Seacrest Out...

Well.. Today is cd 30 and 13 days dpo... still BFN.

13 dpo is sort of my limit as far as being hopeful. I usually start AF between cd 30-34 so I figure I should have a BFP by now if I am going to get one... especially if it was going to be healthy. Plus... I use (supposedly) very sensitive tests at 25 miU/ mL.

The average dpo for a BFP on FF is cd 13.6... of course most of those women are not testing every day.

And as always this CHART (HCG levels and Early Pregnancy) haunts me every month.... So I think a BFP at this point would be risky after cd 13 because the numbers would be pretty low by cd 16.

So... No 2005 baby for me... That is pretty depressing...

Seacrest out.

Nevwer mind...

Er.. never mind the last post.

One.
Single.
Line.
FMU.

cd 11.

The freakin 10 minute rule sucks....

I was getting very pissed off at my new doctor's office all weekend.. I had a progesterone test on Wednesday and on Friday STILL had not heard back... (At my old crappy doctor I would get these labs back in 24 hours...) I called Friday morning and was told the results were not in yet but they would check on them... Then... never heard back from them....

I called twice this morning...(I am a total nurse nightmare) But I was starting to get worried because if I needed to start my supplements I need to know... right??? I was told she would call me back... yeah right...

So I finally called back today at 4 PM and demanded to speak to the nurse. She was very cheery and picked up the phone saying "You ovulated!" I responded with a cool... "What are the numbers???? Do I need to start my supplements?" She said the cd 21 numbers were 22.1 and that is great. Great.

So... The clomid did it's job this month... I guess... I will talk to my doctor about the slooooow results the next time I go in and I will also ask why he thinks I never got a surge on the OPK even using 2 a day... Maybe ANY time I see a line is a surge instead of the super dark line you are supposed to have.

Today is cd 27 approx. 10 dpo with another BFN... I will pretty much test daily for the next few days... The clomid is making me feel really weird and I really feel a lot of pg symptoms.... Hope is creeping in even with the BFN's... I'll tell you why later... It is stupid really... Probably just an evap line... It was 2 1/2 hours after I peed on the stick and EVERYONE knows that you can't read a test after 10 minutes... I watched it for a good 5 minutes and then just left it on the counter... When I went to throw it out I knew I shouldn't look again... But I did... I have to say it... There was a really light second pink line. Now... we don't know WHEN this alleged "line" appeared.... but this was with FMU... I immediately tested again with 10 AM urine... and got another BFN...

DO NOT GET EXCITED!!! DON'T YOU DARE GET MY HOPES UP MORE THAN THEY ALREADY ARE!!!! IT IS YOUR JOB AS MY FRIENDS TO BE PRACTICAL!!!!! I need at least 10 stories of "Do not read the test after the time limit!!!" Please... keep me grounded... I do not need to get my hopes up only to see more BFN's over the next week. So girls... tell me it is an evap line... It has to be.

I hate size 10...

Today is Easter Sunday... or better known to me CD 26...

Mr. D and I have no real plans today... In fact it is 2 pm and we are still in our jammies. We made a nice breakfast this AM of cheese egg and bacon (toast for him... I am saving my carbs for later...) We have watched a movie and pretty much layed around all morning... Tonight we will go to his sisters house for dinner for a (hopefully) uneventful and merlot filled evening of fake talking to family that you love... but don't really like.

Yesterday I went shopping and bought 2 cute polo's (white and pink)and 2 little cardigan (green and pink)... plus two pair of capri cargo pants (white and blue) for the summer... The pants were size 10... I hate size 10. Especially since I think these were extra big size 10 since I can't even wear a 10 at Banana Republic and Gap because my stupid thighs are to big... I am the weight now that I always imagined myself being at about 6 months pg... I weigh 151.5 in the morning ... naked... before I have had coffee... I am 5'6"... I am not "fat" but I am now getting "chunky"... and I think that places that have until now looked normal my face, my arms, my belly... are now looking pudgy... Anyway.. my new pants are size 10... 6 years ago I was a size 6... I wish they were size 6. Someday.. I am going to pull myself together and lose the 25 pounds that I have put on since high school... I need to weigh 125 again before I turn 40... so that gives me 7 years to do it...

