY!!! I have slightly sore breasts and have had some cramps... but that close be the progesterone or AF on her way. Last month AF came on cd 25 but I wasn't on progesterone which does make your cycle longer...

So as you can tell I am trying not to get my hopes up. I am planning to test on Sunday if AF hasn't arrived... usually I wouldn't have that much willpower... but with my show previewing tonight and opening tomorrow night I will be very busy with 5 performances between now and Sunday. I really don't need a BFN to bring me down right now... to me BFN's are so much worse that AF just starting. Please help me wait... I don't want to ruin my weekend.

OK... off to work... I will let you know how the show goes tonight... and if AF arrives.

Bullshit!

I was going to write about Inconcievable again... but.. what is the point??? Is anyone watching? IT JUST SUCKS!

I am sure most of you know that Ally lost her second twin. It is just not fair! I don't understand why things like this happen. I spoke to her last night and she sounds like she is doing well. Please go over and give her some love and pray for her and her family... they have been through so much.

IT JUST IS NOT FAIR!