I am sort of in a funk today. I think it is the clomid blues, rainy weather, and the FREEZING (50 ish degrees)... ok... Texas freezing... weather is getting me down.

My main plans for the entire 4 day weekend were to dig and plant in my flower beds and be totally engrossed in spring... but the weather has been awful and today my dad told me to wait until mid-April to plant anything... uggghhh... I didn't tell him that I already planted a new camellia and yellow marigolds in the front yard and a great looking trumpet vine and a new willow tree in the back. Our plans are to buy a fountain for the back yard as soon as we have an electrician figure our how to bury the cord! I can't wait to pull out the ulgy pansies and dusty miller from the flower beds and replace them with hibiscus and geraniums and lots on fun color for the summer! My roses are full of leaves and buds... but I don't really expect any roses for another 2 weeks... I have all of these plans... Why can't the weather just agree????

I have to admit that yesterday I took a hpt at 8 dpo... BFN of course. I wouldn't have taken one except I am feeling a lot of pg symptoms... I am assuming from the clomid. All the usuals... heartburn, bloating, moody, sort of sick feeling unless I eat, really tired... I have been napping all weekend, lots of pinching and pressure in my ute, zits, peeing more than usual... and my boobs are sore.. No... not just sore... REALLY BAD SORE... The kind where my t-shirt rubbing against my nips really hurts... The kind where the shower water is unbearable... This is why I broke and tested yesterday... right in the middle of the day. But, like I said, this is my first clomid month and this may just be the normal side effects that really piss everyone off. So far... I have one BFN under my belt for the month... I guess I will test again tomorrow morning with FMU... that will be 10 dpo....

As for now I have a mere 3 hours until I have to be showered, dressed, and cheerful for our family dinner... all I have to say is THANK GOD it is not at our house!!!

Oh... one bright spot... new episode of Desperate Housewives will be waiting for me on TiVo when I get home. Have I told you that TiVo had changed my life? I love it...

We won!

YAY!!! We will be performing again next Friday!
We took home 6 acting awards including Best Actor for our lead!

Thanks for all the well wishes!
Have a wonderful holiday weekend ladies!!!
HAPPY EASTER!

Soooo tired.. have to sleep...

Wish us "Break a Leg!"

Today is our first big Theatre Competition for our competition show. The kids are really excited and the process has been relatively low stress.. (Isn't it wierd that when you are ttc the usual "stressful stuff" seems easy?)

Anyway.. we will meet at the school today at8:45... Leave for contest at 10:15... stop for breakfast on the way... get in our dressing room at noon... have our "official- one hour technical rehearsal at 1:45... rest... get ready... lots of old age make-up and great hair... and finally we perform at 8 PM... Awards and critiques at 10... and hopefullly back to the school by 12 AM........WHAT A LONG DAY to spend with 20 high school kids!!!! But they are GREAT kids and we will have a BLAST!

So wish us "break a leg" today!
If we win tonight we will go on to district next week!

Here is a fun list of other theatre superstitions that my students loooove... just thought I would share it with you...

Super SuperstitiousBy Heather Fagans iHigh.com Drama Correspondent

Does it ever seem like some theatre superstitions come from out of nowhere? Test your knowledge of theatre superstition origins by reading the list of superstitions below and guessing how they originated, then check your answers in the list that follows. Finally, correct any theatre blunder by checking out the advice for fixing any theatre faux pas. Enjoy!

The Superstitions List:

1. No mentioning the "Scottish Play" in a theatre or while talking about theatre. Actual recitations from that particular play can cause even more consternation, especially the bit with the three witches. (I still have a hard time mentioning it by name AT ALL!)

2. No whistling in a theatre, especially backstage.

3. When baby dolls are off stage during performance, set them face down on the props table instead of face up.

4. Never look over someone's shoulder at them in a mirror.

5. Never actually knit onstage.

6. Don't use peacock feathers onstage.

7. Don't use yellow in sets or green in costumes unless absolutely necessary.

8. Always leave the ghost light on.

9. Tripping before an entrance or backstage in general is good luck.

10. Canes good. Crutches bad.

11. Never say the last line in the play until opening night.

12. NEVER wish an actor "Good Luck!"... the proper way to bless an actor is by saying "Break a Leg!"
And, of course, the usual superstitions carry even greater weight (walking under ladders, spilling salt, etc.) except for black cats. They're good luck.

Not to mention the resident ghosts that all theatres seem to have and the individual peculiar things you could do to anger them. For instance, my college theatre was haunted by a little boy named Tommy who had fallen to his death from the grid over the audience (while no one was there). One of my professors had the dubious luck of finding the body.... Anyway, unless you asked him nicely not to, or left a ball in the hallway to the dressing rooms for him to play with (he was, after all, only about 10 when he died), he would enthusiastically help you move set pieces during performance or refocus the lights.

The Reasons (Respective to the List):

1. Apparently the first performance was positively riddled with tragic accidents, mistakes, etc., so that the mere mention became enough to strike horror in the hearts of production companies everywhere. I can actually attest to things that have inexplicably happened to shows when someone has said The Name.

2. Some people believe that whistling attracts evil spirits, boggums, gremlins and faeries to come in and wreak havoc with your production. In fact, whistling used to be the signal of "all clear" for the rigger to drop in the sand bags for checking and re-filling between shows. So you can see how whistling on stage could be construed as a dangerous occupation (whistling also used to be used for calling cues up to the fly operators during performance. Same thing goes - if you whistle, calling the wrong cue, you could be beaned by a baton).

3. The baby doll one actually comes from China - it is believed that if the baby doll is left face up, its spirit (kinda like a poltergeist) will emerge from its eyes and do poltergeist-like things in the theatre. We had a guy from the Peking White Opera who was absolutely fanatical about this one.
4. This can cause bad luck to the person you look at - usually sickness or death (possibly related to the idea that the undead have no reflection).

5. Knitting will entangle the production. Think of the Fates weaving the Tapestry.

6. Anything with an eye (peacock feathers) will attract the notice of the Evil Eye to the production.

7. Yellow in sets and green in costumes represented Satan in the old Miracle plays.

8. So the ghosts can see, of course! The reason most theatres are "dark" (not performing) on Mondays or at least one day a week is because it used to be called the Ghost Night - the night when the ghosts could perform their plays. The more practical reason is so anyone entering the dark theatre doesn't accidentally fall off the stage.

9. Who knows. Maybe because you've therefore gotten it out of your system. But if you trip on the hem of your costume (as opposed to anything else) you need to kiss it for good luck.

10. Canes indicate success and health; crutches failure and serious injury.

11. The play is not complete until an audience is present, so you can't "complete" it until opening night!

12. Origin: "Break a leg" is sourced in superstition. It is a wish of good luck, but the words wish just the opposite. It was once common for people to believe in Sprites. Sprites are actually spirits or ghosts that were believed to enjoy wreaking havoc and causing trouble. If the Sprites heard you ask for something, they were reputed to try to make the opposite happen. Telling someone to "break a leg" is an attempt to outsmart the Sprites and in fact make something good happen. Sort of a medieval reverse psychology. Of course it has became a popular wish of luck
for theater performers.

General Cure-All for Theatrical Faux Pas:
Having done the aforementioned, one good way to "reverse the curse," so to speak, is:

1. Exit the theatre (to outside, not the lobby).

2. Walk around it three times (or, if impractical [like in an amphitheatre] spin around three times). (three being a lucky number)

3. Whistle (or sing or hum). (This is to attract the faeries and bad spirits.)

4. Recite Puck's last speech from Midsummer Night's Dream (i.e., "If these spirits have offended/Think but this and all is mended...." and so on).

5. Then knock three times and ask nicely for permission to re-enter the theatre.

I've also heard spitting is good, but honestly, it's never worked for me....

For a Good Cause...

I got "random" crossbars from FF today... on cd 17... why... NO IDEA...

They also changed my coverline from 97.7 to 97.8 and that made a big difference...
Well... cd 17 was the first day that I got a visible line on an OPK (it certainly NOT darker than the control line... but it was the darkest I had this month...) It stayed darker (but lighter than the control line) for about a day and then started disappearing... now I can only see it if I REEEEEALY look hard...

When should I stop using the OPK's for the month? Do you guys think it is safe to stop using the strips and stop the TTCSex for this month? I have a progesterone blood draw on Wednesday to see where that it...

A little good news... I did have a temp rise this month without the supplements... maybe that is a good sign that I am ovulating...

Symptoms today... majorly bloated tummy and big boobs... thanks clomid.

Oh... some non-ttc news... I have been asked to sing at a benefit on April 11 for a little girl named Olivia in our area who has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia... I have never met Olivia but I know that she is a tough little girl and I am so excited to be able to lend my voice to this great cause! I am a little intimidated because I have not been on stage for a while and some of DFW's best performers are going to be part of the show. I am singing the song FOR GOOD from the musical WICKED with my friend Ashley who has put together this benefit... Guess what... I play the wicked witch... (big surprise)... Anyway... I will post the info about the benefit below and you can read all about it... I am sure they will accept donations if anyone feels moved to donate...

I have not told you this before... but several years before I was born my mom had another daughter named Joanie (with her first husband). Joanie died at the age of four from leukemia... so I will do this benefit in memory of the sister I never knew...

Here is the info:

Join us on April 11th in supporting The Olivia Jones Family(featured in Arts in Action go to GarlandArts.com) and Heroes For Children for “The Family Guide to Broadway : 1975-2005“. We will have a silent auction and some wonderful auction items have been donated. They include a Cingular camera phone, tickets to shows and concerts, make over packages, celebrity items and much more. Tickets are now on sale for this special evening hosted by the Atrium at The Granville Arts Center from 6:30 to 9:30 pm.

We will have a wonderful time, and help an incredible charity and an incredible family!! Don’t miss your chance to be a hero!

There will be - silent auction, food by Desperado‘s (voted best Mexican in Dallas by the Observer), open bar by Branding Iron restaurant, and concert with Emily Lockhart, William Blake (recently seen on American Idol), Amy Stevenson, Jeff Kinman, Brian Gonzales , Randy Pearlman, Connie Coit, John Reba and many more of DFW’s best and brightest including Oliva‘s dad Joseph and her brother Tyler.

Heroes for Children was founded by the families of 9 month old Allie Scott and 4 year old Taylor Brewton both lost to Acute Myeloid Leukemia. HFC is a non-profit organization which provides financial and social assistance to families of children with cancer. Visit their website at www.heroesforchildren.org to learn more about these amazing families and this wonderful organization. The dollars raised by our event will enable the Jones family and countless other families across Texas to focus on the most important part of treatment—their child.

Olivia Jones, diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia at the age of three, is a bright and funny 6-year-old who loves Broadway musicals and scary movies. She is one of five kids, and the daughter of Joseph and Kandis Jones. Joseph is known to many of us, not only as a talented performer, but also as a mentor, teacher, and friend. Olivia has fought through two relapses of ALL and on October 26, 2004 received a bone marrow transplant from her big brother, Tyler. Though Olivia is winning this battle her family will be battling the cost of saving this precious child for a long time to come. They need our help.

Tickets range from $20 - $100
To purchase tickets call The Dance Movement at 214-509-9000 or e-mail Ashley Puckett Gonzales at realmcasting@hotmail.com. Advance Ticket Purchase Required.

Confused...again...

Can you look at my chart???

please...

I f-ed it up at the beginning of the month by no temping regularly... but... do you think I could have "o"ed around cd13?

I didn't start using OPK's until cd13 and so far the BEST I got was a very faint second line (I know.. that is not a positive) I am just wondering if maybe I missed the surge (IF I have a surge) all together... I just ask because my temp keep going up... I will keep using the OPK until cd 21 ( Wednesday) that is when I have a progesterone blood draw.

I am so confused....
Totally-freakin-typical...

Top "O" the Mornin to ya!... or not...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!


On the TTC front... still getting a single line on the OPK's... CD 16. Having a lot of minor cramps today... almost like AF... Maybe I will "O" soon... I hope...

This morning I forgot to temp... I remembered while I was in a steaming hot shower! I am so irritated at myself because of course it is the critical time on my chart and now I will have yet another hole!

Took a break from the TTCSex last night... it is hard to feel hopeful when there is not sign of ovulation... (OPK's and temps) So I guess this month we are trying the 2 days on and 1 day off method...

I hope you have a great St. Paddy's day today... I don't know if I will be drink any green beer, but I can guarantee that I will be drinking SOMETHING...

Cd 14..

OK.. Hopefully now that spring break is over and Mom is back home in North Carolina I can get back to posting more regularly... I have to get to work early today so this will be a quick update...

CD 14... Had TTCSex last night... I like the Preseed.. I only used about 1/2 an applicator but there was a significant difference...

Still have not had a positive on the OPK... I am using them 2 times a day starting today... (I have used 1 a day for the past 2 days... So far I have not even had 2 lines... that makes me so nervous... I hate OPK's almost as much as I hate HPT's.

Side effects that I have noticed so far from the clomid... hot flashes at night (not terrible... but I wake up several times a night), my boobs are HUGE, and I have had more pings and pangs in the tumy area... If it was later in my cycle I would be soooo sure that I *might* be pregnant... but hey... we all know... IT IS JUST THE MEDS!

That is it for now... I promise that I will right more very soon... I am such a slacker!

Clomid - day 5

My "Preseed" came in the mail today... It is in applicators... I thought it would be more like KY Jelly or other lubricants... you know... like in a tube... So now I am confused... should I use it internally (like the directions say) or should I use it like any other lubricant??? As expensive as it is it seems like a lot per applicator!

The directions crack me up because they talk about having TTCSex "on demand" and how many couples have trouble with dryness... Uh... yeah... When you are doing it every night whether you want to or not... this can be a problem...

Tonight is day 5 of the Clomid... the last little white pill... I am a little nervous about what is going on inside with my follies... Are they growing huge yet??? As far as side effects.... I have been a little tired this week... not sure if that can be attributed to Clomid or well.. just being tired. Today I was a little irratable in the afternoon... but again... it could just be me being irratable...

My Mom has been visiting all week from North Carolina so we have been busy all week. During my last AF meltdown I cried on the phone to her about how much I missed her (I hadn't seen her in 9 months) and asked her to consider coming down.. and guess what.. she did! This is a big deal for my Mom to come alone at the spur of the moment without her (overbearing) husband... I am so glad she is here and I am already getting sad thinking about her leaving on Monday.

OK.. got to run.
We are all going to watch Survivor!

Don't worry.. not trying out the Preseed until Mom is outta here... that will be on Monday ~ lucky Cd 13!)

The cost of TTC

Tonight I washed my 2nd Clomid down with 3 glasses... (BIG glasses) of wine...

hmmmm... is that bad?

PS -This is a rhetorical question... please refrain from "You should give up drinking while TTC..." I know... but after 3 1/2 years... I am back on the booze, the caffine, the anti-depressants, the anxiety meds, the crack pipe... everything...

I have to "RELAX" somehow... isn't that the best way to get pg???

I also bought some Preseed today online... Holy H*LL!!! That stuff is $20 for 6 applications!!! Oh well it beats being all dried up from the Clomid... and wine... I also bought 25 OPK strips for $26 online... Is that a good price? I figured if I do 2 a day (like my new Dr. advised) then that should last me... oh... one cycle...

So my grand total out of pocket this week for TTC is...
$25 co-pay new dr. consultation
$25 co-pay for Clomid "pelvic exam"
$26 for OPK strips
$28 5 day supply of Clomid
$20 for Preeseed
_____________
$124 in 1 friggin week...

Do you know how many cute baby clothes you could buy with $124????

Why can't I be normal?????

Boooring post....

Last night I popped my first Clomid... so far... so good.

Today I bought 25 OPK strips from testforless.com. Hopefully with 25 I can catch the surge... I plan to use 2 a day starting on cd13.

I also ordered Preseed today. $19.99???? For lubricant???? Jeez... I ordered in anyway the last thing I need is dryness during our monthly TTCSex Fest... Plus Clomid makes it worse... So I thought I'd better get it before I get a "saddle rash."

I know... Booooooring....

The way we were.... (+ update on Clomid doctor visit)

Remember my Internet Crush??? We had some great times together...

Then came the interviews, the parodies and even an entire classroom full of geeks trying to copy his ultimate coolness...

Apparently my crush, the now "World Famous" Numa Numa Guy, has hit the skids.... Let's hope that someday he realizes that he has made me and millions of people around the world smile on days where smiling felt really impossible...

I still watch him every once in a while... just to get a laugh.

It was true love...

Update:
Went back to the doctor for my Clomid check... He didn't do an u/s like I thought... He did the shortest pelvic exam ever... He just felt inside to make sure there were no "large" cysts on my ovaries... After about 10 seconds of prodding he said "You exam is normal". Wow.. Can you imagine being able to feel someone's ovaries and know that things felt normal????

I got the prescription for Clomid which I start on Sunday and a blood work slip for cd 23 to check progesterone (I am not supposed to use my supplements again until the blood work comes back.. he said with the Clomid I might get a bigger follicle which would naturally produce more progesterone...) We'll see.

I am supposed to see him again within 5 days of my period starts or if I get to cd 32 and no period has come... Either way.. I will see him again in a month.

Don't tell anyone... but I am already feeling hopeful again and it is only cd 3... I guess it just feels good to try something new...

CD Thirty-freakin-Six... UPDATED...

Can someone please tell my where my period is? I seem to have misplaced it...

CD 36... 5th BFN this morning...

I have no idea WTF is going on...

My temps are still up too... even though I have been off progesterone for 5 days... Please Look at my chart and HELP ME...

I am so confused. Did I "really" ovulate this month??? I have only "skipped" a period like twice in my life and the last time was over 8 years ago... I am usually like clockwork...

Uggghhh...

***UPDATED...***

Today at about 2:30 I found my period... well.. I guess she found me. So.. if my luteal phase is usually 17 days then that means I ovulated around day 18... does that make any sence with my chart??? I just don't get it... On Friday I go for an u/s at DR. New III and (hopefully) I will start clomid on Sunday or Monday.

To answer the questions you left me...

Sara - My chart alwayas looks deceptively good because of the progesterone suppliments... they force my temps up... Do you think it is possible I "O"ed around CD 17 or 18 and FF was wrong??? That is the only thing I can think of...

VHMPrincesss - I get my tests at the dollar stores in my area... I don't use one specific brand... I just pop in to the nearest Dollar General or Dollar Tree and take whatever they have that week...

Jenna... Like I said above.. I don't use any specific tests.. although I was about to shell out $15.99 for a twin pack of "real" tests if AF didn't show up today...

Thanks for caring about me girls... this TTC is bullshit.